Maid of Honor drama

Your sister is thinking of backing out of the wedding or backing out of the bridal shower?

Has your sister/mom tried to reach out to the MOH about the shower?

I think you should talk to all parties and sort this matter out. I would talk to the MOH first and ask what is going on. These are tense times and things people post can affect others.

View Quoted Comment She wants to back out of the wedding.

This is hard to comment on because there is a lot of unknowns. When you say she’s only contacted you do you mean she is planning it all and hasn’t asked the others to help? They should still be invited and you would provide the invite list.
Maybe she didn’t reach out to mom and sister because she didn’t think they would want to help. Maybe they haven’t reached out because they think she obviously doesn’t want their help.
I’d recommend asking your friend if she just wants to plan it all herself and if she does that’s fine, let her but let her know that you’d like to have mom and sister invited and they all need to act like adults and keep their personal issues to themselves at the shower and wedding. If your sister is thinking of backing out of your wedding because you have a friend she doesn’t agree with then your sister is a child.

View Quoted Comment I found out yesterday that my MOH didn't say anything to my mom and the other bridesmaids. They didn't know the date until I mentioned it.

My God! Can people just put politics aside for one freaking day or at least one freaking event like your wedding?! If only they could understand that the only person that gets the shaft by their drama is you. Did your sister specifically tell you that she doesn’t want to be in it because of this Facebook incident? If that’s the case shame on her! You’re her sister! Tell her to put her big girl panties on and get over it

View Quoted Comment As far as I know, she is putting it all together herself. If I can't get them to talk like another commenter suggested, I'll ask them to be civil, at least. Thanks.

View Quoted Comment I'll give that a try. I'm not a confrontational person, so it will be hard, but I'll try it.

You'll have to decide where you stand with all the relationships, as well as with the posts.
If I were in your shoes (which I have been, for my own wedding!), I basically have had to be clear on my stance: if you're not anti-racist, we probably won't have a relationship in the future anyway, so it may be best if those people didn't attend. Kind of hard to come to an interracial wedding as a racist, but I've definitely had family that I guess were planning on it.
Good luck!

View Quoted Comment I wish that, too.
Yes, it is specifically because of the Facebook stuff.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the advice. It's a very strange spot since my MOH is a POC, my self, my family, and my fiance are white mostly white ancestry, yet are sympathetic to what many POC folks go through. Hell, my grandpa founded a union that helped many POC groups with workers rights. Yet, my MOH's posts are edging on anti-white.

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Yeah I hate issues too but sometimes you gotta step in especially if there is a rift. As I am reading your MOH did not plan with them which is fine but seems to have not included them at all. That is not cool and I would nicely, face to face talk to her and ask her why. Give her a chance to explain her side. Like someone mentioned if anything she may have some grudge towards them but they all need to be civil and then after the wedding they never have to speak again.

View Quoted Comment Yeah that isn’t ok. Talk to MOH and let her know that you understand these times are difficult and you understand her anger and fear. However, she is one of your best friends and you want her to be there with you at your wedding and you obviously want your family there. Ask her to please put aside her feelings for two days (shower and wedding) to make your wedding a day of celebration and not conflict.
I’d have the same conversation with mom and sister.
And unfortunately if all three can’t do what you are asking then you will need to make decisions. It isn’t about having to make decisions of a political nature but of a personal nature. If people can’t step up and offer support to you on one of the most important days of your lives they don’t deserve a place in your life.

View Quoted Comment Maybe a heart to heart with MOH - just listening. People post because they want to be heard, and in this case probably also to affect change in some really flipping racist systems.
I'd challenge you on the anti-white when youre listening to her - consider it's maybe pro-POC or anti-racism perhaps? I've seen very few truly anti-white rhetoric - it can often be a pretty straight forward call out of "white allies" that are only doing performative change (hashtagging BLM but not calling their senator to call out mandatory minimum sentencing or racist bail policies.)
We've got a lot of friends and family in this category and it's just pretty soul crushing, tbh. They expect a cookie for not being racist, and there's just a lot of work to do - and a lot of work I should be doing every day.I understand how tricky it is to navigate and try to keep the peace, because I used to do that. But my mindset has shifted - I value justice over peace. Good luck

They should all be grown enough to suck it up for your day. I would talk to them each individually first and get a feel for how they are feeling. Maybe a lunch to talk about things?

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If your own sister wants to back out of your wedding because she doesn't like your MOH, then you have a sister problem, not a MOH problem.

I wouldn't try to get your MOH to "fix" her social media postings (but I would recommend that she should stop engaging with your mom and sister online) or how she is planning the bridal shower. I would make sure MOH is planning to invite your mom and sister and then drop the subject.

With your sister, you will probably need to talk to her directly about attending your wedding. Assure her how much you want her there (but only if you actually do). Leave the bridal shower thing alone; she can skip attending that if she wants.

View Quoted Comment UPDATE:
I managed to talk to my sister and MOH over FB messenger. My sister had messaged MOH asking why she doesn't like her and our mom. I didn't see the reply, but all I got was "I'm sorry" and no replies since from sister.
My MOH had no idea my sister and mom felt that way. I asked her about the shower, if she needed any help from the other 'maids and if there was a better way we needed to communicate about it. We worked things out on her side.Thanks everyone for the advice and support.

I'm glad you were able to work it out!