Maid of Honor doesn’t participate

If she can’t step up to the plate for your wedding then no I would not be her MH. It seems her priorities are elsewhere with her wedding being the main focus even though she is not engaged yet. I would just invite her as a guest since she has not been very participative.

If her and her fiancé are planning a wedding, they’re engaged, whether they had an official proposal or not. She doesn’t need to help you plan, she doesn’t need to throw parties for you. You are supposed to choose the MOH based on how close you are to the person, not how willing they are to do things for you.

If you don’t want to be her MOH say no, but IMO it sounds like you’re just being petty.

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We are very close I stated that we are best friends several times. She agreed to do these things.

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Okay, thank you!

Her only duty is to show up in the correct dress and (mostly) sober. Your FI should be helping plan the wedding, not her.

So if you’re best friends, there’s no reason for you to say no to being her MOH.

While it is nice for them to help your MOH is really only responsible for organizing the bridal shower and Bachelorette party--- wedding planning is something that is just extra and if they want to help it's optional.

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I was under the impression that the bridal party planned the shower and bachelorette if they chose to have one

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Right, she doesn’t do any of that. I have a wedding planner. When I mentioned the wedding I meant normal conversations about dresses or whatever. Just normal things friends discuss.

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Exactly, if they choose. They have to pay for it and if she is planning a wedding, she may not have the finances for it. A shower and bachelorette are offers to be grateful for but not to cry over if you don't get it

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Oh ok missed that---- yeah if she isn't open to talking about dress choices she would wear I would ask her if she still wants to be involved. Maybe she has something personal going on or maybe she thinks she just shows up the day of.

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Okay, thank you jennifer

The only responsibility any wedding party member has is to show up on the wedding day with the correct attire and get down the aisle. You are the one honoring the relationships, not the other way around. If anyone, wedding party or not, offers parties, planning help, etc, you may certainly accept it, but it's not required by any one to do so.

First.... She started dating someone 2 months ago, and is planning a wedding with him even though he has not proposed????

Second, think back to why you guys became friends in the first place, what did you like about her? Does she still have those qualities? If you got the worst news ever (that wasn't wedding related) and you were SO upset, would she cheer you up if you called her?

Some people believe that all they have to do in a wedding party is show up to the wedding, while others find it more special if they're involved with planning. She clearly is the type to think she just has to show up. Does her being that type of person change the relationship for you? Do you not feel as close to her because she's not as involved in this big step? Or do you feel that right now you're just disappointed, but you can see the friendship going back to normal after the wedding?

The only requirements for both of you at each other's weddings would be to show up in the selected dresses you chose for each other. She doesn't need to plan anything or be overly excited. She can still be happy for you but maybe she's just needing to focus on her own plans as well right now which is completely understandable.

I feel like if you declined to be her MOH, it'd look really petty and cause a rift in your friendship.

I understand. I asked my sister to be my MOH and the only thing she attended was my dress fittings which ielt like I forced on her by her reaction. Anyway, after feeling like she could care less I eventually decided to have no bridesmaids (as she was the only one I really wanted anyway). She's done the same. I just feel like our bond has been broken. I don't know why she is acting so strange. Literally feel like strangers during one of the most important days of my life. Venting sorry!

In response, its not wrong that you feel that way. I would consider the possibility of those who are unfamiliar with the events as they're unfolding thinking you might be the immature one. I would accept being her MOH only giving as much effort as you can without mentally exhausting yourself.

The timing of her decision to get married is pretty unfortunate, but in the end you can't blame her for prioritizing her own wedding over your shower and bachelorette.

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THANK YOU. I understand how you feel. It’s extremely disappointing and I hope that you and your sister find time to talk and bond again.

It seems like you have really high expectations for what you think a MOH does. All of the parties are optional. If your bridal party is asking about them then they can plan them. It doesn't solely have to be on the MOH shoulders who is now planning her own wedding as well. You need to realize that everyone's lives are not on hold just because you are getting married. Right now just focus on being her best friend and go from there. Don't let your expectations ruin your friendship.

So I apparently have very similar ideas to you as to what a MOH is supposed to do! I would be seriously disappointed if my MOH didn't step up to the plate and help me out with the planning and what not. I need that support and she knows it haha. My MOH and I are actually each other's MOHs and it requires a lot of planning but we have made each other's weddings a priority - she is getting married first and I make sure that I am working on her bridal showers (she is having two because of distance between families), helping her get budgets planned, picking out dresses, all the fun stuff - and she is doing the same for me.

Personally, I would either: have a very candid talk with your MOH and just lay out what you were expecting and ask for some more help, OR just accept that she isn't going to be that involved and look to your FH or your mom for help and let it go. However, I wouldn't use her nonperformance as MOH as a justification to decline being hers. If you don't want to be her MOH then don't be, but I would make sure it is for the right reasons.