Maid of honor differences

Well that's the problem when you start shifting people to fill "roles". It makes both the replacement and the replaced person feel some type of way, along with other bridal party members. I would leave things as they are from now on. You don't need one of each, and sides don't have to be even.

Spots in the wedding party are meant as honours for them, and not jobs or roles to be filled.

You now have two maids of honour, so I would give them each different gifts for being wedding party members, maybe different flowers and different dresses?

IMO it was actually offensive to "promote" this person from BM to MOH from the point of view of both the BM and your remaining MOH. Your maid of honor probably felt it sent the message that she's not good enough to have the role by herself. And as for the former BM, if she's close enough to be MOH she should have been asked from the start. Either that or have no MOH at all. The titles are supposed to be an honor and reflect your relationships. As Jacks says, spots are not jobs to be filled.

I think that making a point to differentiate them in a way that placates the original maid of honor or establishes a hierarchy just risks adding further insult to injury. I would consult everyone in the party and allow them to choose dresses of their own choice, within their own budgets within a given color palette or give them full choice for that matter. Personally, I would have left things as they were when the matron of honor stepped down.

I know everyone is commenting on the etiquette surrounding promoting this person to MOH. I’m not even going to touch on that, because I don’t think it’s helpful. What’s done is done, so let’s focus on the situation at hand. Your previous MOH is feeling slighted because you now have another MOH in the wedding party. Honestly, it has become quite common to have multiple MOH‘s (or no MOH at all). I would simply explain to your original MOH that this promotion has absolutely nothing to do with her or your friendship. And that should be enough. Obviously she is one of your closest friends, so your word should be all she needs to clarify the situation. There is no need to differentiate between the two women. Especially since the original MOH won’t even be attending the wedding.

I agree with Cece that this should be about your relationship with this second MOH and wanting to honor her. I would maybe grab lunch or coffee with the first MOH and share with her why you chose her in the first place and how much the friendship means to you, and then say that you also thought more about it and wanted to honor this other friend who means a lot to you too, which is separate from your unique bond with the first MOH. Don’t distinguish them from each other the day of because then that’s likely to hurt feelings, but make sure you’re giving each friend the care and attention they deserve and get them thank you gifts specific to them (which you should be doing anyway). Having multiple MOHs is a common thing these days.

I agree that co-MOH is not uncommon. That's not an issue when it happens to work out that way naturally up front. The problem here is that the title was not only about recognizing the relationship, it was seen as a job opening. It's disingenuous to say it's about suddenly realizing you want to honor someone as one's very nearest and dearest when it was clearly about the empty "spot" to fill.

That said I agree that this is a done deal at this point. I would just sincerely apologize to both women for the way things were handled, hope they realize the intentions were good, and move on from there.

Hopefully, OP, your motivation for having two MOHs is not because you see it as their responsibility to help you plan, throw parties etc.

View Quoted Comment Thank you 😊

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your kindness.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for your kindness. I have absolutely talked about it and I will do just that (not differentiate them).

View Quoted Comment Thank you. No, I’m actually not having a bridal shower or bachelorette. I paid for all of their dresses and accessories. Not requiring hair, nail, or makeup for them. It’s simply about the honor

Hi! I actually also have two maid of honors and I just very honestly explained the situation and discussed that I want them both to feel like they don’t have all the weight on one person or the other, I told them how important they are to me because they both are! I think being honest and open is the best thing you can do! Personally I didn’t differentiate mine, I just told them they’re both maid of honors!

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I totally agree