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Savvy September 2020

Made of honor mess 😔

Erika, on July 22, 2019 at 6:39 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11

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I of course like most people, you ask your bestfriend to be your maid of honor. And I did just that, I was beyond excited when I asked all of my girls to be apart of my big day I never thought twice about anyone else. My maid of honor was beyond thrilled to help me plan my wedding, shower, bachelorette party etc.

For the last 3 months shes been like a ghost, barely answering me skipping out on dinners, hangout schedules. I met with her this past Sunday and she was so focused on leaving and seeing a friend at 7.. while we just sat down face to face at 5:30 and then said I cant post that I'm with her. So that confused me to no end. I've had bridal wars set in stone since February. The date is Aug 11th and she completely forgot about it when I asked her yesterday. Tickets were already suppose to be bought and now she has issues coming over making our matching shirts..
Her only excuse is that shes been busy with 2 jobs. But! That darn snap chat that she posts everyday says other wise. She keeps flaking out on me and lying. And it's a whole side I've never seen and I've known her for 15 years.
not question is..

Am I in the wrong to think she is too busy for me or even being a friend?
Should i ask her to step down as maid of honor?

Has anyone ever had a best friend who flakes at the last second and howd you handle asking them not to be a maid of honor anymore??

😣😟😭

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Erika, on August 1, 2019 at 3:28 PM

Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 22, 2019 at 8:28 PM
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I would give it time. It hurts, but remember to be a friend first, bride second! It's possible she will get more excited as the date gets closer
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Savvy September 2020
Erika · on July 22, 2019 at 8:33 PM
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Thanks! I guess I'm just worried that now she isnt motivated to help, and I need to get things done or I'll have an anxiety attack. I cant wait 3 months before my wedding to then her be excited ya know?
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Expert October 2019
Sara · on July 23, 2019 at 12:10 AM
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This really sucks for you! I completely understand because I had to go through it when I got engaged. I asked my best friend to be my maid of honor super early in being engaged. Right after asking her, she stopped talking to me and asking to hang out and whenever I would ask her, she wouldn’t text back. I waited almost a year and half before I went ahead and changed my maid of honor. I hoped that she was going to come around but she never did. I also waited in asking my bridesmaids because I was scared that it would happen again. I am so happy with the maid of honor I chose even though my sister has to pick up some of the slack. I just felt wrong in choosing between my sisters and my going to be sisters in law. I do feel bad that maybe I didn’t try hard enough in reaching out to her.
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Beginner September 2019
Jacki · on July 23, 2019 at 12:25 AM
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I was asked to be a MOH in a distant cousin's wedding a few years ago. The first MOH did the same thing to the bride and they didn't recover as far as I know. However, I too had a hard time with the bride and there was a lot more to the couple that I realized was going on until it was too late. I was thrilled at the time and as much of a hard decision it can be to change the MOH, a conversation with the person can tell you a lot. Could it all be too much responsibility for her? Is she jealous? Or is there an option to have two MOHs?
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Savvy September 2020
Erika · on July 23, 2019 at 7:22 AM
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My fiance and my future mother in law says its jealousy, but I honestly have never seen this side of her at all. And it's so upsetting to have someone who you've known a long time all of a sudden turn into a completely different person.

I have my 2 sisters, my best friend and my child hood friend in my wedding party, my childhood friend said about passing along the maid of honor title but I feel like it's a hammie down title now. The next person would be my childhood friend... but shes a maid of honor in another wedding very close in date to mine and that bride is having a 75 person bridal shower that shes expected to plan and pay for. I feel bad passing it along. Is it weird to just not have one so to say?
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Savvy September 2020
Erika · on July 23, 2019 at 7:24 AM
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😟 that is so sad, I honestly expected this whole process to be different i guess. The wedding is 10 months away, so I figured that gave everyone enough time to save/budget. I was more looking out for my wedding party.
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Expert October 2019
Sara · on July 23, 2019 at 10:18 AM
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I am definitely paying for a lot of the girls things. I’m paying for hair and makeup, a couple of their dresses and shoes. And I just cut out having a bachelorette party since everyone doesn’t live close and it’s hard to get everyone together. If we do something it will be small like getting our nails done and I’m sure I’ll be paying for that. I thought it was going to be different too but I have given up on that idea now.
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Dedicated October 2019
Caitlin · on August 1, 2019 at 3:14 PM
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Ugh -- I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I had this happen with a bridesmaid as well (thankfully not my MOH). I had been trying to get ahold of her for a MONTH by multiple channels, and was getting no response. All my messages showed read, but I never got anything back. What I ended up doing was sending her a message like this: "Hey NAME. I know you've been really busy lately, and I'm wondering if it might be less stressful for you to attend my wedding as a guest instead of as a bridesmaid. I love you and your friendship means so much to me; I would love to have you standing with me on my big day. However, I'm getting the feeling that maybe you don't want to be involved anymore and it's just not fun if you're not into it. Either way, please just let me know by DATE. If I don't hear from you, I'm going to have to move forward with the planning process without you." (Spoiler - this was two weeks ago and I still haven't heard from her.)
Personally, I feel like it's a lot of stress on you to not feel like you can count on your best friend. If she really cares about you she'll respond and maybe even offer an explanation as to what's been going on. But ultimately, your friend should never make their loyalty to you be in question.
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Savvy September 2020
Erika · on August 1, 2019 at 3:24 PM
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Caitlin, I was finally able to talk to her.. sadly I gave her the role of bridesmaid and gave one of my other bridesmaid maid of honor.. it sucks.. and honestly your situation is horrible too 😣 I hate the silence...

What sucks even more is that I talked to her and told her how I felt and she just agreed with it all. Didnt fight it at all. Just agreed and said if that's what you want thats fine. 🙄 well I expected her to care a smidge about it. And completely didnt at all.
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Dedicated October 2019
Caitlin · on August 1, 2019 at 3:26 PM
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Ugh. I’m glad you finally got to talk to her but yeah that’s definitely not the response I would’ve hoped for :/ hopefully the friend that you’ve asked to be your MOH steps it up and helps you through the last few months ❤️Good luck to you!
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Savvy September 2020
Erika · on August 1, 2019 at 3:28 PM
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Thank you 🥰
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Made of honor mess 😔

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