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Savvy November 2020

M.i.l. need help

Leighann, on September 29, 2019 at 1:25 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11

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So I'm not sure what to do. I want an awesome wedding. I've been doing fake flowers. Planned so many things in a roll really. My fiance moved in this weekend. I stopped by his mother's house to get some things.
She cornered me. Stop planning your wedding with that fake flower crap. I'll pay for the flowers. 😐 Already discussed I'm doing what I'm doing. I found the wood you needed I'm buying it. Give me the vases I bought a ribbon for them. (Not using ribbon)
Then I'm doing fall wedding. Thanksgiving comfort food wedding. Well how about you do Santoro's I have a catering menu. So Italian food. 😐 I'll pay..….. you don't want a turkey dinner. .... Umm yes yes actually I do. He said she'd try to take over.
Do I let her do something little to feel involved or put my foot down?
Also catered or self cook? Most places are wanting $55pp I found one that is $22 pp buffet style the food I want.... But it's at Thanksgiving time do you know how cheap everything for Thanksgiving is at that time

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Naikesha, on September 29, 2019 at 5:07 PM

VIP May 2015
KiwiDerbyBride · on September 29, 2019 at 1:43 AM
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Firstly, don't self cook. You don't want to spend your wedding day working, nor should your friends and family spend your wedding day working. $22 per person sounds fantastic and buffet style is great - go with that!
Second, NO is a complete sentence. She says stop with the fake flowers? No, MIL, this is what we're doing. She says she wants Italian food and she'll pay? No, MIL, fiance and I have decided on the food we want and we'll be paying for it ourselves, although we appreciate the offer. Don't accept any money from her because then she'll think she has a say. Be firm now or it'll be even harder down the line. If you want her to be involved (and if you think she'll shut up if she has something to do) figure out something you don't particularly care about - might be the guest book, might be the ring box for the ring bearer, might be the ceremony program - and ask her to look after that.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on September 29, 2019 at 1:53 AM
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Ah you've got to put your foot down. I know it could be difficult when she's offering to pay but you just gotta say no if it's not what you want
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Master August 2021
Jasmine · on September 29, 2019 at 2:06 AM
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If you let her pay for anything, she'll definitely believe she has the power to make choices like she's doing now. You should definitely put your foot down before things get out of control. If you can find somewhere for her to help, that's great but don't let it be financial because then she just might hold that over your head when making decisions about anything else
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Devoted August 2022
Vivian · on September 29, 2019 at 2:12 AM
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Leighann I agree with Melle put your FOOT DOWN. It's not her day nor do your efforts need to be insulted by her rather she is paying for it or not. Nothing needs to be thrown in your face as far as cost wise nor does your wedding selections need to be belittled by her. I will say give her "Busy Work" where she is so involved wit that you can do other stuff n get done what u really wanna get done your way. Let her do invites or the seating chart that's what I mean by busy work by the way lol. I understand how you feel and I sympathize with you. My FMIL is a pill to say the least which is why she doesnt even kno about the wedding lol and wont know until the save the dates are sent out in 2020 for our wedding in 2021
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VIP May 2020
Destiny · on September 29, 2019 at 3:06 AM
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Exactly what kiwi said!!!
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Super September 2020
Jennifer · on September 29, 2019 at 8:06 AM
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Oh, no. Reel that immediately. Accept no money from her and stand your ground. If you want to offer her some project, go ahead, but realize she is going to take that to another level. Nope. I wouldn't touch that 😂.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on September 29, 2019 at 9:11 AM
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Definitely put your foot down now and don’t let her pay for anything. No money, no say! This is your day and you should have what you want. As long as your FH supports this you two need to talk to her and stop this now.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on September 29, 2019 at 11:30 AM
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Absolutely hire a caterer, but serve the food you want not what MIL wants. “No thank you” is a complete sentence! But if she’s waiting for a reply, have your FH deal with her. He should say the both of you want “ABC” and strongly tell his mother to back off.
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Master 0000
Judith · on September 29, 2019 at 12:40 PM
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Just because she can pay for it does not mean you are willing to change the character of things.
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Savvy November 2020
Leighann · on September 29, 2019 at 1:20 PM
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He keeps saying no. I would love real flowers but I'm not willing to hand over my wedding for the benefit of flowers.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on September 29, 2019 at 5:07 PM
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So normally I would say stand your ground and say no but.... you said you want real flowers so I would let her pay but for what you want. Thanksgiving colors, I would let her do rehearsal dinner with Italian catering maybe but the buck stops there, Say thanks but the wedding planning will be what FH and I want we appreciate your opinion and help but we want to stick with our vixion and theme.
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