LR: what to do when you see a friend headed down the wrong path

Wow, Ms. L, this post really hits close to home for me. Like you, I have a childhood friend, someone I call a sister, that went down that bad road, had a baby, recovered, and has currently relapsed. As much as I wan to help, there is nothing myself, or others who love her can do. The love she has for her son, (whom she battled in court for after her previous addiction,) has yet to bring her back to us. Without putting too much of her personal business in the street, I'll just say, she's gone from bad, to worse, doing things totally outside her character.

For a while, I was hurt, pissed, and really disappointed with her. She had come too far to turn back. However, I really had to come to the realization that she truly isn't in her right mind. When it comes to her, I've backed off a lot, but I'm there for my nephew. Helping to keep things as stable for him as I can. Man, I'm almost in tears typing this. All I can say is be there for her as much as you can tolerate. It really isn’t easy, and every situation is different. I will keep your friend in my prayers.

Thank you Teresa, I hope your friend finds her way back too. I plan to try to do the same for her son if worse comes to worse. Addiction is horrible and she really is like two completely different people when using and not using. She hasn't completely fallen over the edge yet but I can see it about to happen unless she pulls herself back from the ledge, quick!

I don't know if there is anything you can say, but you could offer to spend time with her. Go out and do stuff to keep her mind off things. It might help just to have someone to spend time with that is not involved in drugs because she won't be exposed to it constantly.

Thank you so much. I know what you mean. All we can truly do, is prepare for the worst, and pray for the best.

If I was you, I would be there as much as possible, without it being too much for you, if you understand what I mean. She needs to know that even though she is going through this, she has good friends that do not do drugs, and that will help her through it without doing the drugs. IDK if this helps, but I am very sorry for you. My brother is a severe drug addict, and my whole family has tried to help him, and he has just cut us out of his life. So, I'm not saying this will happen to you, but drug addiction is a very serious thing, and she may be too much for you to handle if she gets back into it. Just be there for her son, and for her as much as you can tolerate.

I'm going to say the same as the ladies above. Just try to be there for her. Judging by the way you've described her recent behavior she seems like she wants to (or needs to) have someone reach out to her and it'd be better if that person was someone like you. Make yourself available whether by lending an ear, a shoulder, or just a day out away from things (maybe have a lunch or coffee?) Good luck with everything and I wish the best for your friend.

Is it more important to you to remain friends with her or to make sure she doesn't relapse? You may have to pick one or the other. Are you friends with her family? If so, I'd alert them to what's going on and let them know that whether she'll say it or not, she really needs them. If she gets wind of this, she'll be pissed, but it's the right thing to do. The problem with friends with issues is that many times they will drag you down with them or put you in bad positions. I'm not saying you are weak or will do the same things as her, but she may call you for help one night and you may be put in danger. That's why I think the right thing to do is get her family involved and be there for support, but don't let her interfere with your life.

This also hits really close to home for me as my brother was a meth addict. He did get clean and was with a great girl and stayed clean for a really long time. Then they broke up and he went back to his old friends and totally relapsed. He was even missing for a few days She may already be using if she looked up her old friends. Like the other girls said try staying in very close contact with her and see if her family can help too. Maybe if she has any hobbies she can get into those durig this time.

I have to say that right now my biggest concern would be the 3 year old son. Who is taking care of him while all this is going on?

Thanks for your responses. I live 4 hours away from her right now so I am at a real disadvantage though I am actually moving to the same city next week. I don't even *know* if she has used or not, she tells me that she has no desire to use at all, but I can see red flags everywhere and I'm worried.

@hismiss, I'm sorry you have to deal with that in your family, I agree that having a stable drug-free friend is a good thing for her.

@mellojean, of course I would prefer her to be clean and healthy over being her friend, I know how much it sucks to have addicts in your life, I've been free of that for a long time and have NO desire to go back to the craziness that comes with it. I appreciate your advice.

@Sara, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, the situation sounds very similar

@Nicole, that is my number one concern as well. As far as I *know*, she is clean and taking care of her son just as she has been for his whole life, this is all just foreshadowing. I hope I'm wrong

I hope so too. Keep us posted.

I hope so too. Keep us posted.

Spend as much time with her as you can! I'm sure she's feeling hopeless and un-loved right now, which makes it so much easier to be around enabling personalities such as her old druggie friends.

Encourage her to be strong, remind her what a beautiful, good person she is and remind her that life is GOOD!

Hang in there, L. I hope she can come out of this.

Thanks Sara, you're right I see her operating out of pure pain. I've sent her a message saying all those wonderful encouraging things and once I'm local again hope that I can have some positive influence.

All you can do is be there for her. you cant lecture her or anything and you cant tell her she cant do something. but just being there and being a good example and maker her feel like you love her can be the best thing.