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mrswinteriscoming
VIP December 2021

Low Key Engagement - asking people to pay for drinks?

mrswinteriscoming, on January 20, 2020 at 11:31 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

Hi all

My fiance and I are thinking of doing a little engagement bash to get everyone together and introduce one another ahead of our wedding later this year (so that our friends can meet one another since we have more friends on our own than we do as a couple - as in our 'couple friends').

The wedding is costly so I don't want anything elaborate for the engagement - it'll be a low key social gathering at a pub/beer garden. We will not be doing something at home or in a park etc as I think the pub/beer garden will make people more comfortable and is less pressure.

Will people take offence if we buy some food for everyone to share but they all otherwise pay for their own drinks? I come from a culture where buying your own drinks at an event is a no no (our wedding will have a full, paid for open bar) so even though I know it's reasonable, I don't want people being disappointed with having to pay for drinks at this event. Surely it'll suffice if I tell them all that its BYO (buy your own) drinks?

8 Comments

Latest activity by KAREN, on January 24, 2020 at 12:33 PM
  • Joanna
    Dedicated October 2020
    Joanna ·
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    Your friends will absolutely understand! They might even offer to pay for themselves. Don't stress too much on this; I know that you consider paying for everything as etiquette, but it is okay to take a step back and ask others to meet you halfway.
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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    If this is an event you're sending invites to, then I'd say paying for people is pretty standard. If you're framing the event as "we're thinking of hanging out at X pub on X date to celebrate our engagement and you're welcome to join," then I think people will come expecting to pay for themselves. As long as you don't make it an event that you're hosting, which inherently implies footing the bill.

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  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    If it is an event you are hosting, you should be covering food and drinks for all that come.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    In my opinion, this is an optional event. And if you are choosing to host it at a pub or bar, clearly people will be drinking. If they are drinking, the host should be paying. I'd host something way more casual at your home or somewhere free. Or not have one at all.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    I would absolutely take offense. You need to pay.

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  • Jennifer
    Master September 2018
    Jennifer ·
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    I would find this as a turn off & would take offense, pay for the drinks, cut the guest list down if you need to. Honestly don't understand how you could host a party at a beer garden and not pay for drinks?

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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    Like I said it would be a very low key, casual affair with more of a 'come join us at the pub for a get together' vibe, our wedding is a different story though as no one likes weddings where people are expected to fork out for booze!

    I don't see the problem with having people BYO for something so low key though? It's not a big fancy sit down engagement where people are expected to dress up and bring cards/gifts etc.

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  • K
    Dedicated October 2019
    KAREN ·
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    I think you're fine for an engagement party, absolutely.

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