K
Just Said Yes August 2020

Low Guest Count

Kay, on July 13, 2020 at 12:53 PM Posted in Planning 0 15
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Has anyone gotten even more declines than expected? We’re getting married in August and we cut down our invite number from close to 200 down to 130 moved everything outside and said that we would be requiring masks, spacing out tables, providing hand sanitizer, etc.
We expected to still have a large decline rate, thinking we’d still hopefully have 70-75 people still come, especially since I’ve seen so many people on here saying their acceptance rate was higher than expected.
As of right now, with most of our RSVPs turned in, we have 38 people coming. I’m heartbroken. I understand if people don’t feel comfortable coming, but most people haven’t reached out to us about precautions or said that COVID was the reason for the decline. Actually, the ones that bothered to say anything have given other reasons (other obligations, money, can’t get off work) etc., which are also valid, but I’m just heartbroken. The majority of people haven’t even reached out to us to say anything, they’ve just talked to our parents or others about why they aren’t coming. I’m especially sad for my fiancé who only has one extended family member coming, because it seems that it might not be because of corona that they aren’t coming, they just don’t want to spend the time/money for him, and that hurts even more. We even are having a virtual option and told people to reach out to us for the link (because we hadn’t figured out the best way to do it when we sent out invites) and nobody has. I can’t be mad at people for doing what’s best for them, but it still hurts that it feels like nobody cares enough to even say they’re sorry for not coming or want to attend virtually. I’m just so defeated right now I don’t know how to feel. Has anyone else still going through with their wedding gone through something similar? Am I being over sensitive?

15 Comments

Latest activity by Sarah, on September 16, 2020 at 10:37 AM
  • Kenzie
    Dedicated August 2020
    Kenzie ·
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    Hi! My wedding is August 29th and we have about 35 people so far. We did wait until we got word from our venue they were moving forward with it and so I sent out the RSVP's the first week of July. When is your wedding in August? Has your RSVP date passed? I know it can be upsetting and I was preparing for a lot of no's but so far we haven't gotten any. I truly hope people are just being last minute, especially since you are taking measures to ensure your guests safety. Have you reach out to any personally to see what they are thinking?

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  • K
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kay ·
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    Our RSVP deadline is the end of this week, and we have a few people outstanding but most are family members who have told our parents they aren’t coming, so it’s looking like this is going to be about it. We have a couple people who are still question marks that we could reach out to to see if we can convince them to come, but I also don’t want to bug people too much so idk at this point.
    I just don’t understand why people aren’t communicating to us. If I couldn’t make a close friend or family members wedding I would reach out, explain, apologize and send a gift and nobody is doing that. Part of me just wants to cut everyone off who can’t be bothered to reach out beyond checking the no box, lol.
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  • Kenzie
    Dedicated August 2020
    Kenzie ·
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    Oh okay! I totally understand not wanting to bug people but maybe you could send something out about the steps you are taking to ensure safety? It's such a crazy time but I can totally see where you are coming from and I think it's hard for people to fully understand unless they are in the same situation. It's weird people aren't communicating. I feel like we've had a few people reach out to let us know they are waiting until August to make a decision, but that's mostly people from the west coast we invited which makes complete sense seeing what is happening there. It's striking too that you were expecting 130 and only have 38..I really hope your guests in this final week give you the communication you are seeking. I know it's such a stressful time but honestly, regardless the people you care about most will be there and although it's not the day you probably envisioned you will still be marrying the love of your life.

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  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
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    We aren’t getting married until September, and our RSVP date isn’t until next month, but at this point we are looking at 26 attending, 5 not attending, and 20 no response. I feel bad because all of the no’s and almost all of those we are waiting for a response are my FH’s friends/family. I’m trying to be patient because everyone has to make travel arrangements, the wedding is about 2-3 hours away for almost all of our guests, but we sent save the date cards at Christmas time so I know everyone knows about it. FH’s surrogate/adoptive (not sure how to explain) parents and sister haven’t even responded, and when I was talking to them the other day she was really elusive when I brought up the wedding so I backed off. I get people are feeling uncomfortable, I just feel bad for him that my family is so excited and his it doesn’t seem is even willing to come to an outdoor ceremony with plenty of space to socially distance.
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  • Katie
    Beginner May 2021
    Katie ·
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    I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. I was supposed to have my wedding June 20th this year. We decided to postpone because we live in NY and there would be no way we could have the wedding we wanted. You have to keep reminding yourself that this not a reflection on who you to are as a couple. People are not RSVPing because unfortunately a pandemic and public health is an important. I think if you feel this upset (understandable upset) you may want to think about postponing the wedding. August is coming quickly and I’m afraid things are going not getting any better. You deserve the wedding you want and the family you love most to be there! If postponing is not an option for you then I would reach out to those that you are most upset about!
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  • K
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kay ·
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    I’m not as focused on the fact that people aren’t coming due to the pandemic. I’m most upset that nobody can be bothered to reach out and at least say that to us or say “hey we wish we could be there” or express any interest in attending virtually. I don’t appreciate that everyone is going to our parents instead of us to make their excuses AND most of the excuses that we’ve heard haven’t even been Covid related which makes me feel like we would have low attendance at a normal time too, which makes it feel even worse. To me it feels like common courtesy to reach out in some way if you can’t make a close friend or relative’s wedding and nobody can be bothered to as much as send a text message.
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  • K
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kay ·
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    Yes, I feel bad that the majority of guests who are coming are on my side! He says it’s okay, but I can tell it kills him every time another no comes in on his side, especially from people who have no problem going on vacation with a bunch of friends to a crowded beach. I mean, I’m definitely okay with people not coming that haven’t taken any of this seriously at all but still, he’s hurt that they pick and choose when to care and he doesn’t make the cut. And his best friend can’t come because his sisters graduation got moved til our wedding weekend which is another huge bummer.
    And people definitely have been avoiding us too, which makes it more frustrating and hurtful. I’d so much rather you be upfront with me then just avoid me!
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  • S
    Savvy October 2020
    Seasonm ·
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    Well you invited a lot of people maybe some of them are just acquaintances? There should be specific people to be upset about, I feel most people in New York at least are noncommittal and it's like pulling teeth with them so I think is how they're raised. I'm trying to say it's not about you, is how people are brought up now a days they always have one foot out the door
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  • Charlene
    Dedicated May 2022
    Charlene ·
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    Wedding ARE EXPENSIVE!!! People need to understand that, at least have the decency to call. Will u get some kind of refund due to the Covid19 cancellations? Because my wedding is $135 pp and I have a little over 100 guests. There has to be some they can do so your not at a total loss. Have you considered a private ceremony and the celebration later on when covid clears up?
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    But they're not required to do that. All they need to say is yes or no. They do not need to justify their response to you. It would be very petty of you to cut off people just because they only RSVPed no to your wedding and didn't go out of their way to tell you why they can't make it. There is no social responsibility to explain an RSVP choice, and they're not doing anything wrong by not contacting you to justify their absence.

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  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
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    I understand! Plus side is he gets to marry you regardless of who wants to come celebrate with you both! I know it still sucks.
    My FH’s portion of the guest list was actually bigger than mine just because he has a brother with a big family and sister with a big family and I’m an only child, but we haven’t heard a peep from either so that’s ten people between the two. And my FH’s best friend/best man can’t make it either because he lives in South Korea (for going on 6 years now) and can’t afford to be quarantined for two weeks when he goes back (if he could even get back). He’s been acting like he doesn’t care, but this was going to be the first time we saw him in six years so I know he does.
    All we can do is focus on the positive! No matter what, it’s going to be a great day!
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  • K
    Savvy October 2020
    Karen ·
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    Kay,

    I was raised to not take things personally, because you never know what someone is going through, unless they choose to tell you. I would be thankful, they responded no, than say 'yes' and not show up. Hopefully, you can adjust the numbers for food, flowers, etc., and save a ton of money. If you cannot adjust the numbers, then that would be unfortunate.

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  • J
    January 1895
    Jessa ·
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    I have been trying not to add to a brides stress so I don't reach out to her. This is because I have very negative thoughts about holding events during a pandemic and my quarantine comfort level is much more strict then hers. I don't want to come off as judgmental so I just don't say anything at all. I don't explain myself because when I did to one person, all they wanted to do was talk me out of my stance.

    Its possible other people also feel this way.

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  • Jodie
    Expert August 2020
    Jodie ·
    • Flag

    We have 2 more weeks until our RSVP date. We have 160ish on the guest list and so far only have responses from about half. We have 65 coming and 15 declines and still waiting on 80 something responses...Part of me thinks that I actually wouldn't be too heartbroken if it stayed the 65 people...That is what I wanted my original guest list to be but my family is huge so it exploded to 160ish. lol But then as I get closer to the deadline part of me is sad that I haven't heard from the majority of my family yet. Mostly just our close friends and a bunch of his family members...And a couple of the declines kind of hit me in the feelers a little bit, but at the end of the day I will love my wedding day and enjoy every minute with those who come to celebrate with us.

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  • S
    Savvy October 2020
    Sarah ·
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    I'm in the same boat. Deadline is tomorrow with a guest list of 215...we have 90 coming and 36 declines, waiting on almost 90 responses. We originally thought we'd plan for 150-165 but FH moved jobs a year ago and guest list exploded with new coworkers (he's a cop so they're all so close we couldn't not add them in) and some family members we accidentally overlooked in all the craziness. Now not a single member of his extended family has replied and I'm thinking we might end up between 100-135. I'm actually feeling a bit relieved at the decrease in numbers but at the same time sad about who won't be there and how small the party may be compared to what I envisioned. It is what is it and on the bright side it'll cost less I suppose! Trying to stay positive.

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