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Beginner September 2024

Loved ones who invite themselves & others

Amy & Justin, on July 4, 2023 at 10:29 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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You're Not Invited, but not because I don't love you!
Before even being engaged we decided we wanted a small wedding with just immediate family, Best Man, and Maid of Honor. We both come from large families, and love them, but do not care for huge crowds. We want an intimate experience that can actually reflect our relationship and not just pleasing the masses. Also note that huge weddings are not common on either side. Both mothers say "do what feels right" but my father (who has severe anxiety and despises large events) seems to be the "You must invite ____ because they are your relative". We, the couple, are paying. What is a kind, nice, neutral way to tell our families that we really just don't want the huge event? I was sure of my response until Dad all-of-a-sudden had an opinion and feelings I don't wish to hurt. THANKS

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Emily, on July 6, 2023 at 4:39 PM

Legend July 2022
Lisa · on July 4, 2023 at 10:43 AM
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You could have a conversation with both sets of parents to say, "We've decided that we want a small, intimate wedding. We love all of our relatives, but having a large wedding just isn't what we envision for our day. This celebration will be limited to immediate family and wedding party members only, and we would greatly appreciate your support in our decision." If anyone tries to persuade you to invite additional people, you could reply with something like, "We've made our decision, and we do not wish to expand our guest list at this time."
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on July 4, 2023 at 3:10 PM
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"We have a very small guest list in mind, and we're not thinking to change anything about our plans". Then change the subject. Refuse to negotiate or give any reasoning or excuses, because then people will try to "fix" the issue, like offering money to pay for extra guests etc.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on July 4, 2023 at 3:33 PM
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“We have finalized the guest list but we can’t wait to see them at the family reunion picnic in (fill in the blank month)!” Then don’t discuss it further. Walk away or hang up the phone when it brought up the next time.
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CM · on July 4, 2023 at 4:16 PM
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I would tell your father that the size of your wedding doesn't reflect how you feel and that you are actually limiting it to immediate family in order to avoid hurting people's feelings, something which would likely happen if you were to pick and choose.
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Beginner September 2024
Amy & Justin · on July 4, 2023 at 8:37 PM
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Thank you for your input. This seems to be the direction I need to go when talking with my side of the family for sure.
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Beginner September 2024
Emily · on July 6, 2023 at 4:39 PM
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As we told our families, we won't be inviting family members we may only see or talk to once or twice during the year. Especially if those times are only holidays. I would include to say "While we would love to have all of our friends and family on our wedding day we are choosing to have a small and intimate wedding with our immediate family and closest friends. We want to spend as much time, with not only each other, but the guests who attend our wedding. We would love to catch up with you after the wedding (and honeymoon), thank you for understanding."
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