Love Languages

I found this book so eyeopening! When I took the test my Love language was Words of Affirmation & Quality time--- his is Acts of Services and Quality Time. For me personally yes it does help know how my partner shows and receives love, sometimes we don't realize someone is giving us love because its not in our love language its in theirs. I recommend this book to people all the time and not just for romantic relationships it can help in friendships and family relationships too.

Mine are gifts and words of affirmation, my spouse is physical touch and acts of service!

Every time I find something that I'd like/need, he puts it on his running list for birthdays, Christmases, etc. When he goes to the gas station after work, he always makes sure to grab my favorite drink, writes me handwritten cards for our anniversaries, etc!

I find that I do a lot of cleaning up (i'm messy, and he is very kept!) for us, as well as plenty of pedicures, back rubs, and head scratches

View Quoted Comment Yes! Absolutely! There are so many different versions of the book as well. Super helpful! I also think once you know your partner love language it makes it easier to show them love.

View Quoted Comment I love this! We are opposite because I am the very kept one and she’s the messy one lol I really think love languages are so important! It does make loving one another easy when you know how the other person receives love.

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It is so true, we tend to give/show love the way we want to be loved ourselves but thats not necessarily the way the other person needs/wants to be loved. I have also seen people think their love language is going to be one thing and then take the test and its completely different. I read this book years ago but I still go back to it because I think it is so important to remember everyone shows and receives love differently and it is super special when someone wants to learn the best way to love you.

View Quoted Comment Yes!!! Yes!! So very true! I couldn’t agree more. For years I’d always throughly my younger sister love language was receiving gifts. Until maybe 2 years ago we actually talked about it and she said no, quality time is. Which was surprising to me, but it helped me to understand that spending time with her meant more than buying her a present.

My fiancé and I are quite literally opposites... My top love languages are his bottom and vice versa. Its taken a long time but we worked really hard to figure out how to give those to each other

View Quoted Comment That’s good that you both have worked towards figuring it out. Has it helped your relationship?

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Thank you for bringing up this topic, it s interesting to read other experiences with it too!

View Quoted Comment Absolutely!

My husband is an acts of service type.

i feel like i appreciate all of it and try my best to be well rounded because i also think sometimes it's nice not just having words or only showing through actions, etc.

View Quoted Comment I couldn’t agree more Melle. Acts of service is my top as well, but I also enjoy quality time.

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Oh absolutely! We've had a great relationship the whole time thankfully but its simply allowed us to better show each other that we appreciate each other in the ways that the other most likes to receive. I'm all about always improving and learning

He's an acts of service and gifts guy and I'm a words of affirmation and physical touch person. So we do some of those for each other but tend to focus a lot on quality time since its middle of the road for both of us so we each receive it the same

View Quoted Comment Awesome! That’s great!! I love it 🥰

Mine is physical touch (both how I show and receive love)! I was fortunate to grow up in a very warm and affectionate family, so touch (especially platonic, non-sexual touch) is VERY important to me. My fiancé’s is words of affirmation (how he receives) and quality time. It’s kind of tough for me because while WOA is also high on my list, QT isn’t. PT isn’t high on his at all either.
We’ve actually struggled with this a bit in the past because he would say “well PT isn’t my love language” whenever I would express how much I wished he would just have his hand on my knee on the couch watching tv, hold my hand walking, etc., until finally I got through to him that even though it’s not HIS, it is MINE. I used the example of how I LOVE my alone time, but I know us being together even just in the same room is important to him. Whereas to me, just sitting on the couch watching TV doesn’t “count” as QT. So he makes more of an effort now because he knows how important it is to me.
It DEFINITELY takes lots of communication of your needs if you don’t have the same language, but it’s worth it 🥰

I never read the book. but we both did the test to figure out what ours were and it's helped SO much since we really started considering them. Like once we actually understood them and how they affect our daily lives and feelings, it's been great for our relationship. My main ones are quality time and words of affirmation and my fiancé's are physical touch and acts of service. It's kind of funny because someone else mentioned that one of theirs was kind of conditioned at home growing up, but both of ours come from what we really didn't get enough of from anyone. Before we really used these in our daily lives, I would really upset him if I said I'd do something around the house while he was gone and would forget (thanks, ADHD). We also used to have fights all the time about how we were constantly together, but it was never enough time for me.

We've since adjusted things, and I know not to offer to do something unless I know for sure I'll finish it and I'll really try to do one or two things he's not expecting around the house when I have the energy. For me, I had to explain to him that even if we're spending 6 days a week together, if 95% of our time together is just us sitting in the same room on our phones, that might not actually be QUALITY time. I've gotten better at letting him know what time counts towards that QT bar and he's been able to pick up on times when he knows I haven't gotten enough and will usually offer to go out to dinner or have a date night where we're just together.

View Quoted Comment I love that! It’s always good to have that open communication. And being able to express your feelings by using examples to help him understand and being able to compromise. That’s great! 💕

View Quoted Comment That’s really good! I also thought the same thing about the someone having a love language based on how they grew up. But I had the same logic as you, as our love languages being what we didn’t get growing up. I found that interesting and it did provide another perspective.