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Just Said Yes September 2019

Lost a bridesmaid

Alec, on January 24, 2019 at 9:36 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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Sorry in advance if I'm ranting or giving too much info. Shortly after getting engaged and asking my friend of eight years to be a bridesmaid she completely dropped out of my life and avoided my attempts to catch up with her or hang out. Whenever I asked about her life or tried to hang out she told me she was busy with school, which was a lie because according to her Snapchat stories she was having the time of her life. Fast forward a year and I'm hanging out with a mutual friend and I learn that this person has started a whole new life that I'm not included in and that she kept it secret from me. She finally got her license (she waited a long time), she almost died in a wreck, she had finally got a stable boyfriend, and she had a lot of new friends I had never heard of. I tried to contact her and just casually ask what's new in life that she hasn't told me and she responds with, "Are you talking about the party I'm having this weekend? I'm sorry I didn't invite you, I didn't think you'd have fun." That was the last straw for me and I ended the friendship. I told her she could still be a bridesmaid because we had eight years of being best friends but she said she was out.
Originally we had three bridesmaids and three groomsmen but now there's only two bridesmaids. One of the groomsmen is my fiance's uncle who invited himself to be in the wedding party without being asked. Ideally I'd like to not have him in the party and just do two of each but I don't want to be rude. I could ask my sister to be the third bridesmaid or I could just leave it with the two and have his uncle walk by himself. There's still eight months till the wedding. I'm not very close to my sister but we're in good terms. She already knew who my bridesmaids were so I don't know if it would be more rude to ask her to be a replacement or to be short one and not ask her. I have a lot of anxiety about both options.

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11 Comments

Latest activity by darcy, on January 25, 2019 at 8:17 AM

Master April 2019
Brittany · on January 24, 2019 at 9:39 AM
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It's okay to have mismatched numbers, very common nowadays. Don't worry about that. And don't try to replace the bridesmaid that dropped out. It is rude to ask someone to be a replacement when they knew they weren't an original choice.
Keep your chin up. Everything will be fine by the time your wedding rolls around. And it sounds like you didn't lose much of a "friend" after all, if after 8 years she could drop you so easily.
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Dedicated February 2020
Brittany · on January 24, 2019 at 9:40 AM
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Usually, the etiquette is you do not replace a bridesmaid that has dropped out. In this situation, you could probably have an honest talk with your sister and explain the situation. You could ask her if she’d be interested in being a bridesmaid but assure her there’s no pressure to be one.
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Expert May 2019
Cynthia · on January 24, 2019 at 9:51 AM
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Maybe have the extra groomsman walk your mom down the aisle, while your dad walks you down? I don’t know if they’re still together or not, but that’s been a dilemma for me. Who will walk my mom down the aisle! As of now, we are having our pastor (FH’s cousin) walk my mom down. At least she’ll have arm candy! 😂 But as others have said, there’s nothing wrong with uneven numbers.
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Devoted April 2019
💗💗 · on January 24, 2019 at 9:56 AM
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You don’t have to have an even amount of groomsmen and bridesmaids . Have your groomsmen walk in with the groom. Your bridesmaids walk in by themselves . You can do this because your bridal party is so small. When it’s tome for introductions, you can introduce the groomsmen at once and the bridesmaids . Please do not ask someone as a backup.
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Super April 2019
Kodi · on January 24, 2019 at 9:58 AM
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I lost one too, long story. But don't replace her, just keep the uneven numbers it'll be fine.
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Dedicated April 2019
Shelby · on January 24, 2019 at 10:23 AM
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I’m glad to know un even numbers is ok! My family is scattered around the country and some people who are in the bridal party might be able to come (my brother in law and his wife are going to be almost 7 months pregnant at the time of our wedding lol! They’d have to fly in and I don’t want her to do that!).
i think it’s too generous of you that after all of that you still gave HER the option to be a bridesmaid. This person doesn’t deserve your friendship and if she’s doing her own thing then you should too. I’ve heard that you really learn who you’re true friends are when you have a wedding.
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Master December 2020
Amanda · on January 24, 2019 at 10:33 AM
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Tbh we have replaced a GM that stopped being our friend and have a backup for another one that might fall out from poor choices. It may not be ediquet but I didn't care. Up to you!
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Master 0000
Judith · on January 24, 2019 at 11:12 AM
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One reason so many brides on here recommend not asking bridesmaids until 9 months out or at most 12, or less , Is because friendships change, and commitments made more than 9-12 months are more likely to be broken due to school or new job schedules, moving, BM own wedding or a family one at same time, pregnancy, or medical and financial changes. You asked over 18 months out, so do not feel bad about this. It is a very common occurrence. I know people who started with 8 and got down to 5, with no bad behavior, over 2 years. So chalk this up to asking too early out of excitement, and this friendship has run its course. There is nothing wrong with uneven numbers. My grandmother's younger sister was my godmother, and made my ladies 1 more than FI. It was fine. I would not have dropped her for the world, though a few suggested it, because she was my parents age, while rest of WP was closer to our age. It is okay to do it either way.
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Super October 2017
Emily · on January 24, 2019 at 9:03 PM
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I think this is great advice. Uneven numbers are fine, we had them and I would be surprised if anyone even noticed.
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Super April 2019
Valerie · on January 25, 2019 at 6:53 AM
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I think uneven numbers is fine.
I would caution you to not make out this person who you have 8 years of friendship with to be this horrible person. Honestly, you sound kind of young and it just seems like the friendship has faded. She isn't a terrible person for having a new life and just moving on and very few friendships are ever completely stable. Even my best friend and I have had periods of time when we weren't as close - we live on different coasts so it happens. Holding anger/resentment towards this girl because you drifted and she realized it before you will only hold you back. There are people I was close friends with in high school that I'm just now randomly reconnecting with well over a decade since the last we talked because we are now in similar parts of our life again. No one holds resentment that we weren't friends for a while and it's no ones fault our friendship faded.
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Devoted June 2019
darcy · on January 25, 2019 at 8:17 AM
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I have 2 BM's and DH is having 4 people stand on his side, 2 friends, his brother and his sister. One of my BMs will walk with 2 GM's, 1 will walk with the best man, his sister will walk my 2 daughters down and stand on his side, while my daughters will stand with me. The point is there are lots of ways to make uneven numbers work for you!
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