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Rockstar July 2019

Looking for Advice

Veronica, on June 9, 2021 at 3:31 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10
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My friend, "John" and his wife "Mary" were supposed to get married last June but because of Covid had to postpone their large wedding. They had a small wedding on their original date with their immediate family and bridal party. He just texted me looking for advice because his wife's one MOH (she had two) told her she can't make it to the wedding because she already rsvp'd yes to another wedding that same day despite the fact Mary checked with all of her bridesmaids in advance before selecting a new date. My friend is now asking me advice on how to handle the situation because Mary is understandably upset. I'm honestly not sure what to tell John because I would be really hurt and upset too if this happened to me. Any words of wisdom to tell John?

10 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on June 10, 2021 at 9:38 AM
  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    While the situation does suck, especially since she took precautions and confirmed the date with everyone beforehand, I think this is something Mary will have to move on from.

    She has 2 MOH, so it's not like she won't have one at all, and even then, it's not the end of the world if you don't have one! To save a friendship and avoid any arguments in the future, I'd let Mary know that her feelings are valid, but at the end of the day, you can't force someone to go to your wedding, despite them being in the bridal party or not. And in this case, the MOH already went to their actual wedding....so it's not really like she's missing the actual thing.

    If it were me, I'd just say: "I'm sorry to hear you won't be attending our larger wedding, this is why I wanted to confirm the dates with everyone beforehand, but I really appreciate your friendship, and I'm so glad you were able to attend our real wedding with our families!"

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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    I agree 100% with all of this. It must be such a crappy feeling to have someone choose a different wedding to go to, but the MOH at least was able to go to the wedding already.
    Unless Mary wants to stop being friends with this MOH, I think moving on is the best way to go there.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    All you can do is accept it and move on. As long as they did the legal part, everything else afterwards is optional. While the upset feelings are valid, there’s really not much of anything that can be done. Suggest that the ladies meet up at another time for coffee.
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    The MoH was already present for the first wedding. While the MoH should not have broken a preexisting agreement to attend Mary's second wedding, I can see why being MoH at a first (and only) wedding for another friend would trump Mary's redundant wedding.


    I think Mary needs to get over this.
    -a covid bride who didn't get to have any bridal party
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    The friend isn't MOH in another wedding. She is just a guest. I think Mary is just upset because she has made sure multiple times with this girl that the date still worked for her even as recent as a few weeks ago.
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  • Jm Sunshine
    Jm Sunshine ·
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    I am sorry and that is unfortunate. I think PPs are implying that MOH already attended Mary's original wedding and probably had to make a difficult decision between 2 friends: one whose wedding she already attended--yes, it was a real wedding--and now it's a vow renewal or attend her other friend's wedding.
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  • C
    Devoted September 2022
    Carissa ·
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    Unless you're Mary and its just one of those "asking for a friend" posts, I'd honestly stay out of it. It's weird to me that John can't comfort his own wife... he's gonna need to learn to do that if they're gonna be together forever. You're not part of the situation and dragging extra people into things always makes them more complicated and messy than they need to be. Tell John to ask Mary what she wants and how to handle it, not to ask a different woman.
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I'm definitely not Mary. I got married in 2019 way before the pandemic. I think they are just so surprised that he wasn't sure how to handle the situation and he knew I had something similar happen to me which is probably why he asked my opinion.
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    My mistake.


    Mary is absolutely justified to feel upset that the MoH broke her agreement. But I also think another wedding, even as a mere guest, trumps Mary's second wedding, when the MoH had already attended Mary's first wedding. For the MoH, Mary's second wedding is redundant. If the MoH had not attended Mary's first wedding, it would be different.
    It's ALMOST the equivalent of being upset that your MoH missed your bachelorette or shower in favor of someone else's wedding when she's attending your wedding
    This is one of those things where Mary needs to get over it
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    There’s not really anything to do. If you were Mary’s friend, I’d say handle it the way that you normally comfort friends when they are upset.
    I’m guessing John knows how to comfort his wife, and there is really not much anyone can do.
    I suspect former MOH had a tough choice to make, and she knew someone was going to be hurt no matter what she did.
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