Long Time Friend

I’d get lunch, but be honest about your boundaries and say that you’re not ready to have her at your wedding ESPECIALLY if there’s an open bar (I wouldn’t say that last part, but it’s a valid consideration).

You could get lunch but doesn’t mean she needs to be invited to your wedding either. I’ve plenty of friends I talked to but it wasn’t like close enough for me to want to invite them to my wedding

If you want her back in your life, get lunch or coffee. Start the friendship over. Don't immediately invite her to the wedding or include her in things like birthday parties, etc. but build the trust back up again. Go at a steady pace you're comfortable with. And explain all this to her. It's great she is trying to make amends, but she has to realize she caused these issues and if she wants to be in your life, it will be at your pace.

It doesn't sound like you believe that she has gotten sober since you put it in quotations. Is there a reason you don't believe her? Has she bounced between sober and not often to make it difficult for you to believe her? If she has, you have every right to keep some distance. If she hasn't and this was her first real attempt to get sober, then it is very disrespectful to question her. Many people fail at getting sober because their friends and families don't support their efforts.

I agree with PP that you should get lunch with her. Give her the opportunity to show you she is turning her life around.

View Quoted Comment She has boasted being sober many times in the past only to go back to the same toxic lifestyle, mainly due to bad relationships. That’s why the quotations are there, I’m not disrespecting anyone here. This question mainly deals with the way she handles herself on a daily basis, sober or not. I fully support where she is now and am glad she’s trying to get to a positive turning point but what I’m most struggling with is letting her back into my life after all the insane things she has put myself and friends through.

View Quoted Comment

Getting sober can take many times of trying. I understand she has hurt you, but it sounds like she is an addict who is trying to better her life. Unless you can empathize with what she has also been through, I don't think you should meet with her - it doesn't sound like you're quite there.

You can catch up with her without inviting her to the wedding. If she's important to you, I would consider rebuilding a relationship, but not with the end goal of inviting her or not. It just should happen on its own, exclusive of the wedding itself.

If she really wants a relationship, she will be happy to hang out with you and it will not matter if she is invited or not. If she ends up upset that she isn't invited to the wedding, then you know what the motivation about reforming the friendship was in the first place.

Please at least have lunch with her. It doesn’t mean you need to invite her to wedding. But when you have lunch don’t make the wedding main topic of conversation.