Local reception after destination wedding

This is the new trend post-Covid that many are calling “the new norm”. Everywhere you read, couples say their families and friends understand the limited invites and have no issues attending a party a month or so after the wedding. Often called “the real wedding” as though the legal one is not. Not everyone agrees with the logic behind it.


This honestly sounds like a gift grab and I would not feel comfortable attending. It would never fly in our social circles either. There should not be anything related to the registry on the invitation or inserts.
If the couple has a set list of who they choose to invite to the wedding, then do that and move forward with married life. Some people don’t realize that the wedding is not the only gathering they will host. Have a regular party and nothing wedding related after the wedding has passed. This is trying to make a year out of a one day event.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your input. I needed a reality check, because obviously much has changed! But this is how I feel about it too.

Is this a destination wedding? Or a local wedding?

View Quoted Comment It’s in another state, about 10 hours away.

View Quoted Comment Things have not changed actually. In many social circles, this type of thing is not accepted and no situation where it would be. Just because something may be popular or commonly done by some groups does not make it accepted in all circles nor considered appropriate or courteous. There is a big misconception that Covid has paved the way for etiquette to disappear because it is considered to be “outdated” but that is not true and it’s an excuse to do what they want with no consideration for others’ comfort.

Gift grab. I would decline but send a card.

View Quoted Comment OK, then this is pretty common. Most people that have destination weddings have a very small Guest list, then have a large party for everyone when they return. If this was a local wedding, that will be a whole different story.

Yep, that's rude. Any time you treat some of your guests differently than others, it can cause hurt feelings. It doesn't matter what the justification the couple has for it, if you hurt people close to you, it's not within etiquette.

Yeah, that's not cool. Especially since it's your cousin and not extended family. I would send a card but not attend.

That's not a consolation prize. It's a gift grab. Tacky, tacky, tacky!

View Quoted Comment And now I’m in the position of feeling resentful and not wanting to attend…and risk angering my sister. It’s a dilemma!

I think people are responding to the fact that you didn’t mention it was a destination wedding in the initial post. This is incredibly common with destination weddings (as a matter of fact, as soon as you tell family members that you are having a destination wedding, usually the very first question is “Will you be having a local reception when you return?”) This isn’t a consolation party, it is a full-blown local reception, where are guests will be treated to food, open bar, entertainment, etc. (so also not a gift grab). And this is also not in poor etiquette. Nearly every wedding expert, magazine, blogger, etc. has articles on this very topic.

I forgot to add… although having a local reception after a destination wedding is common and perfectly acceptable, including a link to a cash registry with an invitation is absolutely NOT acceptable- it is rude and in poor taste.

That’s odd. If they are not inviting Aunts, who are they considering as close family invites?
I agree that a cash registry is poor manners on top of this. They will not have many acceptances or cash in my opinion.

View Quoted Comment Guess I didn’t consider an out of state event a “destination wedding”, lol.

View Quoted Comment Parents and siblings.

View Quoted Comment Based on some of the responses here, I’m wondering if maybe this is a regional thing. Because where I’m from, everyone that has a destination wedding only invites a very small group (usually only parents, siblings, and closest of friends) then has a large local reception when they return. It’s completely expected, there are no hurt feelings, the receptions have huge turnouts, and most people gift the couple cash (although, most couples don’t register for gifts or cash funds). I assumed this was just done everywhere, especially since every major wedding magazine, etc. has articles about this being common and in proper etiquette 🤷🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Yep, it absolutely is. I believe the official definition is “a wedding that takes place at least 100 miles away from where the couple lives”. Basically, any time a wedding requires guests to travel 2+ hours and secure overnight accommodations, it is a destination wedding.

The link to a cash registry is tacky and against etiquette.


Everything else is fairly common and not against etiquette. They're having a parents and siblings only wedding 10 hours away. This is as small of a guest list you can get without eloping. There is a clear line of demarcation with the guest list. They are having a local reception that is more convenient to guests.
Couples are damned if you do, damned if you don't with weddings. If you invite someone, you have to invite their SO, which blows up a guest list. If you don't invite someone because you can't afford it, you offend the guest. If you invite more people to avoid offense, and you cut costs elsewhere, that is poor hosting. If you have a small wedding now and a bigger party later once you can afford it, you're no longer a bride, you missed your moment, you're having a fake princess party that no one cares about.
I'd handle this with grace. Not attending a reception becauase you feel left out of an immediate family only destination wedding is petty. However, I am side eying the heck out of this link to a cash registry. It sounds like a cash grab. That's the real problem with this.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, this is super normal to me too. Tiny destination wedding and then a party later— the party is essentially the reception. I’ve been to these and it wasn’t offensive, it felt like the real deal just without the ceremony part. It’s a way to include all the people you really want to include. It often exists as a compromise between each partner’s wishes— someone wants small and private and someone wants the big party, and this is the general solution offered to those couples.


If it was a regular wedding with a more varied guest list and then some secondary party, sure, not making the cut can get offensive. But something that requires travel and is immediate family only is it’s own thing. The local reception is the way to include the rest of their loved ones.
Also, a gift is never a requirement. If you’re concerned about a gift grab, just don’t give a gift.