Hello my Fi and I have been together and living together 20 years he is working hard are getting back into his faith and I am more than willing to do what ever it takes, he is really struggling with this and has even wanted to move out, he says he is fighting to save his soul and has just given up on us he has changed so much , I'm not catholic so I don't know all rules but this is 20 years of our life and the church has him convinced that all we had was a lust relationship and I'm not sure if this is the right word but they won't let him do communion I think that's it and it's tearing us apart he says we don't belong together cause we lived together and had relations,he says he is not a good person and I deserve better please help me he is my life my heart and soul I'm 62 and the thought of not being together is killing me. What can I do to make him see we do belong together. And we can do this together and live a catholic life. His dad is old school Roman catholic and believes this can not be made right. I can not walk away from 20 yr but he thinks we have to leave it in God's hands and if it's ment to be we will be lead back to one another. I'm sorry but if a church would rather us both suffer and lose what we have built together these 20yr a new home and kids and family that are being ripped apart over this there are so many that he is tearing apart and putting them through so much pain. How can this be right.
As a Catholic myself, every Catholic knows that if you make it right (get married), and ask for forgiveness (confession), God forgives. Sorry to say, but it sounds like something else is going on Has marriage been discussed? I'm sorry you're hurting! My best advice is to tell him you will convert to Catholicism and get married, and repent for pre-marital relations. If he isn't open to that, then unfortunately its probably time to move on.
I was thinking similar thoughts to pp. Would you convert to Catholicism and get married or even get married without converting? Would that solve the problem that he is facing? It sounds like he has some very deep seated issues that he is facing and trying to sort out. Sorry this is happening to you after 20 years together.
The church doesn't condone premarital sex and so generally doesn't approve of people living together before marriage. You can agree to live as "brother and sister" (not have sex) during your engagement if the particular priest will go for that. That you are not Catholic shouldn't be a problem, but he does have to be "free to marry" (if he has been married before, or if you have, those marriages will have to be annulled).
It sounds like he feels guilty for having gone against the Church for so long. Encourage him to speak with a priest who will help him make it right. It's not too late or impossible!
I'm Catholic as well. Lived with my now husband for 11 years, 14 yrs dating. He was raised attending Catholic mass but didn't have any of his sacramemts. We got legally married, and began attending classes for him to essentially become a member of the Catholic church and receive his sacraments (with 2 kids and pregnant with the 3rd). Once he received his sacraments, we began attending pre-cana classes (pre marriage prep) and set a wedding date. We are 4 days away from our Catholic wedding. If you're willing to convert, there most definitely IS a way. I have not felt looked down upon or made to feel less by the Church (our Parish & Diocese) because of my own choices and our path, if anything we were encouraged and supported.
It is true that you can’t do confessions if you’re not married when living together. But the church will accept you and guide you on the steps to convert and have your matrimony. You can go to another Catholic Church to speak to another priest so they can assist you in your goal to be married.
I had an similar situation where I lived with my boyfriend for just a couple years. I can honestly say that as a believing Catholic, the guilt was so heavy. My entire personality changed. It’s sounds like this is not about you or the church at all but about him and his guilt. He might be tying all that remorse onto your relationship. You guys can still fix this. You need to be willing to marry in the church even if you don’t convert. And he might need space like moving out and dating the old school way. If living together outside marriage is the real reason he did all this, it’s a simple ( not easy) solution. The main question is are you ready for a Catholic marriage to this man? I hope it works out. We’re rooting for you.