Living situation

No one has a right to say anything about any ones relationship because they are all unique and can’t necessarily fit into the same cookie cutter status.
That being said, that old adage that you don’t truly know someone until you live with them has proven to be right for me repeatedly whether it’s roommates or now my FH, there are things that you will learn about each other once you live together.
Some will drive you absolutely insane. My fiancé leaves empty containers everywhere. Like I’m staring at an empty bag of peanuts on the coffee table right now. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Sometimes he will put an empty container back in the fridge/freezer or cabinets. It’s very stressful since I’m the one who does the weekly shopping. I’ve gotten into the habit of checking EVERYTHING. What I’ve learned is every part of our life is full of potential for growth and learning 🙂❤️

On the flip side there is judgement from people about living together before marriage too. Is it more that you don’t live together or that you live with your parents? Either way, PP should not be judging you.

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OMG THIS 💯!!!

My FH leaves trash on the counter, like turn around step 2-3 feet over and throw it in the trash can 😂 oh the joys! And shoes everywhere lolol but I’m sure I do things that peeve him too.

View Quoted Comment Like leaving the trash on the counters and tables is annoying but why would you put an empty container back in the freezer?! 🤦🏼‍♀️
Makes no sense to me. But it’s nice to know I’m not alone!

Yeah - I think people tend to think what they've done in the past is the most "normal" way to go about things. So that leads to judgment if you don't sleep together before (or if you do), don't live together (or do), etc. etc. etc. Most people think they are being helpful, so I do try to let it roll off my back. Alternatively, I rage about it on a forum.

If the counsel/ advice is coming from an *actual* friend who *actually* knows you both, that may bear more weight - but it sounds like you're referring to the garden variety commenting karens out there. Be like the duck - water off your back. And good job saving that money!

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The struggle is real! It’s definitely a trade off because he does most of the cooking, but it’s like the Tasmanian devil swept through the kitchen when he’s done 😂

I can imagine that can be annoying, especially when there are many people who wait until they’re married to move in together for many different reasons: religious, to save money, they don’t want to live with someone they aren’t married to, legal reasons (it can be really messy to deal with a house if they break up and aren’t married). Just tell them to mind their business, you are both doing what you want to do. That being said, when you DO move in together, just remember what everyone said above: you learn a whole lot more when you move in with someone. My FH and I had a hard time with location of things in the kitchen cabinets/drawers because they were set up completely opposite in our own separate homes and our decorating style is completely different (his idea of decor would look like a 15 year old boy’s bedroom).

It is definitely not anyone's business. You shouldn't feel like you have to explain your reasoning. I lived with my husband before we got married, but that was because we didn't want to continue doing a long distance relationship and I couldn't have afforded to live near him on my own. One of my best friends waited until he married his wife to move in with her. They bought a house a few months before the wedding. She moved into the house immediately. Once they got married, he moved into the house. They didn't live together prior to marriage for religious reasons. Do what is best for you!

More than anything I think the biggest issue you face is deciding that others' opinions on things that don't concern them shouldn't/don't matter to you. You'll never stop people from having opinions and with some people the more you "push back" the more vocal they may become. If you have a huge need to respond at all, I'd respond with, "we've made a choice that works well for us" and change the subject. There's no absolute right or wrong here -- every option has potential benefits and consequences -- it's just a matter of how much you feel like you need to attempt to defend your choices. Assuming you and FH are adults, you are free to make your own decisions, but nothing you say or do will likely silence people who feel the need to give you their opinion. The best you can do is tune them out and continue with what's working for you.

Personally, as a woman who married in my late 20's, living together for about 9 months before our wedding (after we got engaged) was a good thing for me and my husband; we were both used to living alone and needed to make sure we were compatible. At the time, neither set of parents loved the idea (it was 34 yrs ago, so a different time), but we were independent adults and it was the right decision for us. Daughter and SIL chose to live together for a total of about 3 yrs before the wedding, but they were quite young (junior year of college) and found a huge benefit in getting out on their own and establishing their financial/emotional/practical independence as a couple apart from their families. I'm sure there were both friends of theirs and of ours who disagreed with their choice, but they were confident it was right for them. Good luck!

It’s really not anyone’s business what you guys decide to do. You know you’re situation best. People are always going to give their 2 cents even when you don’t ask. I’ve learned to take things with a grain of salt. This has made me less upset.
Husband’s SILs are always nosy in our business and always trying to tell us what to do. In my head, I’m thinking, “They barely clean up after themselves.” Roll my eyes.. My husband tells me to ignore them and tell them it’s none of their business.

View Quoted Comment We sleep over each other's houses a lot and yes sleeping over and living are different. But in the 3 years we been together we have seen a good amount on how the other lives. And I can say we are so opposite. He likes to unload and load the dishwasher, do laundry and get his clothes and lunch ready for the next day immediately after coming home from work, whereas I am a little more of a slob and when I get home from work I just throw everything then relax and before bed clean up everything. And he knows that's how I am because when he sleeps over he watches me throw everything and then later in the night clean up. So I can definitely see us needing to adjust when we live together. And our style and decor style is different. I like my decor to look nice and fancy looking whereas he likes camouflage and sports team colors everywhere. But even with having to adjust to living with someone you never lived with, and seeing every habit they have good or bad, I still don't think you have to live with someone before marriage or buying a house. If you truly love each other you should be able to make it work and realize that living together takes both people in the relationship to adjust and make sacrifices.

View Quoted Comment Trust me I totally agree with you. I know plenty of people who never lived together before they got married and it shouldn’t change anything. It’s just a different period of adjustment once you share your space with another. And every situation is completely different because every person is different. So nobody can tell you what you do is right or wrong and nobody knows what’s best for your personal situation. I moved in with my FH after 2 months of dating but we were best friends in high school and despite people making comments the other way, like we were moving too fast, it worked really well for us.

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FH has a take out bag (taco bell) hidden by the couch where he normally sits. I found inside it Arbys and Mcdonalds. I used to get so ticked off, now I just remind him to take his take-out couch friends to the trash can.

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LOL it’s good to know we’re not alone 😂😭