Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

J
Master October 2019

Little Vent on Bridesmaid

Jolie, on June 8, 2019 at 2:35 PM Posted in Planning 0 19
Saved
Reply
I’m super frustrated with one of my bridesmaids and I know I’m not the only one. I understand people have lives and their own budgets BUT when I make everything reasonable and/or optional what else can I do besides just be annoyed by it and talk to said bridesmaid? My mom must’ve texted the girls today and asked for $25 from each of them towards the shower. Now I really don’t think that’s a lot, it’s less than a tank of gas. I had to pay over $100 one time for my friend’s shower and 3 years ago when I didn’t have a good job I was upset about that but I still paid it because I agreed to be a bridesmaid. The bridesmaid tells my mom she would help but that the costs of everything is upsetting her. Um what? This is news to me but she tells my mom that. From day 1 I made the bachelorette trip optional for everyone. I know she just booked a trip to Spain after she agreed to be in my wedding last year. I know my wedding is not more important than her vacation plans but she can’t possibly put that excuse out there. That’s not fair by any means. It’s just irritating when I have other bridesmaids with their own homes, a baby, and she lives at home and makes good money as an engineer. I’m curious to see where her head space is at but I don’t think I’d see it as a fair excuse. I don’t want to be mean and start a fight or make her feel bad. Any suggestions on how to stay civil about it?

19 Comments

Latest activity by Brooke, on June 8, 2019 at 3:51 PM
  • Andrea
    Super October 2019
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Are your bridesmaids hosting your shower? Generally the host covers the cost, not your wedding party. How much are the dresses, shoes you chose? How much will the bachelorette party cost?
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Don't. Your mom shouldn't be discussing shower plans or finances with you in the first place, and I'm sure that the bridesmaid would be upset knowing that your mother violated her trust and discussed her financial situation with you. If she can't afford it, she can't afford it. You're not in a position to pass judgement or to be upset that someone can't contribute toward a party that they're not even hosting. If your mom offered to host, she's responsible for the cost.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I agree with others. If your bridesmaid didn’t offer to host she shouldn’t have to contribute financially. Just because you contributed as a bridesmaid in another wedding doesn’t mean that’s what everyone has to do. Her only responsibility should be the bridesmaid dress.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you Kelly but that’s not what everyone in my area does. The bridesmaids are part of hosting the shower.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Okay. I’m sorry then and I wish you the best. Maybe she isn’t aware of what you consider the norm in your area. I’ve been a bridesmaid 14 times in 7 different states and have never contributed if I wasn’t the host.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    No matter what area you live in, you shouldn't assume that someone is throwing you a party. You also don't have the right to know anyone's financial situation who doesn't share it with you. The fact that she's your bridesmaid doesn't change anything.

    • Reply
  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I never assumed anything I asked for advice on how to speak to her since obviously costs are upsetting her. And by the words you’re writing then you have zero right to tell people budget should be considered if the discussion of what they can and can’t afford seemingly shouldn’t happen. You make zero sense. Thank you
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Oh I’m sorry I misunderstood. Personally I wouldn’t confront someone over $25 and I would send the money to your mom to cover her part if your mom can’t. I think if you try to get involved in her personal finances it won’t end well. But at the end of the day you know your friend best and what tactics would work best and what she would or wouldn’t take offense to.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP December 2019
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    In my circle the bridesmaids host the shower and split the cost

    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Super October 2019
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    That’s what i was saying. The host pays. Bridesmaids should pay if they are hosting. Otherwise, it isn’t their responsibility.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    That’s what I’m used to. I wasn’t forcing it on anyone just wasn’t sure!
    • Reply
  • CDickman
    VIP September 2019
    CDickman ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Ok you have three options on how to handle this. I am not going to give advice cause you do not want my advice

    1. Let it go
    2. Ask her about it at hey I heard you are not paying $25 for my bridal shower I was working seeing why not. Now I am warning you this may start a fight. This may cause you a BM. Not trying to bully but I am not goi g to lie to you.
    3. Kick her out of the wedding. If you do this it will cost you a friendship.
    Hope all planning goes well.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes. She said she didn’t mean to freak out it’s with all her student loans and her parents were yelling at her about money or something. So everything is all good! She apologized for freaking out. It wasn’t much about the $25 I was just concerned she was upset about the total costs involved with the wedding.
    • Reply
  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Sorry this is upsetting. Try to remember she's your friend. Maybe she was having a bad day at the time. Maybe there are money problems you don't know about and she's too proud to talk. Could be something totally unrelated to the wedding has got her down right now.
    • Reply
  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Good you have clarity!
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Glad it all worked out!
    • Reply
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Ah I see what you're upset about. it's sort of polite to think ok well $25 isnt too much and I'm a bridesmaid so I don't mind contributing. It's sort of her attitude you're annoyed about rather than the monetary value right?
    Some people can just be kind of nitpicky about things. It's hard because you don't exactly want to bring it up to her since I think that's something you as a bride probably shouldn't have had to worry about anyway for shower costs. So maybe instead have your mom or whoever is mainly in charge of the shower to ask if she needs help with costs or if she's comfortable contributing an amount she's comfortable with or just let it go. In the grand scheme of things $25 really isn't a lot but I do see how you can be peeved about it because it isn't and it would be nice of they didn't make a big deal out of it either .
    • Reply
  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Right. Thank you! $25 isn’t even a full tank of gas at this rate so it kind of felt like jeez what am I doing wrong, is everything else too much money too? Ya know? And like you said it didn’t seem like much to ask. But she explained to me that it was mostly her own thoughts of her own bills and such that she brought to the surface as a little freak out. Everything should be good now!
    • Reply
  • Brooke
    Dedicated October 2020
    Brooke ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Same in my area, if you're a part of the bridal party, you are expected to help with costs of shower/bach party, even if it's a few things from the dollar store for gods sake, something is something.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics