Expert October 2020

Life On Hold Until Wedding (long Rant)

Soon2BSmith, on September 8, 2019 at 11:41 AM Posted in Planning 0 5

I starting to feel like everyone feels like my wedding should be all I focus on until the day arrives.

Example: I would like to go on a weekend trip for 30th birthday this year, and my mom has continually made negatives comments about me needing to stay home. Granted, I do travel quite a bit, but I haven't went anywhere or made any arrangements besides the weekend trip since my engagement.

Another example: I purchased my first home last year, and would really like to redecorate since my furniture is years old from my apartment and doesn't suit my house. Before the engagement, everyone was so happy to give me their opinions, now everyone thinks I shouldn't buy anything until after the wedding.

I feel like this wedding has become my identity.

I've had friends flat out say, in a group chat, "Hey, I'm planning a trip to Greece, I know you can't go Reese because of the wedding, but if anyone else is interested, let me know".

I also feel guilty for making large purchases that aren't wedding related, because my mom would say things like, your dad is working overtime to pay for your wedding you want to buy a costume for Caribbean Carnival. It will roughly cost me about $1000 this year, but it's a tradition I do with my friends. Next year, the festival is held on my actual wedding day, and the following 2 years, we are planning on having babies. So, Idk when I will be able to do with my friends again.

My family wants to talk about the wedding EVERYDAY, and sends pictures EVERYDAY.

And I have over a year to go.

I should also mention, that I NEVER wanted this big wedding. I wanted to elope or just a small ceremony of 40 people. We are at 130 people and having a pretty elaborate wedding. I only agreed because my FH really wanted it and my Mom begged me.

I feel like my FH gets to participate in the planning when he feels like, and he ultimately just has to show up, and it's his fault I'm even stressed or spending so much on a wedding in the first place.

So, even though I don't want to come off as ungrateful, I don't want to be consumed by all things wedding.

Advice Please!!


Latest activity by Jennifer, on September 8, 2019 at 2:04 PM
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    I think you need to tell your family that they are stressing you out. And you need to do what YOU want to do.
    • Reply
  • Dana
    Dedicated October 2019
    Dana ·
    • Flag
    Girl, live your life. Do what you want to do. If your parents are guilting you about money, pay for your wedding yourself and take that power away from them.
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Devoted September 2021
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag
    I was getting similar comments from my family-my aunt started freaking out that I didn’t have my centerpieces planned about a year out from the wedding, even though I obviously had plenty of time. My solution was to make a timeline breaking planning up by months that I share with anyone who decides to give advice. You still need to live you life!
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Expert October 2019
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    I would tell your family that, while you appreciate their input, you are more stressed by the comments than they are helpful at this time.

    I'm currently a grad student, so I get those same comments. Eventually, I just had to address it head on.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Super September 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    Lol you sound like me in so much of what you wrote. I've come to the decision that, for many people, the wedding really is their identity; Truly the best and most important day of their lives (I will refrain from getting into my opinion on that). 🤷🏻‍♀️ Anyway, like PPs have stated, it'll likely need to be confronted head on. Good luck.
    • Reply

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