lgbtq friendly wedding with conservative family members

I'd say use inclusive language on websites and invites, they'll likely take the hint.

Any suggestions? Out website and invites already use pretty inclusive language. Just knowing some of the involved parties, I’m not hopeful that they’re socially aware enough to take the gentle hints.

We will also be having a wide array of guests at our wedding – including LGBT friends, friends who do not share the same religious believes as some of our conservative family members, and friends who dress in an alternative style. We are not having any sort of dress code for our guests, so we are including in the invitation that the theme of our wedding is love and acceptance. And since we love and embrace each of our friends and family members exactly the way they are, so that is how we would like them to come- however they feel comfortable! Hopefully that will get the message across to everyone!

I think it’s very sweet of you to think of this. I’d say though that you’ve done all you can and really you can’t control an adult no matter what. Not sure if they would offend someone because they lack knowledge or if they would intentionally say something to offend someone. Either way I would give my friends the head up and let them know that they are welcomed no matter what others say. I’d also mention to my family members that it won’t be accepted. Good luck with this and I hope you have a very peaceful special day!

You could state "This is a LGBTQ-friendly event" on the wedding site and RSVP. After that, there isn't much to do other than to challenge any offensive statements if you overhear them.

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Do you have a socially aware family member that can talk to the ones that might need help getting there for your day? Or you could talk to mom, dad, or grandma, etc and let them know what to expect. Remind them it is better to say nothing than something that could hurt or offend and that you simply look forward to spending the day with all the people that mean something to you. It's wonderful that you're thinking of this and looking our for your LGBTQ guests as well.

You can’t control how people act. Don’t worry about it, if something happens the adults involved can handle it amongst themselves. It’s not worth losing sleep over!

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I agree with this. My first husband had a lot of relatives that have never seen a person who is not Caucasian, hetero, Christian and married with 2.3 kids. I am not kidding. Their idea of diversity is a person who got too tan on vacation. I have a cousin who is gay and how can I say this? Ya know he is gay when he speaks. I did not not care - that is THEIR problem.

Thanks for all the comments, folx! We beefed up the language on the website and have started having some gentle conversations with people that we're worried about.

I think what it comes down to is that I just don't want my friends to be responsible for that emotional labor with family members that I'm not close to, especially when I'm not available to jump in and help mediate.

I would have one on one conversations with those you are concerned about. We too had this issue with my dad's siblings (I'm from the NC bible belt). He spoke with them directly. They were basically told that we wanted them there, but if they could not co-exist that day, then their presence was not needed. All in all, I think it is going to work out. I would rather have people there that are 100% accepting than someone who will be judging or making anyone feel uncomfortable. Good luck

I had a similar issue where a soon to be family member was asking to out me to their brother as being transgender prior to the wedding so that the brother would be aware and would have time to get over any issues prior to the wedding.

I had to have a one on one discussion with the family member (who honestly was trying to ease any negative issues prior to our day, albeit as gracefully as a bull in a china shop). I explained that there was NO need to out anyone (including myself). Yet they could simply explain to their brother that the wedding was a gay wedding and there would be MANY members of the LGBTQ+ community in attendance as guests. As with all of our guests, we are expecting everyone to be respectful and kind no matter their personal beliefs. We also explained that we respect differences of opinion and do not want to put ANYONE in an uncomfortable position. Therefore, if the brother felt like he could not handle the situation, we would respect his decision to stay home and we would consider it the best gift on our day that they could give us.