Letting Your Relationship / Marriage Change You

Positive growth is necessary in life. Your significant other should be inspiring you to do better and be better, but absolutely no one should ever force or expect another to change. And, you should never lose yourself. I'm huge on compromising, but I keep myself in the compromise.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for sharing this insight.

It is definitely a balance of both. You don't want to lose yourself in a relationship, but I also think it is sometimes a good thing to let your partner positively influence you. For example, my husband has become a lot more responsible with his health and just with life in general (lol) since he met me. I also feel like I'm a lot more relaxed and more optimistic since I met him. So we both have definitely positively influenced each other in a lot of ways and I guess you could say our relationship has "changed" us, but it's not like we've lost ourselves... we're both just better versions of ourselves.

People are in a constant state of change. The only question is if that change was a good one or not. Myself, I'm inclined to think my husband has inspired me towards more healthy changes, and the same for him.

View Quoted Comment I like the way you worded this yassss

I think we are always growing and a healthy relationship will encourage growth that is positive and makes you feel good. I think over time you will bond with your spouse over shared experiences and that will always change a person. I don't believe you lose yourself in a relationship but if you are given the ability to identify parts of yourself that you can change while in a relationship then I think you can shed the bad stuff.
My fiance says he always had the ability to do well in life, but that our relationship helped him identify strengths hes using now he wouldn't have thought of before. I think it's a good example of what it's like to have a healthy growth over a relationship.

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Oh, yes, this.

People will always change. You cannot make them change, but you can support them, guide them, help them, and ask for the same.

Communication is key. As wants, needs, ambitions, fears, and everything else change, you communicate with your partner, and steer accordingly.

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I agree that you have to find a balance.

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As long as the change is for the better your okay with it? Even if you're compromising your true self?

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I also appreciate that insight.

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Shed the bad and take on the good. I like that perspective.

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I agree that you cannot make someone change, they have to be willing to change.

I don’t know about “change” you but a relationship is meant to better you , if you don’t hold each other to a higher standard and lift each other up as well as compliment one another I don’t think it would work , if one partner is very laid back and the other is more regimented they should be able to aid each other in the areas in which they lack therefore not changing but rather helping each other find a healthy balance however that is never something that should be “expected “

Like me and my FH he is very much a “calendar “ type of person if it’s not there it won’t happen and in being with him I’ve been able to get myself more organized in that manner not Because he’s forced me or changed me but because I’ve seen the benefits of the scheduling, as for him I’ve showed him in he gets home from work he doesn’t have to immediately start doing house chores but rather can take a min to breath and unwind beforehand which has helped him relieve some stress ,again, not Because I made him change but Because he saw a benefit in it ... Balance is key to life and if you can find someone who does that for you it’s wonderful

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The only time the change is unhealthy and compromises you is if it is forced on you/you force it on yourself. In that case, get out of the relationship because it's abusive. Otherwise, change is a natural progression of life. Every new experience, person, event changes you. Even hormones change you.

I certainly don't view situations the same way I did 5, 10 years ago. And my husband is only part of why those changes happened: I went back to school for my masters degree, I moved, I changed jobs, I learned new things from colleagues and friends, I had new nieces and nephews, etc., etc.

If anything, I feel like fighting against healthy change ends up compromising your integrity and stunting personal growth.

View Quoted Comment For me you described changing each other for the better.

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Got it, thanks for clarifying.