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Queen Cone
Devoted September 2020

Letting go of guilt... planning for fall weddings

Queen Cone, on June 15, 2020 at 7:54 PM Posted in Community Conversations 4 22
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I noticed many people who are planning to move forward with fall weddings this year have been feeling guilty about inviting guests who may end up exposed to the virus.


Yes, every state is in a different predicament right now. But my state (NY) has the virus under control despite everything else going on and despite business violations. If your state is seeing a surge in cases, what I’m about to say may not be so applicable but hear me out!
Today my county legislator gave a briefing in which he made some points that may ease your guilt. Essentially, he said that if a state has the virus under control and begins to enter new phases, we cannot fear the virus. If we are allowed to go to the hair salon, let’s say, we should go. We cannot stifle the economy further and let fear paralyze us. Eventually we have to get back to our normal lives. This is not the normal condition and we don’t know how long it will take for a vaccine or if we ever will approve one.
I also feel that we as brides can’t take ultimate responsibilty for the health of our guests. We can only guarantee that precautions will be taken to protect them at the wedding. At the end of the day it is up to each guest to make decisions about whether they will attend and what precautions they’ll personally take.

22 Comments

Latest activity by Queen Cone, on June 16, 2020 at 11:20 AM
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I agree with you in that - brides and venues and vendors can have safety precautions to try to mitigate as much risks as they can but at the end of the day guests will come if they’re comfortable and they won’t come if they’re not.
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  • Queen Cone
    Devoted September 2020
    Queen Cone ·
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    Yes exactly. every day we make choices to go out whether its to the grocery store or to get takeout. we could take all the precautions in the world and a guest can get sick the next day somewhere else. theres only so much we can do
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  • Shakia
    Savvy September 2021
    Shakia ·
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    Absolutely agree Smiley smile

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  • Kevin
    Super October 2021
    Kevin ·
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    Thank you! I really needed this. My FMIL is calling us selfish for not wanting to postpone until next year and it made me feel so guilty!
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  • Amanda
    Dedicated June 2021
    Amanda ·
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    Omg yes I agree with this! I have so many people look at me like I’m crazy for going on with my wedding! If anyone doesn’t feel comfortable they can just say a simple no thank you. I’m tired of
    Peoples comments and making me feel guilty so I needed this.
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  • Queen Cone
    Devoted September 2020
    Queen Cone ·
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    Im glad you feel the same!
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  • Taylor
    Dedicated October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    Well said!
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  • Erica
    Savvy June 2024
    Erica ·
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    I'm glad you posted about this...my issue is that my FMIL has told my FH that she isn't coming to our wedding if we continue to have it on Sept 5. I am really bothered by this, I think its so unfair of her to say that. Now everytime we talk about our wedding it is an argument bc he said she doesnt feel safe and he's not going to be there if his mom isn't there....But she doesn't want to wear a mask and she doesn't want to social distant! But wait there's more.....so everyone is soooo afraid of comimg to my wedding in September... but no one has a problem with having their great granddad a 102nd bday party in July.?!?!? How would you feel about that? When I ask my FH how does he think that makes me feel...he says it's not like that... but hello it's exactly like that. And I can't help but feel some kind of way (bad way) about my FMIL... it's definitely creating a wedge... Am I in the wrong? What should I say or do?
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  • Queen Cone
    Devoted September 2020
    Queen Cone ·
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    I had a similar issue. I keep trying to explain to people that im not postponing my life because of this virus. things are opening up where i am if I’m allowed to do it will. Im not breaking any rules and I feel with the right precautions theres no reason to postpone.
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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    We recently postponed our October wedding... but not out of guilt of guests getting sick. We’re having a destination wedding weekend in Vegas. Since this will be second marriages for both of us, we specifically selected Vegas to host a fun time with 65 of our family and friends. But with the virus still being new and states just beginning to open up, we didn’t want our guests traveling and staying 2 nights, just for our weekend plans to include restrictions. The location for our Welcome mixer on Friday is closed “until further notice”, our hotel for the wedding is still closed and Sunday’s brunch spot is too. So, we’ll wait until they get this new lifestyle figured out. 😆


    However, if our wedding was local and a standard 6-hour 1-day event, we’d definitely continue forward with it this October. But since it’s not, we’re fine with waiting until next October. Also FH and I are in our 40s. So we aren’t in a rush and not pressed for time like younger couples.
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  • Erica
    Savvy June 2024
    Erica ·
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    Thank you for your response. I completly agree with you and I live in Ohio and as of June 1, 2020 the governor allowed up to 300 people for weddings with some social distancing rules. So we would not be breaking any laws. And I'm not about to sit in my home and postpone my life.
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  • Kathryn
    VIP August 2020
    Kathryn ·
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    God, this. We got told by our venue that we can't postpone again, so we either go ahead or lose a good chunk of non refundable cash. At some point we would like a house, so we either put that off again or we just accept that this is what it is and get married with our plans. I get more mad just thinking about the truth is that the venue is the real villain - they're flat out not giving us more options.



    We're going to get married with whoever shows up. 🤷‍♀️ Masks, no masks. Whatever they're comfortable with. Out of a concern for money we can't change our plans again. I feel guilty and kind of sick to my stomach- I had a panic attack sending save the dates. But here we are. I'm just hoping it won't be too bad for those that do come.
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  • L
    Expert September 2020
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    I’m getting married in August in NY. Not sure where exactly yours is, but as of right now I still cant tell either way if itll happen. But I am not willing to postpone again, it seems silly to put my life on hold another year since were legally married. People have a choice to attend or not, thats up to them. I’d only be concerned if a parent or grandparent didnt want to come then we’d consider other options. But people are so quick to judge when you dont know why people are choosing to still have the event, theres a million different reasons. Frankly, at this point what I really want is a celebration with just family and close friends and everyone else can take a hike 😂😂
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  • Queen Cone
    Devoted September 2020
    Queen Cone ·
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    I agree. I’m sure for whoever who shows up it will be great!
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  • Lindsay
    Devoted July 2021
    Lindsay ·
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    I agree with this completely I ended up cancelling my wedding not because of the virus but because of financial issues so I’m just having a small backyard wedding but I am upset that I have to now move the party to next year and start all over again and be able to wear my dress I wanted it done this year but I have so many people I know just living in fear. I get it but at the same time we can’t live our lives that way either because we’re not going to live then we don’t know what any year will look like but we sure can not sit in our homes waiting for a vaccine to happen.
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I completely agree with this. We need to keep going with our lives and to keep the economy going. I feel like things are finally turning around for us, we live in Wisconsin so our venue has decided on certain rules. None of them are that bad, and they have their first wedding this coming weekend!! I'm actually excited for them lol. If people choose not to come because of the virus I do understand, but I'm not going to let it run my life.

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  • Queen Cone
    Devoted September 2020
    Queen Cone ·
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    Totally agree! i think most want to get on with their lives and will come
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  • E
    Devoted August 2020
    Elle ·
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    Thank you for posting this. I am August in southeastern PA. Every time I see on here that a November 2020 bride or someone moved their wedding to Fall 2021, I feel like I'm the only person who's moving forward. I want to get married and just move on. I also recently found out that my dad has a huge lung tumor that eroded part of his rib, and I need to be prepared for the fact that he might not even make it a year (it's very true that he might defy all odds, but you will never know! You'll seriously never know...). So postponing is just not the correct option for us.

    We are not in Green phase in my county yet, but cases are rapidly decreasing here, and I am positive that we will hit the necessary county regulations to have our wedding!

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  • Queen Cone
    Devoted September 2020
    Queen Cone ·
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    Sorry to hear that about your dad. i completely understand your reasoning for my forward. i kept getting nervous seeing everyone move their weddings but i know im not the only one who hasnt postponed
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  • E
    Devoted August 2020
    Elle ·
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    Thanks. My fiance's cousin is getting married 20 days before us, and she's also moving forward with her wedding. Like you, sometimes I feel guilty for not postponing, but if guests don't want to go, they don't have to go! I already have 30 people rsvp Yes, who are not even family members. So I do know people who want to go!

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