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Beginner November 2023

Let's talk about how to ask bridesmaid-to-be to be your bridedmaid

Alexandra, on November 16, 2021 at 5:28 PM Posted in Planning 0 7

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I am trying to think of a way how to ask my best friend and a closest friend to be in my wedding party for 11/04/2023. I want my best friend to be my maid of honor since she is my best friend and we went through thick and thin together. But, she told me that she will not be a maid of honor as she is not people person and she doesn't want to plan the bacholorette party. Then my closest friend who I am planning to be my bridesmaid. My best friend told me how my closest friend would enjoy to plan the bacholorette party.
Any ideas how to ask them to be in my wedding party (I didn't ask them already)? Can I reserve the roles between the maid of honor and bridesmaid? As I want the best friend to be the maid of honor as it would feel weird of not having my best friend in my wedding party as the honor.

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Heather, on November 17, 2021 at 4:56 PM

Dedicated November 2021
Michelle · on November 16, 2021 at 6:23 PM
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I had 3 bridesmaids in my wedding and no maid of honor ( I don’t like picking favorites). You could go that route or if your friend who would be a bridesmaid wants to plan the bachelorette party, let her. Just because tradition says the maid of honor plans it, doesn’t mean she has to.

As for asking, I kept it simple and just asked. No special gifts or proposal. I feel like it takes the pressure off of feeling like they have to say yes if they don’t want to.
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Master February 2022
Rosie · on November 16, 2021 at 6:35 PM
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I'm also having two bridesmaids and no maid/matron of honour. I think you could just take them out to dinner and ask at the same time, and tell them that you love them equally so there's no separate names, and that they can decide between themselves who would like to organise the bachelorette party etc.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on November 16, 2021 at 7:44 PM
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Just ask them in a regular conversation. Your bridesmaids should only be your closest current innermost social circle. Not in-laws out of obligation or your high school friends you no longer talk to.

Boxes of trinkets pressure people on the spot to say yes without considering whether they are financially or emotionally able to participate in the role.
Bachelorette parties are always optional and are often a casual night out on the town for dinner and drinks. No one is under obligation to host an expensive sleepover that requires air travel if they are not extroverts and they don’t have a lot of money to spend. Keep it simple and inexpensive or feel free to nix the bachelorette entirely.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on November 16, 2021 at 7:58 PM
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I would wait at least a year to ask anyone, since your wedding is still two years away. And when you are ready to ask, just ask each one individually without putting any pressure on them for what jobs you think come with the role. There aren't actually rules about attendants having to throw you parties. So, whoever doesn't like to or can't afford to plan parties, doesn't have to. And whoever loves throwing parties, can volunteer to do that.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on November 16, 2021 at 9:11 PM
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Definitely don’t ask before 6 months before the wedding. There are many posts describing brides who asked way too early and the wrong people and wanting them to step down with or without ending the friendship. There is nothing they need to do before 6 months and relationships change so much over time.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on November 17, 2021 at 2:21 AM
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I would wait to ask until early 2023. We've heard waaaay too many stories about people regretting asking too soon.
Your MOH doesn't have any special duties. She doesn't have to make speeches or host things. Ask whomever is closest and not for what they can do for you.
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Super November 2021
Heather · on November 17, 2021 at 4:56 PM
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You can have everyone meet up for dinner and give it to them that way. A lot of my girl friends did that for when they asked their bridesmaids. For me, I went to my chosen bridesmaids houses individually as a surprise and to spend a little bit of quality time with them. I had three bridesmaids and one matron of honor who was my cousin, but was like a sister to me. I made cute proposal boxes for them which I mostly got from either Target or from Amazon.
I asked my girls about 10 months before the wedding (my original wedding date was pushed another month so it would've been 9 months). I know a lot of girls choose way too early here on the forum as they shared their experiences. But luckily my girls were AMAZING. I did not have one issue with them. So, everyone is definitely different.
I honestly didn't expect them to do much other than assist me on certain things that I possibly needed help putting together. They always kept checking up on me and see what needed to be done which was nice. When it got closer to the wedding date I definitely asked them if they could help me with some wedding stuff (party favors, center pieces, etc.) and they were able to come through to help me.
If you want your girls to definitely help you during this wedding process then ask them if its okay to ask for their help. It's still polite to ask especially when the girls have lives of their own whether it be work, school, family, etc.
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