"let me know if you need any help"

I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so I've said a lot of "yeah, thanks, I'll definitely let you know if I need anything" with very little intention of following up, haha. I'm making all the flowers for my wedding, so people have offered to help with that, but it's kind of delicate work and I'm picky, and I'd like to be able to say that I made them all by myself. I've asked for opinions from people on things like colors, my shoes, bridesmaid dresses, but that's about it.

I've had several people say that to me and haven't heard a thing from them and I've had people who did not say that to me, send me random vendors/places they have used that they recommend. I haven't asked anyone for help. I have used that line as well lol I ended up helping a bride make paper bouquets.

View Quoted Comment

Yeah I feel similarly! The hardest part is picking out all the vendors, and that just feels so personal! Like I wouldn't let anyone else pick out a florist for us. I'm not DIYing any aspect of my wedding so I suppose that's where help could come in the most!

View Quoted Comment

Actually, same. I had one or two acquaintances email me out of the blue with a bunch of tips and recommendations they learned from their own weddings. That was nice to get their input!

View Quoted Comment

Vendors is definitely personal. I suppose we did get a recommendation from FH's coworker for our venue, so that was helpful. If I knew anyone else who had been recently married in my area, I'd definitely pick their brain on who they used and who worked well, but that's about it.

To me this has been a statement meaning I’m going to insist on helping you even if you don’t want it and push things onto you and stress you out more and if you don’t accept or give me something to do it’s going to hurt my feelings and make you feel guilty

Many people say things they really don’t mean just to be polite.

I've been getting that a lot lately but I have not taken anyone up on it because I don't think they quite get how tedious some of the work actually is and I don't want to put that on them. Maybe if I really really need the help I will accept once we're closer to the date but so far I'd rather not.

Usually the things that can be helped with is any DIY decor or centerpieces (anything you are upgrading for looks) not from a florist, or if favors need to be assembled. Or maybe stuffing envelopes for STDs and invites. I helped my friend spray paint and pick out burlap/lace/ribbons for her centerpiece mason jars. These are simplistic tasks that sometimes just require a little more man power. I think people say it to sound helpful even if you don't reach out for the assistance. I know my friends who have gotten married I'll just ask them advice or vent about certain aspects of planning. They've been super helpful.

Lol, I've had my mom and MOH ask me this, but to be honest...there just isn't anything i've needed help with. I do most (if not all) of the wedding planning online at work. I'm thinking I MIGHT need more help closer to the date, with maybe seating & centerpieces...but I just don't know.

View Quoted Comment

This. I've have tons of people offer, but I'm way too much of a control freak to actually let people help. (Which I'm sure I'll regret at some point. haha.) I usually just say something like "thanks, that's really kind of you to offer! I'll definitely let you know if I need anything."

Depends on the person. Had FH family say this many times but don’t mean it in the slightest (a whole other post for that) and have had people say it and follow through.

I had a lot of people say this to me. Of course, some of them it was definitely just a polite gesture/conditioned response, but for some it was genuine. For instance, 4 of my bridesmaids as well as a lot of friends were already married and very familiar with vendors, recommendations, contracts, timelines, etc. So I was able to ask them for help with negotiating things, asking for tips, etc.

My step mom is a baking whiz, so when I decided I wanted to do a dessert table, she volunteered to help coordinate and bake. Other "help" items for me were running errands, dropping off payments, making phone calls I couldn't make from work, setting up the ceremony space, etc. I was HAPPY to delegate tasks that didn't affect my vision/plan (also a slight control freak here) but needed to be done.

I haven't even gotten that. No one has offered to help, make suggestions, or do anything. Its literally been on me with the help of fiance here and there. It's been hurtful, disappointing and unexpected.

View Quoted Comment

Sorry to hear that, Ingrid. What types of things would you want help with?

View Quoted Comment

That sounds nice! Perhaps closer to the date I will find things I need more help with.

View Quoted Comment

Oh yes I forgot about the seating chart! I will definitely need help from a few family members there, but need to send my invites out and get RSVPs first. Good call!