Lessons Learned from Wedding Planning?

I wish I did the separate email address. I would say shop around! Figure out what your budget is, and what you are comfortable with spending. Don't go into debt for a wedding.

1). Get an email address that you and your FI access.

2). Focus in the marriage, not the wedding

3). Don't promise invitations until you've finalized the guest list

4). When stressing over a decision , think to a wedding you attended 2-3 years before. Do you remember that detail? If not, chances are others won't, either.

5). People will forget how the cake tasted, what color shoes your bridesmaids wore, or if your tablecloth doesn't exactly Match the rest of your decor. People remember how you treated them. Treat your family, friends, and vendors with respect and grace.

6). Get your thank-yous out pronto.

7). Your bridal party is there to stand by your side. They have no responsibilities other than buying the dress and showing up sober and ready for pictures.

8). Get the words "it's my day" out of your vocabulary. As soon as you invite guests, it ceases to be your day.

9). You have a fiancé who is also getting married. Let him have a voice.

10). Have fun! And remember above all that this is still a time to discern your relationship with your fiancé. Take a marriage prep course. Most churches offer them, and they are very helpful.

Take what you thought you were going to spend, and double it

Make sure your wedding is representative of who you (and your FH) are, NOT who you want to be/who you want people to believe you to be...

LOL KM good one!

Make Lists!!! I seem to forget everything since I started planning

I started this thread the other day. Might be helpful :-)

https://m.weddingwire.com/forum-posts/2037f5e9cbb77923

Even though you may have been friends with someone for 13 years doesn't mean that they're going to be a good bridesmaid. Choose very carefully who you want, and if you feel like you're putting someone up there because you think you should, don't do it. I NEVER thought I'd have this problem but I have a friend that has very different religious beliefs, and it has never been an issue in the past 13 years and she agreed to be a bridesmaid but now her religion is making it VERY difficult for me to keep her as a bridesmaid. I had no idea I'd be one of the many who may lose a friend through this whole thing.

Okay that was a pretty negative nancy thing. So for the positive things. Start doing DIYs early. Don't worry that you're doing anything too early unless you know that you doubt your decisions a lot. I bought my dress over a year and a half out and I'm still in love with it! Book things as early as possible so you get who you want. Don't share too many details on social media about your wedding. And the the things the other girls have said!

Don't share planning details with too many people. They'll all have their own opinions and vision of what a wedding should look like and will want to impose them on you. Although you can and should say no if it's not in line with your vision, but that gets frustrating.

Great advice! Thank you!

Agree with HIH. Really think before you ask people to be in your bridal party. I wish I had done that and sat on it more before asking those I did. I love my girls, but having to catch up with all of them because no one really knows each other, mediate crap, etc. has not been ideal.

Set clear expectations with everyone early: especially you family and his. My family was easy to deal with but FH's has been a nightmare. Both his parents are super controlling and his mom is a total narcissist. She is holding a grudge against me bc I didn't let her plan my entire wedding. Let your families know what you expect of them and what they can expect of you. If you plan for you and FH to plan the wedding on your own with little input from others, tell them that at the beginning. It may save you a lot of fights later.

There are some decisions you can (and possibly should wait on) : choosing your bridal party is one. There is no need to pick them a week after getting engaged. Enjoy being engaged and wait a while to see who else is really there for you.

People are going to surprise you. Friends and family will be there to love and support you. Some people who you never expected will let you down. Take the time to grieve it and move on. Bc for every person that disappoints you, someone will be there for you like you never imagined. Celebrate those people and those moments.

Elope.

I know the emails can be annoying. All mass type emails have to have an opt out. It's usually way at the bottom. It doesn't take to much work to get them to stop. I used to just hit delete on them all, but it got to be ridiculous. So I started opting out and my email went back to normal.

You can still make a new email and give that out for the rest of the time.

People hear the word "wedding" and go bat shit crazy.

Make sure you and your FH are on the same page, and stand strong against other people trying to get their way.

Make sure to focus on the marriage. The wedding is a chance to celebrate with your friends and family, but it's just one day. The marriage is (hopefully) for the rest of your lives.

All good advice, esp. marriedoldhag (ha, great user name!)

Have FUN with planning and keep everything in perspective -- don't let anything get in the way of your happiness. You can remember your wedding day as being stressed out or being blissful. Be blissful. Get a DOC or WC if you can afford it. Worth it.

Also...know yourself and your boundaries. I'm a borderline introvert and need time alone. I knew that getting dressed with my wedding party would stress me out so I got dressed alone (albeit with hired MUA and hair person) and had about a half hour to spare, in which I texted my now-husband, had a nice cup of coffee and enjoyed the quiet of the morning.

Do what works for you to ensure that you'll have a very enjoyable day! There are no rules. It goes by fast.

@FutureMrsDean - yes, I have learned that the hard way! people have opinions about everything you do wedding related! Started keeping them to myself.

I have been planning for almost a year now:

1.) If you are going to go all out and have a *wedding* wedding you cannot book vendors soon enough.

2.) Make sure your FH is on the same page as you - odds are he's not on at least something and is afraid to say anything because he does not want to upset you.

3.) Stop. And talk to your FH about your MARRIAGE periodically throughout the planning process. It is so easy to get wrapped up into the wedding that you lose focus on the marriage.

4.) Do NOT think your in laws, your grandma, or anyone else will give you money for anything. Plan the wedding as if you and your FH will need to pay everything yourselves.

5.) Do NOT give your "real" e-mail to any vendor at a bridal show - they will spam you for months.

6.) Do NOT expect anyone to be as excited as you about the wedding. Be prepared for your FH to not care about anything other than cake and booze.

7.) Like KM said, take your budget and double it or triple it. Most people forget about tax, gratuity, extras like permits, add-on's etc.

8.) DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT let your mom or your FIL's start blabbing about the wedding to anyone until you have your guest list down! What happens is people will then anticipate an invitation that they ultimately are not getting. It causes SO MANY problems.

9.) Wait to pick your BP when you are about 6 months out - not a year or more out.

1) Learn to do the 'i'm not really listening to you but i'm pretending' nod for ideas you know you don't like/not you but you don't know how to let them down nicely.

2) Deflect - when the 'nodding' isn't working. Why aren't you doing blah blah - Oh look, cake!

Let others give you advice and show your appreciation of it (even if they're crazy). You can always choose not to TAKE their advice. Other than that I like MarriedOldHag's advice list.

Read The Big Wedding Book by Mindy Weiss.

I have learned that weddings bring out the best, and worst in people. Relationships with friends and family are tricky enough without a huge life event proceeded by months of stressful planning, on the forefront of everyones minds. Just roll with the punches. Opinions will conflict, people will butt heads, drama will occur. Just keep the drama at a distance and know that you and fh are trying the best that you know how! Good luck!!!