Xandria
VIP December 2018

Lesbian Brides?

Xandria, on February 6, 2018 at 9:56 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 25
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Shouting in to the void!

Any other same-sex planners out there? I love to plan so my wife to be is sitting back and letting me take the reins.

What sort of problems have you run in to? We found our dream venue and they turned out to be super anti gay. And now I’m really nervous about talking to other vendors.

25 Comments

Latest activity by Alyssa, on October 29, 2018 at 9:46 PM
  • Kaitlin
    Dedicated September 2019
    Kaitlin ·
    • Flag
    Hey same sex brides here. I am also the primary planner in my relationship. My FW isn’t a planner so I knew I’d be doing the leg work and then just giving her the final options to discuss with me.

    We haven’t ran into a lot of problems. Being from the Midwest I was ready for a lot of anti LGBT attitudes but everyone we’ve talked to has been really chill. Im sorry about your venue issues tho. I tried to make sure in my initial contact to subtly mention that we were a gay couple so vendors who might not be comfortable could either not respond or could just tell me up front.
    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted February 2018
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    Not a same sex couple but hearing this upsets me. I’m sorry you had to get that reaction from your dream venue. Regardless, ALL people deserve respect. Just curious, what area are you from? The only suggestion I can offer is to look into any other vendors you are considering and see if there is any super judgemental horrible people there that you can avoid before the very first phone call. I’m super into research myself and look at all aspects before picking up the phone. I even had another bride reach out to tell me about a horrible local homophobic DJ. He was too expensive anyway but that just made the decision easier.
    • Reply
  • Kaylyn
    Super May 2019
    Kaylyn ·
    • Flag
    I’m kinda in the same boat as you right now. I’ve been doing most of the planning, FW is super helpful and gives her opinion but let’s me make final decisions. I’ve already heard from one person why do you feel the need to get “married”. Which was very rude but not a surprise. We’re getting married in Texas so I’ve been a little weary of contacting vendors, but my FW downloaded the app The Knot, and the cool thing is it tells you what kind of ceremony vendors and venues “accept” (not all are listed but most are). I’m sorry about your venue, I’m sure you’ll find a great one!

    Lesbian Brides? 1
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  • Cassie
    Super April 2018
    Cassie ·
    • Flag

    Two brides here! that completely sucks about your venue! disgusting behavior on their part. i'm assuming you are maybe in the midwest or south? we live in california so we haven't had any negative experiences thankfully (and if we did, oooooh boy, i would be letting EVERYONE know about it!). i'm definitely the planner so i've been planning the wedding thus far and obviously, with every decision, i check in with my FW and make sure its all good.

    with vendors, i usually always mention "she" or say something to imply we are two women right off the bat. i don't usually say, oh we are a queer/lesbian couple, because i don't want it to seem like i am asking their permission or something like that, but I will be like, oh my fiancee, HER name is ... etc. Or if the vendor assumes and says he, I will be like, oh, it's she very casually. I only had one vendor do that and as soon as I said she, the vendor apologized profusely. Which is fine, I mean, you definitely shouldn't assume you are talking to a straight couple in terms of marriage but I wasn't offended. I simply said, oh, it's she, the vendor apologized and we moved on to the discussion regarding services.

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  • Xandria
    VIP December 2018
    Xandria ·
    • Flag
    We’re actually in the PNW! Which was one of the reasons why it was so surprising!

    Luckily we didn’t have much interaction with that venue. And everyone else has been delightful! We think we’ve picked our actual venue, which is the sweet little historical chapel run by this group of church ladies who are all really lovely! And they’re website specifically says ‘same sex weddings done here’ or something like that.

    I defi drop she and her a lot. And I’m very found of ‘wife to be’.

    I need to go look in to the knot app more! I so far mostly been using the ww one because the budget feature is so easy to edit and personalize.
    • Reply
  • Lynnie
    WeddingWire Administrator October 2016
    Lynnie ·
    • Flag

    Congrats and welcome Xandria!!

    I'm so sorry to hear about your experience with that venue. FYI - WeddingWire also has a non-discrimination policy so make sure to check that out, and definitely check out our sister site GayWeddings.com for vendors and inspiration! Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Miriam
    Savvy October 2018
    Miriam ·
    • Flag
    Not a same sex couple here and i hate to read this it upsets me,how can some people do this?my friend was getting married in a castle in porttownsend wa,when the venue found out they were the same sex,they canceled her event,so upsetting.
    • Reply
  • J
    Beginner September 2019
    josh ·
    • Flag

    Hi Xandria,

    Thats ridiculous! there aren't that many on there at the moment but if you head over to All Gay Weddings they are only listed here because they are same sex friendly.

    • Reply
  • J
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Julie ·
    • Flag
    Same sex couple here in Ohio. We've had the same response a couple times, though not from venues we found here. Smiley smile I'm definitely the planner as well, my FW is definitely the "just tell me when, and where, and I'll be there" type. I'm sorry that that's happened to you, too. If ever you need an ear, hit me up! Maybe we can share ideas. Smiley smile Best of luck to you and the (future) Mrs.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    Two brides here! I'm definitely the planner in the relationship and rightfully so. If it was up to FW our wedding colors would be camo and UK blue. She's been great about discussing vendors with me and going to look at venues, but she's definitely not going to proactively look into things on her own.

    We haven't had any problems with vendors so far, but we're being very cautious especially since we're in Kentucky and not everyone is super kind to the LGBTQ community here. The first venue we looked at was great and didn't seem to have any problems with the fact that we were gay, it wasn't a point of discussion. The second venue (and the one we went with) is further south in Kentucky and we were much more worried about it. The guy who gave us the tour was, (and this is me being really stereotypical) assumingly gay. The other women I spoke with didn't mention anything, but their contract called for a bride and a groom. I just put my FW down as groom and went on about my day. Judging by all of the pictures that I've seen on their website and social media, we will be the first same sex wedding at this venue, so we'll see how it goes. Fingers crossed!

    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    What part of Ohio are you in? We're about 10 minutes from Cincinnati and looked at venues there as well!
    • Reply
  • J
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Julie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    We're in Canton.
    • Reply
  • R
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    Recently engaged wlw couple here!! We are just getting started with planning, but this is one of our big worries when it comes to planning a wedding. Smiley sad We’re thinking of renting a big cabin or house so we can have a private place to ourselves and hopefully less intereference, but who knows... it’s awful that people are still so homophobic in 2017
    • Reply
  • L
    Beginner September 2018
    Lakesha ·
    • Flag
    Hey!!! Getting married this year too
    • Reply
  • Maria
    Beginner August 2019
    Maria ·
    • Flag
    What state are you in?
    • Reply
  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry your venue is like that Smiley sad You'd think in 2018 people would be more open. Not a same sex here but we also deal with people being shitty with us because we are a mixed couple. Super frustrating.

    • Reply
  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
    • Flag
    Firstly I’m so excited to see more two bride couples!! I was Feeling super lonely in these forums! I am The main planner of our pair and I always lead with the fact that we are lesbian. I will Not waste any moment of my time with a place that doesn’t give me a good vibe.
    • Reply
  • C
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Charity ·
    • Flag
    Two Brides here also.
    Just recently got engaged on April 20th. So we just kinda started the planning process.
    We are both in our 40's so we are older brides . We have been asked why would we want to spend money on a wedding...why not just elope at our age?!?

    • Reply
  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It doesn’t matter what age you are. If you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with than you can celebrate that love however you want.
    • Reply
  • M
    Beginner September 2018
    miriah ·
    • Flag

    Oh no!!! im so nervous about planning our wedding for this reason


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