Legally Married

Honestly, I would consider attendance at a "wedding" a year after the couple was married a much lower priority than if it were their actual wedding. At the same time, it seems to me that you need to focus on your lives together, not a big wedding pageant. Why not just have a small wedding now with immediate family only, invite everyone to dinner, and skip the ceremony a year from now?

View Quoted Comment Because even our immediate family is over 100 people... And we still want one for us to go all out as we are only getting married once.

View Quoted Comment Immediate family is only parents and siblings (sometimes grandparents if you want to include them).

If you get married now to live together and plan to renew your vows at some point, you just have to be prepared that a lot of people would not prioritize attending a vow renewal.

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No, your immediate family is not over 100 people. Immediate family is parents, siblings, and sibling's spouses. And I'm pretty sure you and your FI are not each from a family with 25 children, each of whom is already married.

And yes, I understand wanting to go all out. But you have to think of the practicalities. If he is not working and you can't get the bills paid, a lavish wedding is not practical.

If you want to get married now and have a big party for your first anniversary, fine. It may be more important to get your immediate financial issues dealt with than to have people treat that party as seriously as they would a wedding. But you have to recognize that there are trade-offs.

We went to a wedding this year where they eloped just the two of them a couple years ago because one of them was military and this was the vow renewal. I was fine because they were up front with everyone. They had been legally married for a while but wanted the party to celebrate with everyone.

Are YOU TWO ok with living together before marriage? If you're hangup on that is simply because other people won't approve, but you'd otherwise be fine with it, I think your priorities are very mixed up. If it's something the two of you firmly believe in, then that's wonderful - but don't not live together just bc your family would be mad about it.

There's also nothing wrong with getting married now and having a vow renewal. Just don't lie to anyone or keep the marriage a secret.

We are getting married in Vegas in January and not having our “wedding” until September. I say if you want to get married and live together, do it. You can still celebrate your marriage as planned at a later date.

Could you elope now & have a reception later? Regardless if the couple was married prior or not, we would still attend. We make every effort to attend birthday parties, house warming parties, baby showers, bridal showers, engagement parties, vow renewals, etc. so it would be the same.

We are also from a religious background and I have thoughts on this. Probably not what you want to hear but please take it from a position of loving advice.

Relationships (and marriages) that progress not because of a natural cadence but because of external factors typically are less likely to last. Getting married just to move in together and moving in together just because of finances is a horrible idea. Just as unwise as getting married because you’re pregnant. Take a step back. It’s a commitment and a ministry that deserves to have its process honored.
You know you can live together without sleeping together. There’s a lot of creative options here. But, please, you say you’re young and in college. Don’t make a lifelong commitment out of something as temporary as money.

You do what's right for you and your FH and don't let anyone else's judgements influence you. Everyones circumstances are different. Yes I would absolutely be there to support a couple that I love whether or not that had already had a small legal ceremony. I'm sure your family would be happy to celebrate your marriage whenever, however you choose.

I have a cousin who married before his actual wedding for this reason. Him and his wife did not want to live in sin before marriage but had to move for their jobs, so they married before their wedding. It seemed a bit odd to me, not because they were married but because to me marrying in the courthouse is not marrying in the eyes of God, and so to marry in the church later just didn't logically make sense with their reasoning. But whatever, it was what they wanted and really didn't concern or effect me. It made them happy, so I was happy for them. You need to do what you're comfortable with and follow what your beliefs are.

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This is probably the best advice I have seen on WeddingWire. This is it.