Dee
Just Said Yes September 2021

Left out

Dee, on September 6, 2021 at 9:49 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7
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My hubby to be is the best man in his friends destination wedding. I am very close with both the bride and the groom in November. They are going to be in our wedding party at the end of the month. Except, she chose not to include me as a bridesmaid and I’m hurt but understand that she doesn’t HAVE to have me as a bridesmaid. I totally understand the difficulty of choosing the wedding party.


However, this happened to me at another one of my bridesmaids weddings (hubs to be was a groomsman), but that friend went out of her way to include me in the bachelorette and her shower. She and I talked about the difficulty of choosing bridesmaids but we could still make it an inclusive experience.
The bride in this wedding on the other hand excluded me from everything and to top it all off they are doing a kings table. All my other friends are in the party as well and those that aren’t are coupled up so I’ll likely be the fifth wheel. Mind you I understand that this is not my wedding, but it still feels kind of icky. At the end of the day I know it’s just one day, but the obvious exclusivity is getting to me.
Any advice on how to handle this?

7 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on September 7, 2021 at 10:23 AM
  • B
    Dedicated June 2023
    bevbabe ·
    • Flag

    My advise it to let it go and just enjoy yourself at the wedding. I understand it's hurtful to not be included, but you yourself said that you understood how hard it is choosing bridesmaids. What your other friend did was nice, but she didn't have to do that.

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  • Candace
    Devoted March 2022
    Candace ·
    • Flag
    Bachelorette parties and showers are not just for bridesmaids, right? Did she not have any other guests besides bridesmaids? I would definitely feel hurt if she didn't invite me to those. I think it is also a jerk move that she's splitting you up from your husband at her reception. But you know what? Now you know. When people show you how they feel about you with their actions, believe them. You just keep being yourself. Honor her as a bridesmaid at your own wedding as planned and be a polite guest at hers.
    • Reply
  • Emilia
    Expert June 2019
    Emilia ·
    • Flag

    Hello ! I can understant that you're hurt... but really, just enjoy and do not overthink !

    Just to give you another example : on of my bridesmaids... did NOT event invite me at the wedding !!! Nor another close friend who was also my bridesmaid ! She was pretending that because of covid she will only have her family, but then she had a bridal shower... I was invited to that, brought a gift, and I learned that there are actually some friends that are "honored" to be at the wedding anyway...

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I also agree with this.
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master September 2019
    Jacks ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    That was really rude of them to invite you to the shower but not the wedding. Wow. I'm sorry that happened to you. : /

    • Reply
  • P
    Dedicated April 2023
    Peyton ·
    • Flag

    I would be really hurt. This bride doesn’t view your friendship as important enough to have you included AT ALL except to be a guest….Is this correct? She is splitting you up from your fiance at the King’s table….correct? I find that egregious. Not being a bridesmaid is one thing, but this seems like she is completely oblivious or downright mean. I would not want this person in my wedding. In fact, I would likely not attend her destination wedding. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Devoted May 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    Hopefully your FH told them that he will be sitting with you at the reception even if that means he doesn't sit at the "king's table".

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