Leaving Reception Early

We rarely leave until the last half hour or later, even when we usually cannot stay over and have a 2-4 hour drive. But each of the last couple of years we have left one or two receptions at the halfway point. The same deal every time. People who fell in love with or had visions or whatever, the only perfect place for a ceremony, and the reception place, 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 hour away. And the couple plan pics, and take well over an hour , even 1 1/2 hours taking pictures. And so do not arrive at their reception until 2.5 to 3 hours after the end of the ceremony. Guests have had a dive, and a break and start cocktails. And an hour into cocktails they arrive outside, but do not appear for 30 minutes, grooming, taking a post pictures break. So a full 4 or more hours after a long drive to the ceremony, arriving 20-30 minutes til the start, plus at least a half hour ceremony. Then no sign of the hosts until the reception starts ,3 hours later. Not at scheduled time, late an hour or so due to photos running over and we needing a break. 2.5 to 3 hours later, it has been 7 hours plus since entering the ceremony. And one of us says, 2 dances and we are out of here. 7 hours party because if too long break, 2-3 hour drive before and after, the extra 3 hours would have been miserable. Not to mention that the poor souls who have had our five kids 11-13 hours in addition to their own, do not need another 3 when we are no longer having any fun. Pics used to be a 20-30 minutes max session after a ceremony, so guests would not be long without hosts. Cocktail time usually only 30-45 minutes, with couple / hosts there for much if it. And couples planning weddings were not so insistent on the perfect ceremony place, perfect visions for reception, that even though they planned 18 months ahead, they made people drive an hour and a half between them. Compromising perfection for places 15_39 min max, used to be standard. Sux to seven hours is our limit start if ceremony to time to leave. If the couple puts 3-3.5 hours of travel, and ling cocktails with them absent in the middle, they should expect people to stand up and go 7 hours or so after the ceremony, even if it is right after dinner. We never leave early, 5-10 or more weddings a year where good planning minimizes drive and picture times in the middle. But too many people looking at the BP schedule, forget what is reasonable for guests. 10 hours start to finish is too long.

I’ve seen it a lot and I’ve been one of those guests. For me I don’t get weekends off so if I take off the day of the wedding I have to work the next day. I generally have to be to work between 3 am and 6 am, so I stay no later than 8:30-9 and then leave. I try to leave after the cake cutting. I think people have different reasons for leaving early. My friend recently got married and everyone from her church left after dinner. Apparently in their culture they don’t typically celebrate with dancing after dinner so they didn’t know to stay. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would also advise, please assign tables. It can be awkward to have to find a seat and end up with people you do not know. Please do not put people with children with people who do not have kids. Yes, assigning tables is stressful, but NOT assigning tables can mean people are uncomfortable.

View Quoted Comment We are cutting our cake earlier cause of this. I don’t want people who are eldtamd not feeling well to have to stay four hours at my wedding.

View Quoted Comment Maybe she was not trying 3-10 is 7 hours that’s a long time. I would not be upset in fact we are doing everything early so if guest need to go they can.

I’ve not experienced this at weddings. But I do think a 7 hour long wedding is pretty long. The ones I’ve gone to are usually 4-5 hours long.

That happened to a friend of mine at her wedding. She purposely made it during the summer on a weekend afternoon in her hometown despite living across the country; just so 100+ of her family members didn't need to travel or worry about kids in school. The bridal party and the groom's family all needed to travel from various states. She didn't even invite friends outside of the bridal party as to not put more people out.

Guess who wanted to leave right the ceremony? Yup, her family. We had to push up photos, cocktail hour, dinner, and cake cutting just appease her country bumpkin family. (No offense to country bumpkins but these people were down right rude).

I sat there dumbfounded as people were leaving the reception. It was 4pm on a Saturday in June, where else did ALL of these people need to be in such a rush?!?

I think there are lots of reasons for this: 1) guests who have a long drive and can't drink; 2) guests who have young kids with sitters at home; 3) weddings that are running late; 4) weddings that aren't very fun for guests (sadly). Weddings are always most important to the bride and groom. The more close friends/family, typically they are the ones who stay. If you invite a bunch of fringe friends and family, they don't really feel obligated to stay.

This has always been the norm for the weddings I've attended. Half of people clear out after dinner or the Hava Nagila (Jewish chair dance) and the dance floor is usually empty all night. I was talking to my Persian friend about how a dance floor and a DJ isn't really practical at the wedding I'm planning since noone ever dances. She said it must be cultural because Persian weddings have so much dancing.

View Quoted Comment

This is SO strange to me. I've been to a zillion Jewish weddings and ALL of them were huge blow-outs where everyone started dancing as soon as the glass got smashed, sometimes continuing during dinner (in between courses, mostly, but some just straight through), well into the night, after they were supposed to be gone. Every. Single. One. So strange to me.

ETA: Obviously you know your reality; I'm not disputing that, either! It's just that I never expected to hear something like that.

I have no idea how my family will be. I went to a TON of their weddings when I was younger, but my cousins haven't really gotten married or had big weddings. Those who have married up to this point have eloped or gone to the court house.... and now one around my age is getting married a month before me, so it'll be two "big" weddings for the family in 2 months! At least I'll have a heads up by observing my cousin's.

People leave early for different reasons.

i’ve left a wedding early, a few actually.
1) potluck dinner, so i was hungry plus no DJ/dancing, no alcohol. This was a dinner time wedding for a family member that i drove an hr for. I “ate” stayed a little while longer and left.
2) a Sunday afternoon wedding, over an hr away. My husband had to wake up early for work the next day. We ate and left.
3) I got into an argument with my husband and left. I was really upset, to the point of crying. I didn’t want to embarrass myself any further or cause a scene. It was after dinner and cake though.
I had many guests leave after dinner and before cake at my wedding. Many guests had driven an hr or more to get there. It was winter and dark and there was a chance for sleet and snow.
I had 4 (both sets of cousins) leave after the first dance as tables were being dismissed for the buffet. They didn’t even eat. Supposedly they had to go home to let their dog out. This made me mad. Everyone else didn’t bother me.

We’ve only ever left a wedding early twice before:
1) We had on the other side of the state by that night, but didn’t want to miss the ceremony.
2) FH had some bad shrimp at the cocktail hour and it made him sick so we went back to the hotel.

So 🤷🏻‍♀️ you never know what’s going on with that person.

We were being put on the spot all night at a cousins wedding (we both have anxiety) being told names were being called every time someone clinked glasses and if your name was called, you had to stand up and kiss (ours was called like 3rd and my fiance wasnt in the room so every time it happened we were going to be called) while the bride and groom did too. Not only that, his grandma was in the hospital and we were going to visit her the next morning. We also were told get there at 2:30 for pictures but they didn't start until 3:30 (the pictures took less than 5 minutes)...then the ceremony at 5. All outside in Minnesota in late October aka cold. We would have just sat all night and still had almost a 2 hour drive home. BUT because it was family, we attended. I'm an etiquette person through and through but I would rather my family be there up through dinner then leave if they need/want to.

Oh, I didn’t know this happened. I thought it was thing to do to stay until the send off. I hope this doesn’t happen with us! Our wedding is on a Sunday too! 🤞

I do not think leaving a wedding early is bad if you have already congratulated the bride and groom (in-person), signed the guest book, and given them some type of gift. But I do agree you should stay as long as possible. I was at a wedding recently during Covid-19 and I left after the ceremony due to the 2 people I was suppose to go with ditched me last minutes (1 RSVP no and the other RSVP yes) and the only person I knew was the bride. I even told the bride they was a slim chance that I might not be able to make it because the Covid- 19 numbers at my college were going through the roof. I was able to go and I made sure to congratulate the couple and introduce myself to the groom, I sign the guest book and I gave them my gift. This was actually my first wedding I have went to without my parents (I’m a 21 year old college student) so I really didn’t know what to do. My mom said that if I congratulated the couple and made my attendance know that it was ok to leave due to my situation. My dad said I should have stayed for dinner. If I was not able to see the couple before dinner I would have stayed until I could congratulate them. If this wedding was not during a pandemic and the 2 other people I knew who were went I would have stayed longer but still left a little early because of the 1 1/2 hour drive back home. But usually with my family/family friend wedding would depend on the age of the people I was with when we would be usually it would be after cake cutting or the first dance. When I was little we would early-ish because my parents are not big fans of having kids at a wedding and now with my grandparents we leave when they are ready to.