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Just Said Yes July 2020

Leaving Home

Hailey, on January 16, 2020 at 10:29 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8

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Hey guys,

My name is Hailey and I recently got engaged over Christmas and we're getting married in July. My fiance has a house and moved his parents in with him and I live with my grandmother as I always have. But I'll be moving in with them when we get married. And even though I'll only be living about 20 minutes away from my grandmother, I'm extremely heartbrokenly sad about leaving her. She has raised me from the time I was 6 months old and she and I are very close. I'm over at his house a lot with him and his family and he'll still have them when we get married. But I'll be leaving my grandmother who has done so much for me and she has congestive heart failure and is getting older and it is killing me to leave her. I don't want her to be lonely and I'll miss the life that I have here at home.

Don't get me wrong... I'm sure he is the one and that we will be very happy together. I'm excited to be married to him and be his wife. But I'm grieving for the life I have now and I just feel so emotionally overwhelmed. Is this normal? Am I alone in this feeling? Does ANYONE have any advice that can help me navigate this and cope? Thank you.

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Haley, on January 21, 2020 at 12:28 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on January 16, 2020 at 10:32 PM
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Maybe you can make plans to visit often? When I left, my mom was saying she misses me. But I still come back to visit and have dinner with them often to catch up and see them.
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Super February 2020
Andrea · on January 16, 2020 at 11:01 PM
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Is there a scenario where she can move in with you two and his parents?
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Devoted August 2020
Valerie · on January 16, 2020 at 11:18 PM
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Without actually moving her in with you, make time throughout the week to go and see her. Go shopping, help her around the home, cook together, etc
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on January 17, 2020 at 12:02 AM
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Any chance you guys could live with her instead?
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on January 17, 2020 at 12:27 AM
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Maybe once a week or so you & hubby go live with your grandMom? That way she’s got you for a couple days a week at least. Talk to her about your concerns, worries, fears and see what she says.....

Luckily 20min is NOT bad in the grand scheme of things- my mom & son are an 8+ hour each way drive!
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on January 17, 2020 at 5:18 AM
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These are completely normal feelings you’re having. It’s always scary when you move out for he first time, especially if you’re waiting until marriage to move in together. Fortunately you aren’t moving far away. You can always plan to spend one day a week with grandma, like make Sunday your day together.

Also, if she is sickly, you may want to look into some home care for her. There are a lot of options out there. Some are simply for companionship and others provide medical assistance or help with meals and whatnot. If this is something you think she may need, I would start looking now. You also can help her look into different senior groups. This will give her something to do and people to talk to when you’re not around.

Remember, it’s going to be a change for everyone involved. Change isn’t a always bad thing, but it is necessary in life and will happen whether you want it to or not.
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Savvy July 2020
Brittany · on January 17, 2020 at 11:39 AM
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I moved in with my FH shortly after we got engaged. It’s always been my mom, my little sister, & myself together. I live 15 minutes from them and it’s been 8 months and still cry sometimes. Especially when I know they need my help sometimes. Grieving is normal but it does suck. However, your grandma isn’t well and it may be a really good idea to just move her in & let her join the party lol

If not, then I would definitely set up a routine where you see her often. Maybe take her grocery shopping when you go, set up mornings where you do breakfast with her, brunch/lunch dates, or have 2 nights or more a month to stay the night with her, maybe a day once a week where everyone goes to her house for dinner, & if it’s something you know she loves doing ( like gardening or something) make sure you’re there with her to help when the time comes.
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Expert October 2020
Haley · on January 21, 2020 at 12:28 PM
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I was in a similar situation (although FH parents didn't live with us, I moved into his house)....I have coffee with my Grammy every. single. morning. before work. For the last 7 years that I've lived with FH. haha.
We are planning on moving soon (I only live 7 minutes from her right now) and we will be about 20/25 mins away and literally my BIGGEST anxiety is being away from my grammy and not having coffee with her every day. I will either have to wake up at like 530 am and get to her house by 615-630am or facetime her in the morning over coffee after we move. Just depends on where we buy a house.
So if you can make time to either go to lunch there every day, have coffee in the morning with her, or maybe stop by after work for a snack? Maybe you and FH can go cook her a meal or bring her dinner once a week?
Don't feel crazy for being like this! I can't give up my grammy either!
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