Leaving friends out of the bridesmaid list?

If you backtrack on having someone in your bridal party it could be potentially friendship ending. Honestly I'm only having a maid of honor for this reason, don't want to hurt feelings. The only thing I expect from her is to stand by my side and pick out a dress in the color I've chosen.

Well then if she doesn't care go back to your original plan

I would only ask those that you want to spend the day with. I have several friends that are expecting to be bridesmaids, but I won't be including them in the wedding party. It's not that I don't value or cherish their friendship, but we aren't as close as we once were - partly due to COVID, partly due to life. I recommend surrounding yourself with girls that will be there for you 100% that day - not because they think it's cool to be a bridesmaid or they feel obligated to - but because they genuinely love you and are excited for the next chapter in your life. You can always include them in some other way on the special day, but they don't have to spend the day getting ready and standing by your side.

If you want to back out of your question, I would tell them something like "after thinking about it further, we have decided to narrow our wedding party list. We've decided to limit the wedding party to our family (with the exception of your FH's friend) so that we have a more intimate group at the alter. " or something to that effect.

Yikes! I can totally understand why you did what you did (you thought they would be excited!! and it would add to the fun!) but holy moly, Iiiiiiiiii don't know what to think about the first friend. She hinted at being a bridesmaid and then basically replied to your invitation with "meh"......!!!!!!! Wow, that does not sound like a very good friend to me (unless she's not really into weddings.....but then why was she asking about wedding details?). Hmm.

I think you should kindly and carefully explain (as devotedlydavis mentioned) that you've decided to stick with a family-only BP, but would love to have a dedicated photo with the 2 or 3 extra friends on the wedding day between the ceremony and reception (so you can just include that photo in your "requested photo" list you give to the photographer).

I don't think you can tactfully retract bridesmaids invitations that you have already extended. You definitely should have stuck with the smaller group to begin with (when it comes to your wedding don't yield to someone pressuring you to do something you don't want to do)! Some people really get excited about weddings but don't want to be "in" them. Also guests also may ask about the bridesmaids dresses so they can avoid showing up in something too similar - it doesn't mean they want to be a bridesmaid, just they want to avoid unintentionally looking like one since that is considered to be really bad taste!

I would likely just give the extended group of bridesmaids a way out of the situation, and hope they decline and you end up with the smaller group you originally asked. If people haven't given you an answer yet, you could casually mention that your husband has a smaller group in his wedding party and mention hesitations about having an uneven party (how will the procession go, how will photos look, etc), suggest that you are a bit overwhelmed trying to coordinate so many people, etc. Basically you can make it look like if they are on the fence it wouldn't be hurtful to you if they just declined and attended as a guest instead. You can also give them a deadline to decide so you know, one way or the other. Plenty of people have uneven wedding parties so it's all very doable, but with a smaller wedding I think three people in each of your parties is perfect.