Lazy Weddin Planner, or Unrealistic Expectations?

Continued:

My Contributions:

1. Did all the work calling vendors and getting prices and availability (as well as finding other vendors off the tiny list when those didn't meet my needs)

2. Researching/pricing where to find certain supplies (like ribbon for DIY bows, vases for the florist to lower the price, etc)

3. Finding/calling/pricing secondary vendors she didn't include like linen rentals, invitations/stationary suppliers/printers, tux rentals, etc

4. Finding/pricing secondary suppliers for things the vendors don't have in the proper colors, 5. Measuring chairs and tables for linens and meeting with the venue to coordinate all that

Like, she hasn't taken an ACTIVE role in the wedding planning. I understand I have to do things like decide on what I want for catering, whether or not I want my Bridesmaids/Groomsmen to walk separate, if I want satin or organza bows, etc, but I wasn't expecting to have to do all the leg work.

Additionally, I feel like if I were to text her or ask to meet with her she'd be happy to, but don't feel like she's been an ACTIVE support. I was expecting relatively weekly texts from, "Hey, I called so-and-so vendor, they're available for your date, here's their quote," to "Hey, have you decided on the order of service yet? You should let your preacher know by next week" and "What's the relative number of guests your expecting? I need to know to figure out how many tables you'll need" or "I found a couple of places that will print those custom invitations you designed, here's quotes for them, you should have them off to the printer by [this date]" or "Have you double checked to see if the groomsmen have gotten their suits sized? You should let them know they only have two weeks left." or "Hey, weekly checkup! What have you decided on this week, any updates, any questions?" I'VE been keeping up with my timeline, I'VE been keeping up with my numbers and budget, I'VE been keeping in contact with my vendors.

Ive already contacted her asking to renegotiate our contract since a lot of her ultimate package services (like shower planning [we didn't have one], website assistance [used the knot.com templates, travel assistance [can't afford a honeymoon]) have gone to waste. It's taken every effort for me not to say something upsetting to the effect of "I feel like I've done all the work here and you haven't done a thing". I KNOW I'll need her day before, DAY OF, and day after, but I'm just worried at this point because I haven't seen her do anything. All the vendors spoke highly of her, I just haven't seen it yet.

Be dead honest, (I'm being sincere, not asking a loaded question) was I expecting too much to have an active wedding planner who contacts me and does all the running (not the other way around), or are wedding planners supposed to be more passive and only do anything if you ask them to?

Did the contract list out specific responsibilities this wedding planner would do? If so, I think it's a fairly easy conversation to point out where you have done the work and she hasn't. If the contract is more general, then it will require a conversation more in the line of level setting of expectations. You obviously expected "x" and she is currently doing "y". The contract will dictate the conversation.

Here's a list:

Full event planning and Support

Idea conceptualization consultations

Venue search and selection

Vendor sourcing & appointment support

Timeline assistance

Budget management

Photography/videography checklist

Website creation & support

Registry assistance

Shower planning & support

RSVP tracking & guest management

Travel assistance planning

Day before, day of, & day after event support

It's not any more detailed in her contract,

Curious as to how much did you pay your wedding planner..

Nope, it really doesnt sound like you got any kind of "ultimate" package!

Compare what she's actually done to the contract detailing what she should have done. Its hard to say without knowing her contracted duties, but it does sound like you've done a hell of a lot of work.

I think it is totally fair to have a discussion with her about your concerns. You absolutely should.

This comment is not a stab at you.. its just reaffirmation for me that THIS... This is the reason why I like to do shit myself.

It sounds like all she did was send e-mail lists that were already prepared. It doesnt sound like she has been actively working for you and your wedding much at all. And your wedding is coming up pretty soon. Does she work for a company or just for herself? You need to set up a meeting to voice your concerns and fast. You need to review the contract VERY carefully before you do.

I am curious about something though.. Why did you book the "Ultimate" package that included shower services, website, etc even though you knew you wouldnt need those services? That seems like something thats not exactly her fault.

I seriously doubt she will renegotiate the contract after the fact. You should have had her customize her package before you paid for it (I won't allow couples to decrease the package after they go to contract, but they can increase or add services).

As for the rest, I would have to see what she included in her "ultimate package" to tell you if you are justified in being upset or not.

What Audrey said above. From what you said, seems more like she's acting like a DOC than a planner. You need to have a conversation with her about your expectations. And good call on trying to renegotiate the contract, hope it works out for you.

Just saw your next comment - according to the letter of the contract, she has fulfilled it (just really, really poorly). She gave you vendors, you just didn't like them/want to use them. Some of the other items that you are upset about (sourcing ribbon, vases, etc) don't seem to fall into any of the categories that she said she would do. She gave very general descriptions for things and I think it may be a lack of communication of expectations. You thought she would do one thing and she thinks she should be doing another.

On the one hand it definitely doesn't seem like you're receiving full planning services, but on the other hand the contract seems incredibly vague. "Full event planning and support" could mean anything without bullet points underneath it defining what those services actually are.

Can you take the reins a little bit? I'd set up a meeting with her and make a list of everything of everything that you need help with before the wedding. Also set the communication expectations - it's as simple as saying "I'd love to do a weekly email check-in with you"

Not to discourage you - but I also agree that the chances of re-negotiating the contract now are slim. I'd focus on how you can get your money's worth in these last 6 weeks

The contract items seem pretty general to me. I would recommend having the expectations conversation. Find out specifically what she intended (or intends) to do in each of these areas. You can then list out specifically what you have done. If you haven't already, I would save and document everything. If you try to renegotiate the contract, you need to have proof of what you've done compared to the wedding planner.

I don't understand why you called vendors and set things up that you thought she would take care of. When she told you, "Don't forget to do this.", "Here's some numbers to call", etc- THAT would have been an excellent time to bring up your concerns and tell her, "Hey, wait a minute, that's what I thought I hired you for!"

But you just didn't say anything and did all the work you thought she was supposed to do? Why? I am so confused.

It doesn't sound like you had a meeting of the minds at all here, and the contract as you described it is all loosey goosey- I honestly think the time to have a discussion with her was months ago, but you had best make certain that you connect with her and lay out what you are expecting IN DETAIL the day of and after before your wedding.

Next time you hire someone to do a job, please please please confront them as soon as you feel they are slacking, instead of after just doing everything yourself. It will make things so much easier for you. You could have backed out of this in the beginning if you'd simply spoken up and pointed out the ways you believed she was breaching the agreement.

Yep, the duties you outlined are too vague. if you are paying someone big bucks to plan, you need to know EXACTLY what they are going to do. It does sound like she fulfilled some of those duties, but not very well. You definitely need to set up a meeting.

To answer Kristy's questions, we paid her $750. We're in a small town, but she has 10 years of experience an had glowing recommendations. As far as the underutilised services, we booked her nearly a year in advance so I wasn't thinking about a wedding website, and never thought I would be too busy planning the wedding to plan a wedding shower.

To answer Sara's questions, again, we booked her a year early when there wasn't exactly a whole lot to do for a wedding planner. I kept thinking when it got closer she'd contact me about the different things you're supposed to do on the timelines, but I found myself met with late deadlines and having to scramble to find [this] or book [that] before it was too late. Admittedly I should have contacted her after the first deadline passed when she hadn't done anything, but I suppose I just hate confrontation.

Have the conversation with her and let her know how you feel. Maybe she will get busy and do more if you let her know you expected her to do it all along.

I feel like that's a lot of money to be paying someone for minimal "assistance". You need to have a chat with her about your expectations and clear the air before the wedding.

In my opinion, that's not a lot of money for all the items in the contract. I would have been skeptical if she promised "full event planning and support." But then again, I live in an expensive area, not a small town.

From what I've read, it seems that most of the value from a planner comes from the day before/of/after, so perhaps the great reviews she's gotten comes from that.

Despite how little she has done to help you, l think it's a fair price.

$750 for full wedding planning is impossible. Based on that figure I think you've got no complaints-it sounds very reasonable for just DOC services to me.

Based on what you stated the contract says, I would have to agree that she has met the criteria at this point. I think she will be more helpful with the vendors on the day before/of/after. Sorry she hasn't turned out to be what you thought you were paying for.

For $750, if you consider a pro making $30/hour (just to make the math easy, most pros make $40-50/hour), that's 25 hours. On the wedding day, the planner will be spending at least 12 or 13 hours. Prior to the wedding, just the very basics that you are being provided, emails, and the week of confirming with the vendors is the other 12 hours. Easily.

So - sounds like you are getting what you paid for. A DOC is usually $750-$1000. For the price of $750, you are not going to get any depth or hand-holding. That's more like $2000.

Best wishes.

I fired my wedding planner for this reason. She was non responsive and I was doing most of the ground work that I was paying her for. So for that reason I don't think you are getting what you paid for. She should be the one taking care of that stuff. That's why you hired her. Definitely discuss it with her and let her know that you will not be paying for the ultimate because she has not fulfilled those duties b

Sounds like you may need to have a sit down conversation with her but sounds like you are doing everything she should be doing as your wedding planner.