Lazy bridesmaids?

Unfortunately you can't expect everybody to be as excited about things as you are and you don't get to decide how they choose to spend their money or vacation time. Sorry you're feeling put out by your girls

Unfortunately, bridesmaids aren't normally as excited about your wedding as you are. The only thing a bridesmaid is actually expected to do is wear the dress and show up for the wedding. Everything else is just extra. Your fiance is the one that should be touring venues with you and going to vendor meetings as it is his wedding too. As for dress shopping, ask your mom if she wants to go. If she doesn't then go by yourself.

You have to remember these girls are your friends not your personal wedding servants. I have 6 bridesmaids and 3 came dress shopping with me. I am not upset at the other 3...they have lives too.

I think it may be helpful to reframe your expectations of your bridesmaids. It is not their responsibility to go to your venue. The only people who saw our venue before the wedding day was myself, my husband, and our parents (they wanted to go on venue tours with us). Your wedding is still quite a bit away. Depending on where they are getting their dresses, they technically still have plenty of time. Mine were from David's Bridal and most of the girls bought them in March/April for my July wedding. It's also quite early to be making shower plans, etc. The shower usually happens within 3 months of the wedding. You also cannot dictate how people spend their money and time, especially when wanting these elaborate bach parties. It's great that your fiance's friends booked that trip. However, I don't know how much of the norm these types of week long things really are. This whole multi-day party thing has only been a thing in recent years, and I would not expect my friends to take days out of their lives to help me celebrate my wedding. Yes, the wedding is important. However, it is not the sun. It is a celebration of marriage.

View Quoted Comment I agree with others, and especially with the details of Hannah's response. Your expectations seem VERY far from those of your friends. Parties are things others OFFER to host, and if they do, they offer on their own terms. No bridesmaids are expected or required to host anything -- if they offer, that's an awesome bonus. Daughter's five BMs were spread all over the country, in their mid-20's, just starting their careers/just married and/or had very young children. The fact that they were willing to travel for the wedding was more than enough for her and she was thrilled they could do that. As MOB, I offered to host/pay for the shower, knowing it wasn't at all practical for the BMs to do it. Daughter's bachelorette was a simple, local girls' night while one of the BMs was in town for Christmas with her parents. No one shopped for the bride's or the BMs' dresses together. Daughter and I shopped for her dress, and she just sent the BMs the link for Azazie for theirs. The day of the wedding, she was thrilled to have those women at her side, and she is still close friends with each of them. Unfortunately, the media have created an incredibly distorted picture of what a BM is supposed to do. Hopefully, recognizing that will help you put things in a new perspective so you can be happy with your experience, even if it is different than you originally anticipated. Good luck!

I agree with everyone else. It is cool that your FH’s friends are doing that for him but I’ve never known anyone to do something so elaborate. When I was married in my early 20’s, I had one night on the town with friends- and I know even that was a struggle for some based on young family finances and childcare struggles. I’m getting remarried now in my mid/late 30’s and because my friends are more established we were able to get away for 2 nights to go wine tasting about an hour from home...and I paid for a few things just out of respect for all they were doing.
These girls promised to witness an important day and support you if marriage gets tough and you need someone to talk to. That doesn’t give you the right to dictate that they not go on vacation with their own significant other in order to pay for an elaborate party for you. You have no way of knowing their personal finances but you should know that nobody enjoys buying wood chippers- that’s the kind of stuff you don’t really dream about when house shopping. I think approaching situations like that with a little compassion will both help you grow your friendships and prepare you for the more mundane parts of married life.

Well that's unfortunate to hear. Sometimes wedding and events surrounding them don't excite certain people. It's definitely sad, and puts a damper on your happiness, but like others have said, you can't expect other people to be as excited about your wedding. It doesn't mean they don't care about you and aren't happy for your. It's just YOUR day and the details don't concern them as much. They'll show up and be there for you on the day and that's what matters. Maybe you can invite some other girls you're friends with to a bachelorette party and still do something fun to celebrate?

Girl been there. Some people don't know how to act, even your best friends. I didn't want my bridesmaids to see my dress or venue ahead of time, so we are different there. I picked my own bachelorette to Vegas which was always optional. That didn't go without one of them complaining about money every step of the way but she just had to go to spain the same year of my wedding. Obviously you can't tell your friends not to take their own personal vacations but it becomes frustrating when they then blame you or complain about your wedding events that they knew about all along and committed to by saying yes. It's a crappy scenario. Maybe a destination bachelorette isn't the way to go. Maybe you can tell them you would like a spa day and see if any of them (doesn't have to be all) are on board with it. I don't think your expectation to HAVE bachelorette party is high but maybe the type is too high. I didn't have my bridesmaids check in too much on what I needed because I am very hands on. My mom and sister offered help and that's all I needed. Just take a deep breath. A spa and a nice dinner is perfectly fine! Like I said you can suggest that's what you'd like to do and see who all wants to join.

I agree with PPs here. It is not their job to throw parties for you and it is their business how they spend their money. If your mom wanted to throw you a shower, great, but that is not something you host and no one else's responsibility to do it. As someone else said, their duties include being there for the wedding in the outfit you choose, that's it. That you call them lazy seems incredibly misplaced. It may be time to take a look at your behavior and make sure you are being kind to those you have chosen to stand by you.

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Very well said, Ivy ORP. They're not supposed to do anything other than buy the correct attire and show up on the wedding day. Anything else is simply a bonus!

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This this this.

How they spend their money is not your business. They are not required to throw you a shower or bachelorette and it was rude of you to ask them to. There is no reason they need to have dresses ordered yet and they are in no way expected to attend your dress or venue shopping.

Just for reference, I hate hate hate dress shopping with my friends. I LOVE them dearly and am excited, but it's the most awkward things ever. Same with the venue - why would you even want their opinions!?

Not surprised you had one BM dropping out if this is how you're treating them.

Sorry to hear. It sucks but it's super common for them not to be as interested or enthused as you'd hope