L
Beginner July 2021

Late rsvp

Lindsay, on September 15, 2021 at 12:49 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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One of FH's friends RSVPd no to our wedding (already past the RSVP deadline). They just asked now (less than two weeks out) if they can now come since their plans changed. We already gave final headcount and all plates/chairs/seating chart/etc. are ordered for exact numbers. Is it rude to tell them no? FH really wants them there but it's stressing me out

16 Comments

Latest activity by Christina, on September 15, 2021 at 9:35 PM
  • Janet
    Dedicated October 2018
    Janet ·
    • Flag

    "While we would love to have you there, we cannot accommodate extra guests this close to the wedding. Our final numbers have already been confirmed" or something along those lines. It's unfortunate that their plans fell through, and I commend them for asking rather than just showing up. It's ok to say no

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  • B
    Dedicated June 2023
    bevbabe ·
    • Flag

    No it's not rude. They RSVP'd no and it's past the deadline. If you and your FH don't want to try and make it work then you don't have to. Make DH make the calls if he really wants them there.

    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I don't think it's rude to say no, since it's after the deadline and you already gave final counts. It's totally up to you though - since your fiance is the one who really wants them to attend, he could ask your vendors if they can accommodate adding them after the final count. That way, it takes some of the stress and work off of you.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag

    It's not rude at all!

    • Reply
  • S
    Expert September 2022
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    I agree that it is not rude! If his friend is understanding you could maybe suggest them coming for some dancing and drinks! Just explain that you already gave final head count to the vendors so you can accommodate any meals for them.

    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master September 2019
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    Etiquette-wise, it's not rude. However your FI wants them there? I feel like that should be noted. Why is it stressing you out? Is it because of seating plan or something?

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Devoted May 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    I would just tell them that the dinner count is in but they are welcome to come for drinks afterward

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  • L
    Beginner July 2021
    Lindsay ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Definitely noted, it would require a lot of extra planning at crunch time though. Our seating floorpan was already approved with the venue, seating chart made, chairs ordered in exact numbers for how many guests RSVPd (we won't have a chair for them at the ceremony without contacting the rental company and redoing the layout with the venue), plates/etc. ordered, and final catering headcount was given by our caterer's deadline which was weeks ago. The venue contract also states they aren't obligated to accommodate headcount changes after headcount date so it feels like a lot to ask them

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  • Jacks
    Master September 2019
    Jacks ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Fair enough. I get why that would be stressful.

    Maybe a compromise would be if FI wants them there, he would need to rearrange all of that?

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  • I
    Expert August 2021
    Ingrid ·
    • Flag
    I think it's odd to ask to come again, but whatever.


    Here is what I'm going to tell you. . .the week of your wedding people are going to text/email about how they can't come now for whatever reason, it's just how things work out. And some won't even show up, which is worse of you ask me.
    If these two are the only ones who ask to come I say let them come bc there will be at least two people who can't of who won't show. I would just let them know how you are going to make it happen for them.
    This way you are not stuck paying for meals that went unserved.
    It's horrible that people do this but it really is the reality of planning any event, not just a wedding.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    It’s not rude to tell them no, but if your FI really wants them there, I’d go out of my way to make it happen. To me there’s a significant difference between “it can’t be done” and “it can be done it will just take some effort on my part” and if that’s the case, to me it is worth the effort.


    We actually did experience this. A couple RSVPed — she said yes, he said no as he would be traveling. Well, his trip changed last minute and a week before the wedding they reached out to see if he could still come. We cleared the add in with the catering company and they said it was no problem, so we said yes! It absolutely screwed up my seating chart— his wife had been in the last vacant seat at the table of people they knew, so I couldn’t just sneak him in, but I was able to shift them both to a table of FH’s work friends…random fit, but the awkward placement was just kind of their cost of late response ! So, they weren’t offended not to get to sit with their friends (there was actually another random couple at her original table who I could’ve easily bumped to make room, but thought had gone into their placement so I didn’t think it was fair to move them). I ended up flip flopping two tables’ physical placements so that late rsvp couple would be right up next to their original table/the people they knew. It worked out totally great, and I was glad to have put in the little extra effort to accommodate them so that we could share our day with them! Definitely worth it to us, and though it did require a little maneuvering, it wasn’t a big deal. …still, if the caterer had said no, it would’ve been a no, and it wouldn’t have been rude. Nothing I could do about it! (our caterers brought all tables/table settings etc so covered 100% of the rentals and 100% of the set up)
    • Reply
  • Ariel
    Devoted October 2021
    Ariel ·
    • Flag
    I would tell them that you can’t accommodate anyone else, however if someone cancels last minute you’ll let them know and they can take that seat/meal.
    • Reply
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I wouldn’t bank on this. We only had 1 person not show up (we knew a couple of days before mom was hospitalized). And then we had an uninvited guest show up (adult child showed up with parents because he drove them 🙄) so we wouldn’t have had any wiggle room.
    I agree with PP who said let them know if someone cancels last minute, but otherwise unfortunately you can’t accommodate them.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Your due date exists for a reason. Anything after you send in the final tally to the caterer is too late. Let them know you aren’t able to accommodate them but you would love to get together after the wedding. Do not B list.
    • Reply
  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
    • Flag
    How I see it: they said no cause they had plan A, that fell through and now you’re plan B. That would be a no from me. 2 weeks prior is pretty ridiculous to ask to go. Would your venue even let you add more? If it’s not an easy fix (which sounds like that’s the case) I’d say no. Yes, it disappointing but wedding planning is stressful enough, then throw in a pandemic on top of that! Don’t stress yourself out more if you don’t need to. I’d talk to your FH and say it’s really not feasible and will cause a lot of unnecessary stress. They can take you out another time to celebrate.
    • Reply
  • Christina
    Just Said Yes May 2022
    Christina ·
    • Flag
    I don't think it's rude of you to tell them no. That being said, there is a good chance two people who RSVP yes probably aren't going to show. I don't know the exact answer. Is there a lounge or bar area, where if everyone does show that they can at least wait until the party starts, after dinner when everyone is up and socializing? Letting them know they MAY or MAY NOT actually get a seat for dinner? You could probably ask your caterer if there is a way to have an extra plate, even if it's of side items and salad. There is probably extra food left at these events. No don't know if this is helpful at all, but at the end of it all, it would not at all be rude to tell them no either. There is a reason for RSVP!! It is a lot of work, money and takes a lot of time to plan a wedding!
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