Late bm addition

There’s nothing to handle. She has a piss poor attitude and nothing you do is going to change it. Is she having a rough time personally-job troubles, relationship or whatever? If so I’d give her some slack. Otherwise, her duties are to buy a dress and show up. That’s it. She doesn’t have to help, she doesn’t have to have a sunny disposition. If her behavior bothers you too much you can always ask that she step down, but that’s generally a friendship ending move.

I don’t see what there is to handle.

There is nothing to handle, except the woman's temperament. She has done what is required . Until the recent fad of groups of BP women, and mother's, shopping for dresses in groups, doing Mani/Pedi or Spa days in groups, and getting ready as a group, trends following reality TV shows, for more than half a century, rarely did more than a single family member or family and a bridal party member, do any of these things as part of a group with the bride, unless all were far from home in a hotel the night before and day of the wedding. Even then they got ready in their own bed and bathroom , went out for any services to a salon, and all members of the wedding party would gather at least one half hour before pictures or the ceremony. All groomed and dressed. With SO or at home all day, not with bride. The majority of weddings I have been in are still like this. A lot of people never had any interest in group grooming , or being a bride's Entourage for shopping, parties, and grooming . Only celebrities did that stuff, for the most part. So your expectations, and those if your BM , are different. She should not be faulted for not following a celebrity model, all pro services, bride team, that was primarily created by tv, and the wedding industry promoting it. . . . The only thing you can and should do, is to as her to respect the fact that you are the bride, and who is in the bridal party is completely up to you. It is not a popular it's contest. The other BM or MOH do not get a vote. So ask her to please welcome the new BP member, and treat her as this BM would herself like to be treated. You are asking this other friend far enough before the wedding, and if it is fine with her that she was asked later than others, there is no breach if etiquette. The other BP member or members need an attitude adjustment. And it would help if you did not act disappointed or angry that one or more bridesmaids are following long standing etiquette, simply getting the dress, showing 30 min to 2 hours before the wedding, and volunteering to host or go to parties only if she has the time, money, and interest in doing so. . . . A lot of people who never have been involved in an actual wedding, it's planning, or as WP, have no idea how drastic a change some of these reality TV trends have been, or how recent. Not the fact that huge numbers of people still do things the traditional way. There are whole states where HMU who come to you exist only in resorts, 1 or 2 cities, and start at $500 per person they do. For the rich. And no spas. And salins that have found that as the number or shopper in bride's group goes up, it takes longer and is less likely bride will buy. So they ban groups, if they ever accepted them to begin with. You cannot make others confirm to your vision. They did not all sign in for that. You can, and should, require that all WP treat each other with respect, a d respect your choices. With no criticism, gossip, or jealousy, it acting territorial . For that your friend needs to change. But greater participation than she wants? No, not as long as she gets the dress and shows for the wedding, and the early hours of the reception.

I fully agree with Laura. All a bridesmaid is required to do is have a dress & shoes and show up. There isn't a situation to handle.

I think I was more or so just looking for confirmation I made the right choice to add another girl. I haven’t asked my girls to do anything above and beyond get a dress at this point (even tho they keep asking me the same info about which dress and where to buy every month). I was more confused why this one BM would feel so offended and be so critical of me adding a new girl when she herself shows no interest while the other girl has been very helpful and always asking if I need help.

You definitely made the right choice by adding the other girl! Don't listen to the bridesmaid that was negative about it, its not her place to have an opinion on who is in your bridal party. As far as this girl not having interest goes, I wouldn't worry about it, as long as she gets the dress and attends what she needs to be at then it's all good. The bridal party doesn't typically help with the planning of the wedding anyway.

View Quoted Comment I think everyone thinks you were fine to add your friend whom you have become even closer to during this pre-wedding period. But not because she did more. Because she obviously cares more for you than you may have seen before, when choosing others, and working on a project together has shown you nice things about her, and made you want to include her. Those are good things. Just, don't fault the other or others who did do the required minimum. Not for not helping more. But they have no reason to get jealous it territorial and keep this new person out. That is the problem. Try to focus on that when you rebut the first BM stuff. It does not matter who did more or less. But it matters very much that original BM act welcoming to ANY additional wedding person you add, for any reason. The bride, you, chooses the wedding party, and other bridesmaid's jealousy it rudeness is intolerable. Continue to include the new one. But make sure when you talk to others you do not say , " because she has done mire". That gets them defensive, they did do what was required ( though not what you hoped.). Just tell everyone, sincerely, that in the process if doing wedding things together, you realized you have a stronger bond of friendship than you realized many months back when you chose the others. And you feel she also belongs beside you wedding day. . . . I was critical of you faulting the others for what they really need not do. And others pointed out, they did the minimum, and original BM should not be faulted. But I think all posters here support you simply adding another good friend, and expecting others to welcome her . And if you present it that way, you will get more clear support.

I don’t think there is any thing to handle as long as the first BM don’t treat the latest addition to the BM rude or different just let it go. It’s ok for her to have her opi and share it with you as her friend it’s just not ok to act out of character. I wouldn’t get upset or stress about it she may have just wanted to vent her concerns and might actually surprise you and step up to doing more.

It’s not her place to have an opinion on YOUR wedding party. All she has to do is get a dress and show up, your decision does not affect her in any way. Just brush it off, and if she continues to be pissy about it, just politely set her straight. “This is my decision and I would appreciate everyone’s support in my choices.” You don’t owe anyone an explanation on who you do or do not choose to be with you on your day.