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Last Name Woes

Erin, on August 19, 2024 at 11:25 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 1

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I got divorced and never changed my last name. We have 2 kids together and we all share the same last name. Now, my ex has remarried, and the new wife now shares the same last name with all of us. I do not want to share the same last name as her. But if I change it, then my kids will share the name with the newly wedded couple, and I, the one on their birth certificate, will be the odd wo(man) out. I know I could hyphenate, I know my kids would understand, it's me. I am the one who has an issue with it. And when I get married, I would need to change my last name again, and I know my girlfriend will have a HUGE issue if I hyphenate my new last name, and my exes last name...I don't know. I don't know what to do.

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Latest activity by HvR, on August 19, 2024 at 4:29 PM

Dedicated October 2024
HvR · on August 19, 2024 at 4:29 PM
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You change your name if you want, and it sounds like you do.
It's not an easy task to legally change your name after a divorce, as you likely well know, but if you feel something about it then please, by all means. You mentioned that when you get married again your name will change; if this is something you're predicting to happen soon, I would just wait to change it legally to align with your new marriage.
Your kids have a right to the name they want, and you can certainly have this discussion with them. Depending on the custody status/age of the child, you'll potentially have to discuss it with their father. But this is a legal and personal matter that really isn't an issue best handled on wedding forums.
Personally, I would just read the room. If your kids come to you and ask you about it, then it's something you can address at the time. My nephews are just becoming adults and their parents divorced almost a decade ago; one wants to change his name to his mom's maiden name (my sister never bothered changing back) and the other doesn't care at all.
Bottom line is you should not push them to change anything they do not want to change. Sorry, but the concern in being the odd one out should you revert to your maiden name, is a little ego problem that you'll simply have to shoulder.
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