Last Name Dilemma

View Quoted Comment That’s an option I didn’t consider. I really like my middle name. So much to consider.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your response.

My parents were divorced and my mother kept my father’s name for the same reason. To be honest, it wouldn’t have been a big deal to me if she’d gone back to her maiden name.

I'm getting married the second time and will be taking FH's last name. My 3 boys have my ex husband's last name. Currently I'm using my maiden name. At first I was hesitant to change my name and waited a year until after the divorce to switch.
It turned out that they don't even care what my last name is.
It's a personal decision, but your name doesn't change how important you are to them.

I agree with the poster who commented about how you aren't holding on to your ex. I'm honestly surprised by how many people said that about your situation even after you explained that you have children.

At the end of the day, it's up to you. My mom never remarried but she kept my father's name so that she would have our name. I feel like different families are more acceptable now than when I was growing up and it would have been uncomfortable for us to have our mom switch her name. She is just now thinking of changing her name back and I'm 35 and married....

I completely understand wanting to keep your children's name. I'm glad your fiance is supportive of you making this decision and doing what is right for you. If you want to have his name and it is important to you, I would hyphenate.

View Quoted Comment Thanks Emily. Definitely not holding onto the ex. Our divorce was very amicable and certainly mutual. We communicate now about the kids, we have no connection outside of that. He’s been remarried for a few years.

Are your kids adults? Because if they're adults there's not many pros to keeping it. If they're not teenagers yet is where the problem would be.
A few of my friends got divorced and this came up, a lot of the kids said they felt it was weird their mother kept the same last name after the divorce! I wasn't expecting that response, so maybe if your kids are a little older you can ask them. It seems like the connection to your children is the only substantial reason you'd think of keeping the old name, which I think is understandable.
Also many people get remarried nowadays it's not uncommon or anything for kids and parents to have different last names, if you do change it, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

View Quoted Comment My sons are 9 and 12.

Another solution to consider is making your current last name your middle name (or having 2 middle names if you don’t want to drop your current one). Then you can keep some of the family symbolism and can choose whatever you want to go by and won’t be legally required to sign both names in most cases

I’ve also divorced and on my soon to be second marriage. When I got divorced my kids were 10 and 13. I went back to my maiden name because it meant more to me. My kids have had no issues with it. When I marry my FH I will change my name again. I think you should take your FH name. At the least hyphenate it and when your kids are older then drop the Brown.

My mom got remarried and changed her name when I was 26, and I have to say it was weird and a little sad knowing we didn't share a last name anymore. I mean, it was going to happen when I got married anyway, but it was still weird. Ultimately it's your decision and you should do what makes you happy, but maybe talk to your kids about it and see how they feel? If it matters to them then consider hyphenating it.

I would say change your name. There's lots of blended families out there these days with different names.

I think it's very hard to tell kids that you need to take your new husband's name because you'll be part of his family, without them feeling like your having a different name means you are no longer part of their family. My inclination under the circumstances would be to hyphenate.

I think that there are many opinions on here telling you that you shouldn’t have a connection with your ex, but at the end of the day it’s the the connection with your ex that you are carrying, it’s your connection to your kids.

As someone who doesn’t currently have kids, I don’t know what it’s like, but I have heard stories about hospital visits, school, etc where not sharing a last name with your children can become an issue.

My mom got remarried when I was 16 and my brother was 14. She kept my biological father's last name up until she got married, and then changed her name after the wedding and had a different last name than us, and it was fine. Granted, we were a little older than your children but I think they'll be ok with it. My friends did impressively well with the name switch too and calling my mom by her new name

I think that it's much more common now, especially as children get older. I'm a high school teacher and always check last names before I contact a parent and never assume they have the same last name as their children.

However, I also think the idea of hyphenating your last names is a good compromise if that's something you feel more comfortable with. Good luck!

I’m going thru same dilemma. I loved my maiden name but going back to it seems like the most confusing of all options.

Had my ex’s name through 25 years of professional work and am known by that name throughout my business network and share it with my young adult kids (19 and 21). I feel like they do feel like they’re losing me to this new family and so I feel like changing from their last name makes that even more of a split with them.

Would like to have new husbands name legally because his kids are schoolage,

I think I would like to keep going by ex’s name at work, unofficially, and if my kids or their friends or others from my past life continue to call me Mrs (ex’s last name) unofficially that would be ok too. Like a “dba” for a business. Is there anyone else choosing to do that?

You can hyphenate and if your kids so desire they can have their names hyphenated as well to match! Or you can take the name Young and kids can hyphenate to include your new name. I know that Chelsea from Teen Mom had Aubrey's name hyphenated so she can match a little more to her mom/new family!

It's such a personal preference. Do your kids have an opinion? Will they feel any different to have a different last name as their mom? You already made FH's preference clear. Is there an option that you can immediately cross off the list or something you don't think you could live with? I can certainly understand the dilemma but I don't think anyone can choose for you.

For me personally, I would change my name. Your kiddos are already almost teenagers...I think they'll understand. Plus you're looking at less than a decade of having a different last name as them...while presumably looking at a lifetime with your FH.

I just spent 9 and 5 years of my kiddos' lives with a different last name and just finally married their dad and changed my name...but honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal having a different last name as them. It's so common to be from blended/broken/different kinds of families now that no one looks as you crosswise or thinks anything of it.