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Suzanne
Just Said Yes November 2022

Last minute rsvp changes

Suzanne, on October 19, 2022 at 2:33 PM Posted in Planning 0 21

Hi all,

This is mostly just to vent because there's nothing to do and I figured folks here would understand.

We've had a few last minute cancellations; I get that it happens but a couple were for reasons they could have foreseen (one person had a conflict that they knew about but wanted to resolve, another person also had a conflict but just forgot to mention it). And like, I get it. It happens. But it's also so frustrating cause every additional person obviously costs money and I don't get why you would RSVP if you know there's a strong chance you will need to cancel. And like, we've had people cancel a few months ahead which is fine, cause we can still adjust so no harm there, but the last-minute ones are super frustrating. Especially when it's not like an unforeseen situation.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk Smiley tongue

21 Comments

Latest activity by Allison, on October 24, 2022 at 4:26 PM
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    Ugh I had this happen too, it's frustrating!! The day before my wedding, two people cancelled. I totally understand emergencies come up, but in this case, they knew they were going to cancel a few weeks ahead of time, and just waited until the day before to let us know. After we'd already paid for their meals/drinks, so we were out the money. I wasn't upset that they decided not to attend, though I was upset that they didn't let us know sooner once they knew they weren't going to be there. I gave myself ten minutes that day to be frustrated/annoyed over it, and then I put it behind me and didn't let it affect the rest of the weekend.
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  • Suzanne
    Just Said Yes November 2022
    Suzanne ·
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    Right??? It's the waiting until the last minute. I really don't get that. But, I think your approach (get mad for 10 minutes and move on) is perfect. Thanks!

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  • A
    Savvy October 2022
    Angela ·
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    TOTALLY understandable that you’re feeling this way! I would too. I’m sorry, I hope your day is amazing and fabulous, regardless of who’s there. Then after The Day, you may need to evaluated some of the relationships in your life.
    • Reply
  • Vicki
    Dedicated February 2023
    Vicki ·
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    It’s just so very inconsiderate. It amazes me how many people out there are like this!
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  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
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    Is it possible that people, in their ignorance, think it is just easy to add and remove them? Are they likely to know that the vendor will still bill the money for empty place settings?

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks Online ·
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    How far ahead of the wedding did you request the RSVP's? If it's more than a couple weeks before the caterer needs the numbers, this can happen. Sucks though, and I hope you don't have to pay, since you're getting married in November?

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  • G
    Beginner January 2023
    Grace ·
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    I'm so sorry. That would frustrate me too and is inconsiderate!!
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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    Yes this has happened to me now with 11days out and ppl are canceling now. To me that's money of ours wasted when they confirmed just last week. And me as well I understand that something happened in life but when we see money going down the drain. That upsets me because they tell us we can't to come and celebrate with you guys. Now that's 300.00 down drain money we can't get back. So I clearly understand why you are frustrated. We both now that we have vented let's both hold and have a great wedding day
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  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated August 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    I understand exactly how you feel. This happened to us as well. Four people canceled on us about two weeks before (after I gave the venue the final count and seating chart). They canceled due to health reasons so we understood. However two people didn't show up the day of the wedding and didn't even have an excuse.
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  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
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    Maybe if some surprise guests come and can fill those empty slots -- hopefully welcome guests. I have heard of some cases of that happening.

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  • M
    Expert July 2023
    Michele ·
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    Hopefully, they will do the right thing and reimburse you in the form of a monetary gift. Hope all works out.
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  • Suzanne
    Just Said Yes November 2022
    Suzanne ·
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    Thank you, everyone, for your compassion and understanding! It helps so much to get things off your chest and move on to enjoy the day and time with family and friends.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    Sorry this happened to you and agree both of those cases are really disrespectful of you.

    It's one thing to cancel due to something completely unpredictable and unavoidable, like a major illness or injury, but another to just mismanage your time and commitments without consideration for how they impact people. Silver Lining: At least they let you know ahead of time and didn't no show the day of your wedding.

    We had friends drop from our wedding just a few days before because their toddler had a high fever. A bummer, but totally understandable. While we had already paid for their meals, them giving us a heads up at least allowed us to change our seating arrangement to a better layout since we had two less people to accommodate.

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  • S
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    I totally get the frustration. The day of our wedding we had I think 12-14 no shows. Some were due to illness which is completely understandable and I think 1 or 2 were last minute babysitter cancellations. But 1 was they though the wedding was Saturday, not Friday...?! It's literally written out on the invite "Friday September twenty third" like even if you didn't see Friday you surely saw the date, right? and another was the best man's parents (grade school friend of husband's) who didn't come because they were babysitting their grandkid. That one really upset me because they've known about this for over 6 months, and to me if you commit to attending a wedding you say no to babysitting. I don't know the circumstances, I've never even met them but my husband said they would skip out on a lot of their son's sporting events for their daughter. So I feel your pain. We were able to bring all leftover food home so definitely ask your caterer if you are able to do that! Then at least the food won't go to waste. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

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  • Sarah
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    We had 10 + people just not show up at all to our wedding last month and no explanation and they never even tried to reach out or anything.. 😓 It’s quite sad because you spend so much money on food and stuff .. we could have saved quite a bit but it’s whatever 🤷🏻‍♀️
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  • Suzanne
    Just Said Yes November 2022
    Suzanne ·
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    Agh, wow, that is so hurtful. I honestly don't get why people think that's okay. Unless it's your first wedding or you've never met newlyweds, I really don't get how you don't know there's a cost per person that is not negligible. Last-minute disasters? It happens, life happens. But canceling cause you forgot you have had a yoga class is just not ok. At the very least, send a generous gift; we had to cancel once on account of being sick (and not wanting to infect other guests) and we sent a large gift cause we felt just awful.

    All that said, I hope to focus on the people who do show up and making good memories. I hope everyone here had/will have an amazing time and your wedding. Y'all are awesome!

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  • M
    Savvy November 2022
    Mackenzie ·
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    Is there anyone you weren’t close enough with to invite to your wedding last year but has since become close to the two of you? I’ve been to weddings where people invited others last minute and they didn’t think anything of being on the “B list” but then at least the money doesn’t go to waste!
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  • Jm Sunshine
    Jm Sunshine ·
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    We unfortunately had to cancel a RSVP within 2 weeks of a family friend's wedding because another friend with Stage 4 cancer threw a "Going Away" party for herself on the same date. That really sucked!
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  • A
    Beginner October 2022
    Aileen ·
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    Very inconsiderate. I had people who knew they weren’t actually coming and never changed their RSVP (I happened to reach out and confirm and that’s how I found out), people who canceled last minute, people who confirmed me a week ahead of time yes we’re still coming and never showed…these are all family members too. Blows my mind.
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  • Nicolle
    Dedicated October 2022
    Nicolle ·
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    Like I'm within 5 days of the wedding and we had people cancel just this weekend. When do I stop adjusting the seating chart...? I guess tonight when I finally put it all together. I get unforeseen circumstances, BUT just being like nahhhhh. that's petty nonsense. Weddings are work!!

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