Last minute guest addition?

... for a new relationship, that's only a few months old. So I texted FSIL with some NWR things, but added at the end, "I hear you have a new bf? Congrats! Does he want to come to the wedding?" and I haven't heard back from her.

At this point. I'm thinking I should just leave well enough alone. If she had wanted him there / he wanted to be there, she would have indicated that she'd be bringing a date on her RSVP, or texted me to see if he could come. Since she hadn't done either of those things, I'm planning on him not coming.

I still feel awkward not inviting a future sister's SO, though. What do you all think?

That was nice of you to ask her.

But then again, she didn't tell you, fmil did.

My guess is they discussed it and he/they decided he would sit this one out. Is she a bridesmaid?

You're good

Agree with @Nonna. Also, you gave her a plus 1, she responded without adding him, I think you're set to leave your final numbers as is. If FMIL has an issue about him not coming, she can take it up with your FSIL.

ETA: words

How long has it back since she texted back? give her like 36 hrs and if no response then I would be like "hey I haven't heard from you and I need my final count so I'm just gonna assume you're not bringing anyone as you said on your original RSVP" or something along those lines.....honestly I wouldn't have been as nice as you this late in the game, I probably would have been like well she didn't use her plus 1 so you're being way nicer than me!

@Nonna, yes, she will be a bridesmaid. Which also adds that during the ceremony plus any getting ready time, he won't know anyone there and that could be potentially awkward.

They did make their relationship "Facebook official" last night.

It's not like one extra meal will make or break our budget, and there actually is an extra seat at FSIL's table. So we can definitely accommodate this new person if they want. They just haven't said that we should. And if we are going to make changes, I want to let our venue and caterer know sooner rather than later because I hate to inconvenience them more than I have to.

Argh I'm seriously waffling about this.

ETA @ juicyfruit I texted her on Monday.

You did all you could imo and were very gracious.

If you want to be really, really nice you can tell her he is welcome to come later in the evening for a bit.

I think you did the right thing! It's up to FSIL if she wants him there. You extended the offer (twice!). If she even decides next week that he should come, your caterer should be able to handle adding one more person.

I literally had the same thing happen!!! One of FH's cousins (who I am close with, we do wine nights) started dating someone after the RSVPs came back. They decided to be exclusive so I texted her to ask if she wanted to bring him. I told her no pressure because I know a huge family event is a big deal. She agreed that she'd like him there. We met him last week and he's so thankful to be invited. I think you did the right thing. If she isn't answering, let it be.

If she wanted him there, she would have take the plus 1. Or she would have been the one to reach out to you. It sounds like there isn't really a problem. If you want to make sure, you can ask her. Considering she still hasn't told you she has a boyfriend, you don't have to reach out to ask if you would prefer not to.

Thanks, everyone. I'll reach out one more time just to follow up on the text that was never answered, and then leave the situation alone!

I think your very good for extending the offer, but if it was me and now she didn't respond I would be wondering will he be coming or not! Perhaps if you don't hear from her in about two days after you text her, give her a call and talk to her as to what she wants to do. It's quite possible that they decided that he'd be more comfortable not going hence why they didn't mention it before. Mothers!!! got to love them for stirring the pot at the last minute!!

My MIL asked us several times if we could invite my SILs MIL as they were going to ask her to mind thier two kids after the meal. We couldn't really say no and put her on the list (there was room). Not long before the invites went out I was chatting with my SILs husband and he said to me "I don't know how this started but please don't invite my mother to your wedding there is no need". So that was that we didn't.

She was single at the time of the invitation so she didn't need to have a plus one. That's like having tickets to a concert and going by yourself because you hadn't had a boyfriend at the time. I think it's fine and you can't be feel bad about that.

*Update*

FSIL finally texted back, the new BF will not be coming to the wedding, but will join us for the rehearsal dinner the night before.

I feel good about that mutual decision! He isn't excluded, and we don't have to adjust any of the reception info we'd already turned in. Plus the smaller, more casual family atmosphere feels like a more appropriate setting for him to meet everyone for the first time.

Thanks for everyone who gave feedback. Now onto the next thing to stress over!

Very nice and you and good outcome!

Sounds like he wouldn't have been comfortable at the wedding. Glad to hear he'll be at the rehearsal so he can start meeting the family.