Last minute drop outs...

She's your best friend and can't come because of that? I'm sorry that sounds like such a lame excuse. If my best friend were getting married I would be there regardless if my SO has to work. Yes, it is rude.

She should be able to come by herself if your that close of friends? Was she in the BP>??

FYI- I think you sent out the invitations EXTREMELY early. Alot can change in 4 months, so I would expect a few more cases like this. Of people who RSVPed to early and something else came up in their lives.

She's out of town, so her husband having to work would mean she has no car to come to my city. She said she was working on trying to find a method of transportation for her and her 3yr old daughter. That conversation was two weeks ago and I haven't heard from her since.

Yep, I definitely sent them out early! Its a pretty small wedding and actually there have been no other last minute drop outs.

Why cant she rent a car or something? that's kind of lame, i am sorry she inst being a great friend to you. i hope she is able to make something work.

Well it sounds like her plans are still up in the air. If her parents are not able to make it then yes they should have let you know but you can't really be mad at her if she is still trying to finalize her plans. She hasn't told you that she can't make it. She said she might not be able to make it. Perhaps its a money issue. Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable *driving by herself. There could be loads of reasons that she may not be able to attend. I understand this day is important to you and you would love to have her there.

Also why would you send out invitations 6 months before your wedding? Save-the-dates I can understand but not invitations. A lot can change in that amount of time.

Agree that it's a shame, but this is why you don't send invites out so early! People don't know what they're doing yet.

Obviously, there's nothing you can do now, but I hope future brides see this before deciding to send invites super early.

Was there a reason why you sent everything and required RSVPs so early?

Omg people, really? getting on her for sending out her invitations early? there's nothing that she can do about it now. And honestly other than the friends parents changing their minds/ not being able to go she would most likely be in the same situation with her friend.

NO ones.. GETTING ON HER..

We are pointing out that the invites were sent super early. Peoples plans coud've changed since April. That was over 6 months ago. Things came up... example: Friends husband can not get off work now. Alo, pointing out because sending that early means people could forget.

I'm also curious why you sent them out early. Not criticizing, just curious! Some people don't ask for RSVPs until the week of, and some super early so I am curious why!

As for sudden no's... Be happy she told you! Its unfortunate but things happen and you should enjoy the day regardless. We had two friends just no-show, no -call and nothing since, that was worse because we have NO IDEA why they just no-showed.

Shit can come up in one month also, it might make a difference in the number of people have things change by sending it out that early but i sent mine out at 8 weeks and had someone RSVP yes and end up not being able to come. people no show to weddings all the time, shit happens.

i am not sure why you feel the need to keep bringing that up and i was just stating that having 4 people in a row ask why they were sent out that early was redundant and creating a freaking pig pile.

eta: for all you know it was a destination wedding for most people. or she decided to forgo save the dates and thought that she was being helpful by giving people a heads up.

Apologies, OP. I started typing a post that took me a few minutes, so all that I saw were Ely and Kathryn by the time I hit post. And, as I stated, I think this shows brides who haven't sent invites yet why they should hold off. Like others, I was curious.

Surfer, you're usually pretty rational. Calm down.

ETF: Spelled Kathryn's name wrong.

Sorry @futuremrslav- i try, rsvps have been annoying for me so i guess i feel her pain lol

eta: OP- no shows are worse i think, at least they told you prior to the wedding. one of my friends had something like 8 people no show.

I know it hurts that they are not coming but this does happen. It happens to most of us. Dropouts and no-shows happen, usually for good reason (health, death, hospitalizations, etc) so just be ready. One of my good friends from undergrad didn't come and blamed her finances. I thought that was an excuse. I was a broke 20something when she got married and I took a TRAIN cross-country to be there and saved for months to be able to give her a decent cash gift. It hurt. It affected the friendship. It happens.

If you haven't put in your numbers to the caterer, be thankful they told you.

Just a PSA to other brides (with no offense intended to OP): August 1 seems really early as an RSVP deadline for a wedding in October. I think that might be part of the issue.

ETA: ooops, didn't see the controversy regarding how everyone told the OP her RSVPs were too early.

I'm sorry this happened. I can't agree that sending out invites early makes her cancellation worse-- it is much easier to know where things are at in a week than in 6. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive her-- it would be awful to lose a friendship over this.

Surfergirl! I dont even want to think about RSVP diasaster! I don't even want to go through it after all the shit I've seen on WW. Sorry you are having trouble.

And I was just asking/mentionging like Lively said.. As a reminder to other brides that sending that early could have its own problems.

Kathryn-it wasn't so much of a disaster of not getting peoples back lol.

Mini rant kinda highjacking @fallbride2015 thread sorry:

it was my mother in law deciding to verbally invite 3 people 3 weeks before our wedding, or her telling us not to give his cousin a plus one only to be asked if his girlfriend could come right before numbers were due. also not carefully checking the list that she gave us and leaving off on of my FFILs cousins off the list but because he was invited to FSILs wedding this summer we apparently had to invite him last minute.

so yeah thinking that we might be able to save some money turning into adding an addition 5 people and a child a few weeks before the wedding when i have other stuff to do was a lot of fun.

(oh and his mom insisting on doing the seating for his family because apparently his sister totally messed hers up and his mom didn't trust us to do it, got the list and all the tables were basically how i was going to do them anyway.)

sorry again OP

Thanks for all your posts! You guys are totally right, a lot can happen in 6 months! Really, I don't know why I wanted to send them out so early, maybe I was just excited! In any case, for this particular situation, it didn't matter or make a difference in terms of anyone cancelling last minute... except for this friend. But YES it is possible that holding off might help with that issue! We didn't do a save the date simply because the wedding is small and everyone who knew about it had already blocked off the day! Literally its family and our very close friends. I felt like sending a save the date was redundant. As for the Aug 1st deadline, we had to give our venue 8 weeks notice for final numbers and meal choices (I know, long time, right!!?) I added a couple weeks just in case any rsvps were late, which a couple were.

@fallbride2015, thanks for explaining! stinks your venue requires it so far ahead as a lot can change in 8 weeks. Oh well, you do what you gotta do!

Sometimes, it's not so much the money, but that you want those people to spend the day with you!

But also, if they can't commit, people should really try to rsvp "no" before deadline instead of yes, then cancelling. If you are unsure, decline. If you end up being able to make it, ask the bride/groom because they may have had cancellations. Although some brides might not like that either. We had 153 as our head count, and between rsvp and wedding dates 8 cancelled, and then 5 no shows so we ended at 140... probably close to $500 between bar and food we could have used elsewhere!

I've had several people drop out at the last minutes (our wedding is Sunday!) Thankfully, I don't have to give the caterer a head count until Tomorrow!