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Suzanne
Savvy July 2020

Last Minute Cancellations

Suzanne, on July 11, 2020 at 10:10 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 31
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Has anyone else had people say they're not coming to the wedding after they RSVP'D that they'd be there? I let a rant out on Facebook and said how mad I was and rude that is to do that. Some of it is health related so I completely get those people. The ones that if it was Covid related they should've said no from the beginning, and not change their mind with the excuse "we just don't want to chance it." So, if you were feeling that way before then why even respond that you're coming?! It totally threw off our dinner count, cupcake, and favor count. I don't think people realize the snowball effect it has on the whole thing. I know I sound rude, I just didn't think this was going to happen this badly.

31 Comments

Latest activity by Kristin, on September 29, 2020 at 9:18 PM
  • Stacey
    Expert May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag

    People are making the best decisions that they can right now. I'm sure no one had any intention of causing additional stress to what a I'm sure has already been a very stressful time. Smiley sad Things have declined pretty rapidly, even within the past 30 days, so it's no surprise that people's comfort levels may have changed. Just focus on your loved ones who are able to attend, keep them safe, and you'll still have the best day of your life. Smiley heart

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    My wedding was pre pandemic and that still happens. Life happens ;/ I don’t know those peoples reasons but it is what it is ya know? Not much can do. But I can see your frustration because it is annoying to think that we pay for that spot ya know? But again, life happens.
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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Mine was also pre Covid and we had about 9 people tell us they were coming and they didn't show up. Unfortunately this happens. The pandemic is changing all the time and your guests may have thought things would be better by now, but have realized it isn't and they don't have want to risk it. With the pandemic, I think people need to be more understanding of last minute change of plans.
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  • Jill
    Jill ·
    • Flag
    We are also bracing for people not to show up who RSVPd. Wedding is in 21 days and 90 people have said they are coming. I will be surprised if 75 show but as of today we are committed to paying for 90 irregardless and it's not like our state has suddenly taken a turn for the worst--we have been a hotbed from the get go (CA).
    • Reply
  • Kate
    Devoted August 2020
    Kate ·
    • Flag

    You’re not being rude. It is extremely rude for people to do that, especially if it’s last minute and you’ve already paid their way for the wedding. I completely agree that they should have been up front when they sent their RSVP. I would rather them RSVP no, and then ask if it was okay to come at the last minute if they had a change of heart, rather than the other way around. We had 5 last minute cancellations for my shower tomorrow, and I wish they had just said no from the beginning. So frustrating! I hope no one else surprises you like that and that you have the best day ever!

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  • Suzanne
    Savvy July 2020
    Suzanne ·
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    Thank you. Yes I'm sure it's not intentional. It just sucks is all. Smiley sad As long as there's no complete shutdown things should be okay. Covid sucks butt!
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  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
    • Flag
    This is my biggest fear and concern! I dont think you are being rude at all for being upset and having an issue. Im super concerned with people rsvping and then canceling or not showing up. We dont want to pay for people who wont be there
    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    Sadly, these are unique times and life is literally day to day. So, unexpected changes and late cancellations come with the territory right now. We all know firsthand that it’s just flat out difficult hosting a weddings during a deadly pandemic. So, understandably, some people are less comfortable than others. I believe that your guests genuinely wanted to attend. But as the date drew closer, they had to make the best decision for themselves (the same way some brides kept their original date, while other brides postponed). Since we obviously can’t control our guests, the only thing we can do is happily enjoy our wedding days. Best wishes!!!
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  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I agree with this right here. It's frustrating and your feelings are valid. I hate to be rude not my intention bc what's is done but definitely come here to vent or even share with your fiance but maybe be careful posting on social media as that can rub people the wrong way. Weddings are stressful and yes that's stressful people doing it but during a pandemic it's understandable ( I've had a hair and makeup appointments set for weeks and I may have to cancel it because I finally decided to get a coronavirus test just to be safe and if I need to cancel then I do bc my health and protecting others is a priority; everyone's mind during a virus that's not going away and in some states the numbers are going up it causes for concern.) But I'm sure you still want to maintain a relationship with these people post wedding so even things like posting frustrations on Facebook while your feelings are valid people could read that and then take that in a bad way. I'm really sorry but just like others have said don't let the guest count be a determination of your wedding if you have extra food not sure if you can call the vendors and see if they can lower the count or maybe people take extra food I know I love food at a wedding hahaha. Your day is going to be beautiful regardless and you going to have so much fun so please don't let that bring you down because you deserve to be happy at this time.
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  • Natalie
    Devoted November 2020
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    I’d recommend removing your social media rant about this ASAP! While it would be typically considered poor etiquette for guests to change their RSVP status, I’d consider it much worse for a bride to post something negative shaming her guests during a pandemic!!!
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I see your point covid has been here for a while it's not like a week before your wedding it happened. I understand your frustration but with covid being around people are confused and don't know what to do anymore. One minute covid is so bad the country shuts down the next minute it's clearing up and everything is going back to normal to the next minute the numbers are rising again and states are deciding to shut down again. I don't think people are trying to be rude or trying to stress you out. They just don't know what the right decision is. Does the place you are getting dinner from and cupcakes from allow for you to change your count? I know the catering company we hired has us give them the final count the week of the wedding and we give them the final pay the day of the wedding, just in case people drop out at the last minute. I told my fiance if we couldn't change the count when the wedding gets closer, then there will just be more food for everyone to be able to get 2nds and 3rds if they want. And I'd let people take food home. At the end of the day it is what it is and you can't force people to come even if they rsvped, I guess you just got to make the most of it and see it a bit differently. Like there will be plenty of food and cupcakes for people who want to indulge. And I'm sure people have kids they would like to bring an extra wedding favor home to.
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  • T
    Devoted May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    I completely agree with Natalie. You might try to be a bit more understanding at this time. Even a month ago, it looked like things were improving with Covid-19, only to have them start to decline again, rapidly. There are governors closing their counties or states down again because of the spread. You think it's rude for your guests to consider their own health at a time like this, and cancel after saying they'd attend? I think it's even more rude to get on social media and call them out for it. Frankly, if I was a guest who canceled and I saw that, I would not send a gift, and it would be a long time before I spoke to you again.

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  • Chelsea
    Dedicated August 2020
    Chelsea ·
    • Flag
    I’m literally going through this now!! It is totally annoying because I had one person just recently discussing they are coming and the next day I get a text say we aren’t coming. At this point I don’t care but do agree to come just to back out!
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  • Suzanne
    Savvy July 2020
    Suzanne ·
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    The problem is I had a guest tell me that a friend of theirs is coming up to visit them and they decided to spend time with them instead. Also another guest said they went on vacation out east and now decided not to come. If you knew you were going on vacation even with the pandemic and coming back so close to the date you should have just responded no to start with. It's not as if it was a spur of the moment vacation. Not getting a gift doesn't bother me. Someone not talking to me for a long time doesn't bother me. Lack of respect on committing to something and backing out of it does.
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  • Suzanne
    Savvy July 2020
    Suzanne ·
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    The Covid related reasons I do understand. I really do. The thing that set me off was one person saying they had a friend come to visit that day and are now backing out. The other said they went on vacation out east and are quarantining themselves cause of the vacation. The vacation was obviously planned so they knew this prior to sending the response card back. I'd rather have them said no than chance it in the first place, regardless of numbers up or down in our state. That's the part that I was upset about. Absolutely understand cancellation from Covid scare. More the principle of the thing.
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  • Sarah
    Savvy August 2020
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Oh yes. I’ve had many people do that to me last minute. I am ready for my 8/1/2020 wedding to be over with. People are very inconsiderate. Like you said, with covid I understand but just let me know!
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  • Suzanne
    Savvy July 2020
    Suzanne ·
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    Unfortunately we can't change the number at the venue for plates. Like you said, we'll just make the most of it.
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  • Destiny
    VIP May 2020
    Destiny ·
    • Flag

    My baby brother his female and there child and my uncle all said they would be there and didnt show, uncle rsvp the night before. brothers female rsvp a month before. then a unexpected trip to gr the day of the wedding to hang out with friends.... im his only sister i am still livid and have yet to speak to them

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  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie ·
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    That is so wrong on so many levels. You have every right to be livid. I have 3 brothers and I'm the only girl so if my brothers didn't show I'd be so livid as well.
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  • T
    Devoted May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    Yes, it's more understandable that you'd be irritated over those reasons. I would be, too. You're totally right in expecting people who say they'll come to let company know that they have a prior commitment. I'm iffy on the vacationing one. On the one hand, they knew they were going, on the other, I guess they never thought about quarantining afterward. Guests can be frustrating!

    Congrats on your upcoming wedding, and I hope you don't get anymore dropouts!

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