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Just Said Yes July 2026

Large reception after small wedding?

Kate, on August 10, 2024 at 7:57 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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My fiancé and I want to have a small wedding with just immediate family in the backyard of my families lake cabin which is 6-9 hours from most of our family. But I feel like I should have some sort of celebration with our extended family, especially since my fiancé has a large extended family who is very close. I feel like we have a good enough explanation to why our actual wedding needs to be so small (it's a very small cabin with lots of meaning to my family and just limiting to immediate family fields any of the picking and choosing guest drama) but is it weird to then, maybe a few weeks after the honeymoon, have a larger celebration dinner with extended family at my grandparents house in my home state? Almost like a big family reunion dinner. What I don't want it to seem like is that we are doing it for gifts/money. I just genuinely would feel bad not anything with the larger group. However, my extended family would have to fly in because they don't live in state. At the end of the day, I know it is our choice but I don't want to appear selfish or feel like this decision doesn't make sense. Do you think that makes sense and people wouldn't be offended by it?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by LM, on August 14, 2024 at 10:19 AM

Champion July 2019
Veronica · on August 12, 2024 at 3:57 PM
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My husband wanted to have a very small wedding with basically just parents, siblings, and my grandparents (his are deceased) in attendance. Because of where he wanted it none of our extended family or friends would've been able to attend. His family and friends were so upset with him for even considering this option. We nixed the idea and had a traditional wedding. I personally wouldn't exclude people. The purpose of a wedding is to see the couple get married. If you aren't going to have a ceremony where everyone is invited then I don't see the point of a larger party after the fact.
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Super December 2022
LM · on August 13, 2024 at 3:24 PM
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First, did you grandparents offer to throw you a wedding reception at their house? If not, then this is a non-issue.
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Just Said Yes July 2026
Kate · on August 13, 2024 at 3:37 PM
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Yes, and this is where we have all family gatherings/parties so it wouldn't be out of the normal. I just don't know if extended family would be more offended to not be involved in anything at all or if it would not even be worth it to navigate that and just do a tiny wedding and leave it at that with no one else being involved at all
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Just Said Yes July 2026
Kate · on August 13, 2024 at 3:41 PM
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I think a difference with our situation is that we wouldn't be excluding anyone who is a few minutes away, it would be an out of state wedding at a very small house that my great grandparents owned. I would understand if it's weird to have a ceremony in your hometown or town you currently live in and not invite the people who live somewhat close. I have been invited to 2 weddings where the couple has a small "private" family only ceremony then right after they have extended family/friends at the reception for dinner, speeches, dancing, etc and this seems normal. Just trying to see if that concept can carry over to our situation, but it would be different because we'd do something much more lowkey and family orienteered, like a celebration/reunion of relatives who live farther away.
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Super December 2022
LM · on August 14, 2024 at 10:17 AM
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Well, if you wanted that same family gathering feeling, you would have held your wedding at your grandparents' house, but that's not what you and your partner chose. You know your wedding is not a family reunion (for your side only), so I don't think you should feel guilty to the extent of planning a consolation prize gathering months later. This will come off as a gift grab.
Many people understand a small wedding. Even if a family is close, they should respect each other's boundaries and choices, or eventually learn how to do to so. Feel confident in your decisions and if family wants to send you well wishes, they can do so by mail, by phone, or in-person at the next generic family gathering.
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Super December 2022
LM · on August 14, 2024 at 10:19 AM
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The difference between these weddings and your idea is that the former is same day with same day excitement. Honestly, people don't prioritize traveling long distances for non-weddings so I don't think it would be a good turnout.
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