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Dedicated October 2020

Large family who to invite

Julia, on September 30, 2019 at 6:56 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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Hello, My FH comes from a very large close nit family. His mom has 6 siblings (5 living) and his dad has 2 who are all married and have 1-4 children who are almost all married and have 1-2 children. See where this is going lol. We want our family present but we have friends who we are closer to than some of his cousins. We see nearly all of his family every holiday. I have a very small family, 8 family members including our 2 children that will be attending. I don’t want to hurt feelings or make holidays uncomfortable. We are paying for our wedding ourselves with the exception of some small monetary gifts. We cannot afford to have 175+ guest. Please give me advice

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Jennifer, on October 1, 2019 at 1:30 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on September 30, 2019 at 7:09 PM
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Have you thought about saying no kids? that could really help cutting your guest list.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on September 30, 2019 at 7:11 PM
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The best advice is to invite in circles. It’s rude to invite some aunts and uncles and not others, or some cousins and not others. If inviting his aunts and uncles puts you at your max, stop there. If you can still afford to invite all of his cousins and their significant others, go for it. I would say inviting all the children is probably a stretch.
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Devoted June 2022
Alma · on September 30, 2019 at 7:17 PM
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I would invite those you are closest to. Weddings are expensive now a days and people understand if they are not invited.
My FH & I both are having a large reception of 250 guest and even then we wont be able to invite them all. We are having to choose those we spend most time with. Not that we don't love the ones we wont be able to invite but it's just not possible.
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Dedicated October 2020
Julia · on September 30, 2019 at 8:01 PM
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I know that option works for some but it’s not for us. We have many reasons not to leave them out but most importantly because we have 2 children who will be present. Thank you for the suggestion!
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Dedicated October 2020
Julia · on September 30, 2019 at 8:04 PM
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Thank you, that’s how we feel. But at the same time FH is worried about his cousins getting their feelings hurt then his aunts and uncles telling his mom and dad about it and it upsetting them.
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on September 30, 2019 at 8:39 PM
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If you feel like you absolutely have to invite everyone, you could find ways to cut the budget other places. Maybe have appetizers instead of a full on dinner, or a cash bar instead of an open bar. No favors, you could find a way to make the cake more affordable (we’re going with cupcakes instead of an actual, traditional cake - easier clean up, no cake cutting fee and it’s usually cheaper!), things like that.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on October 1, 2019 at 10:26 AM
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I honestly feel that if you haven't spoken to them in a year, there's no absolute need to invite them. It's your money, so it's your call who goes on the guest list!
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Super August 2006
Cassandra7 · on October 1, 2019 at 1:21 PM
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Decide how many people you want and can afford. Divide that number in two. You invite your half; he invites his half.
First step is to eliminate children (regardless of the presence of your own children). Next eliminate plus-ones (not partners; partners must be invited). Next eliminate everyone you haven't talked to for a year. Then people you wouldn't treat to a hundred dollar dinner (which is what you're about to do). Then people you don't much like. Second cousins. Probably first cousins.
How does your list look now?
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on October 1, 2019 at 1:30 PM
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Not inviting children saves a lot of money! Just because you don't invite relative's children, doesn't mean your own children can't be there or won't have a good time. I would also see where else in your budget you could make cuts to save money!
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