KWR: Moving in together before marriage?

Living with someone is very different then spending the night with them and will definitely change your relationship. That's why the first year is often the most difficult because you're adjusting to living with another person and getting to know their quirks. I would definitely recommend living together before marriage.

FH and I have been living together almost as long as we have been dating. It has developed our relationship and I couldn't imagine how we would have turned out without it.

I think living together before marriage is actually really important. You learn so much about your partner when you live together. I also know people that had a really solid relationship or so they thought before moving in but after living together realized that they would not work out living together. It was a requirement for my FH and I that we live together before getting engaged. I have lived with my partner for almost 2.5 years by the time we get married. I am still excited for my wedding and it is absolutely still going to be a special day. I haven't heard of anyone else not being excited because they live together either.

I say go for it.

We have been living together 6 years and have 2 kids ...im still excited and i know that i can work with all the annoying shit FH does that i would not have known if we didn't live together

FH and I have been living together for the past 10 months, and it was definitely the best decision for us. I know that every person's situation is different, but I definitely recommend it.

To be perfectly honest, I would be nervous marrying someone without living together first. You learn so much about the other person and who you both are as a couple. I am sure this won't be you and FH, but god forbid you discover something incompatible once you move in that didn't come up while you were dating. I would want to learn about it before the wedding.

Same exact situation happened to FH and I, so I understand completely! My parents were slightly iffy about it, but were understanding of the situation. We ended up moving 2 states (6 hours) away from everything we've ever known. We have been living together for 3 months now, and everything is going well! Nothing has really changed between us, other than the fact he has dinner waiting for me when I get home (since he gets out earlier than I do.) It's great! To keep things fun we dedicate Tuesday's to "take out Tuesday's" wine, food, dessert... just some time together. I work crazy hours, usually late except for Tuesday's. You'll find a routine together and it'll be great! Don't be discouraged if it takes a few weeks to find a groove!

Agree with all! Living with someone is a completely new and different experience with awesome challenges. Itll bring you closer and youll learn each others' quirks! Love living w my FH and getting to wake up next to him! A must do if you ask me!!

FH and I have been living together for 2 years. I wouldnt change it for the world. I cant wait to marry him in October. I think its a good idea to move in with him to know how each other lives and strengthen your relationship. Congratulations on the new job too.

I think living together before marriage is really important. FH and I had been dating for a total of 6 months when we settled on our house. It was a bold move, we hadn't lived together for more than a month when our contract was accepted. It has worked out wonderfully though and we got engaged 9 months later. It'll be 2 years of living in our home when we get married and I'm still so excited. I can't imagine much changing after we're married!

You said your original plan was to start living together "around the time" you were supposed to get married. So it sounds like you were open to the idea of premarital cohabitation. So is your concern moving in together sooner than planned?

It also sounds like you need convincing from us WWers. If you need convincing, maybe you're not truly ready.

I would suggest waiting until you're married to buy a house, because it's riskier buying real estate with someone you're not married to. If you do buy a house before the wedding, I would advise a cohabitation agreement and/or prenup. You can still rent together and save up for a down payment before you're married.

FH and I have been living together almost as long as we've been together, and I absolutely love it. I think you learn so much about a person living with them vs. just staying over a night or every weekend. I don't think our marriage will be any less special because... we'll be married! We'll share a name. It'll be the next step. Already living together doesn't take away from that.

Living with someone WILL change your relationship. My DH and I lived together for over 2.5 years before we said "I Do." I don't regret it in any way. The first 6 months were challenging- new habits, shared spaces, and learning how to argue effectively. I would never want to start a marriage with moving in- there are bound to be hardships. I also know a lot of people who end things following living together... people are very different when they go home at night, etc., I wanted to know I was compatible with DH 100% of the time.

Appreciating all advice! Thank you!

Honestly, if you're thinking of moving in together and you have the mindset of, "What's the point of getting married if you live together?", don't.

There is a statistic that says living together before marriage correlates with a higher divorce rate. The mindset you stated is the mindset that causes that correlation: couples move in together and their mindset doesn't change from "relationship" to "marriage," so the possibility of splitting up Seems easier, because the relationship seems less "permanent" than if they had never lived together at all.

Another good point (as always), MNA! Thanks for that

I moved in with my FH after we got engaged. I was so afraid my parents would freak out due to their religion but they were totally cool with it. Want to know why? Because I'm an adult and can make my own decisions. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to live your life as you see fit. I know it sucks to disappoint your parents, but eventually you have to start putting more value into your own happiness instead of theirs.

With that being said, I absolutely recommend living with your FH before marriage. You don't buy a car without a test drive, commit to a mortgage without an inspection, or accept a job without an interview - so why would you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone before knowing you can stand to be around them every day?

If it makes sense for both of you at this point in your life, do it! I can say from experience it's SO awesome to share a home with my favorite person in the world, married or not.

I'm not really worried about disappointing my parents; I just value their opinion as worth considering!

FH and I have been dating for our entire relationship minus seven months; I highly recommend it. We have learned so much about each other in the past few years that couldn't have happened if we didn't live together.

Honestly, I don't know how you could get married to someone without living with them first. The fact is that you do not truly know someone until you live with them. That adorable noise they make when they eat, the shirt the throw on the ground instead of in the hamper, nights out with friends. These habits are much more endearing when they are not in your personal space 24/7. I understand not living together due to religious reasons and have complete respect for that. But if that isn't whats holding you back then I would say do it. You will still be excited about getting married because it is the step towards you starting your family. All living together will do is set a stronger foundation for your future.

Do you truly not have an opinion on it? I find that hard to believe... and very interesting if it's true! I can't imagine not have an opinion on if I want to live with my fiance right now or not!

Living with someone will teach you a lot about them. When I lived with my ex, it only pointed out that our relationship was not right, we would fight all the time, not just while "adjusting" to living with each other, but even 2 years into our shared home. It also showed me his values- or rather-lack there of. He didn't pay any bills on time. He literally got home from work and began smoking and drinking into the wee hours of the night. He literally would go buy a case of bear and spend money on weed than call his mother and ask if he could "borrow" (aka, have, he never paid her back) money to pay the light bill. It drove me insane. I am a budgeter so I always had my half of the bills and he didn't have his. I never knew that about him before we lived together, he just had what he had and I didn't question it!

With my fiance, it was so different living with him. I moved in with him over last summer because I was on a break from school. It was amazing. He was respectful of my sleeping habits after I discussed what he was doing to keep me awake at night (backstory- when we didn't live together, he would lay beside me on his phone all night trying to fall asleep. When we moved in together, he went back to his normal habits of playing video games while I tried to sleep, which kept me awake all night), we compromised on where we kept our clothes in the cramped space we were in, he cleaned his room up *gasp*... it was amazing. It was easy, I mean, we had a fight or two about whatever, but it was so easy compared to when I lived with my ex! I literally only moved out because the housing situation was not working out, and a new semester started so I figured I would make my life easier and just get a dorm. But the seven months we lived together were AMAZING!

If you are not morally opposed to it, I say go for it! If you really believe in your heart that you should wait until after you are married, than wait. If you are able to talk about a work through problems easily on your own and you respect each other's needs, with a lot of understanding and work you can make it work either way.

Also, I made my sister tell my mom that I was moving in my boyfriend the first time, it saved me from the conversation. What else are big sisters for?