KWR: Finally Cutting Off In Laws (We tried!)

Last night we called MIL/FIL to talk about Christmas. We are flying in then the next day driving 5 hours to DH sisters college graduation. His parents got upset because the day after her graduation we are going to my grandma's (she lives on the way back from where his sister's graduation is) but they were expecting us to help them move her out of her dorm. They never asked, it was the first we heard about it and they were "expecting" us to spend our Saturday moving her. We said no, we already have plans. Cue the guilt train... "Your dad isn't young anymore you know." and "Your sister helped move you into college,you owe her" and "You don't need to spend that much time with her grandma. Stop by for an hour or so, that'd enough". Phone call ended with "Well if thats how you feel about your family, then whatever. Bye"

DH and I have gone to counseling to learn to deal with his parents. We learned to form a united front and say no and be assertive. But DH actually said to me today that enough is enough, he's sick of it and doesn't really want to be involved with them anymore. I never wanted to force that on him, but he's arrived at it on his own.

Every time we see them it becomes a huge battle. Now that we are married, we want to do our own things at times and make our own decisions. I am tired of having a pit in my stomach and feeling guilty and nervous anytime we talk to them. We'd love to see family, but if it's going to be a battle and a guilt trip everytime, it's not worth it. I feel bad because he has one living grandma but his parents use her to guilt trip us too (they told his grandma we would be visiting her Dec 24, but we never said that. The 24th is when my family Christmas is which we told them about. They were like, "Oh we thought you'd be seeing her. I guess we will call your grandma and tell her you don't want to see her.")

There are a lot more things than just this but I don't want to bore you with a list...

Has anyone actually cut off in laws? When did you say enough was enough?

Wow. This actually makes me dislike your inlaws for you. How rude and inconsiderate they are. At least your DH realized it and you won't have to deal with the drama anymore. I haven't cut off FIL but FMIL is nothing but drama and the world revolves around her. we've cut her off from anything wedding related since she was making it completely miserable for us and FH finally realized.

Like his parents, my father was a narcissist. The best thing my mother did for me and my sister was leave him when we were very young. However, he saw that as his out and did not have anything to do with me or my sister. However, my mother made it clear that he was our father and we needed to try to have a relationship with him. I eventually cut him out of my life 20 years ago. He was exhausting. EVERYTHING was about him and on top of that, he was a habitual liar. Everytime he said anything, I had to become a detective to make sure what he told me was true AND was the whole story. The last straw for me was when my mother went into the hospital and he dismissed it as nothing. Not only that, she was there for almost 2 months and he never went to see her or even asked how she was doing. That was it for me.

I am a big advocate for communication, so I invited him over to discuss the issue. He tried to spin the issue (as narcissists do), but I stood my ground and made it very clear this was a problem. He continued to call, but I was not interested and eventually stopped responding.

My suggestion to you, continue to seek counseling, but if you choose to move forward, involve a therapist or a clergy. Hopefully his parents will be able to see they're being unreasonable. If not, you have a clear conscious that you made the effort. But be prepared for the hellish guilt trip that awaits.

I cut off my Mother 2 years ago after DH had his life threatened by her. We filed a restraining order and it was granted by a judge. She physically and emotionally abused me my entire life causing my disability. Stay strong and find support in each other.

I have basically cut my IL's off, but he still has to deal with them due to my teenage SS. They create drama where there is none and drive Hubs up a wall. They fixate on the kids homework and grades by checking everything online every day! ( He goes to school from there house and has been brainwashed to think its the best and only school he should go to,even though he gets bullied there pretty bad at times and was jumped while walking home from school to the point the we tried to file charges). Incessant bitching about each other and his sister. They have had a toxic relationship for about 48 years and thrive on the drama. Fil showed up at the house last summer to basically kidnap the 14 year old kid without his fathers permission. I called him out on it,(basically told him he can get the F%$^ off my property) and he has not spoken to me since then. I guess I am horrible person for standing up for my stepson and hubs. I don't go to holidays with them and drop kid off without getting out of the car. My SIL and I have had 1 decent conversation in 6 years, she did not come to our wedding even to see her daughter as a JBM (kid was crushed needless to say) After 6 years of crap I refuse to cater to drama and won't deal with them. Ignoring them is the best option for me. I come a family where folks get along and do what we can for each other. My family is shocked at how I have gotten treated by them. Hubs and SS have been welcome from day one.

For amazing advice on cutoffs, go over to DWIL Nation. The ladies there are experts in this kind of thing.

@kiwi, thank you! I will.

And wow... okay you ladies have it bad I'm sorry. Since we moved away it's been better but we don't want to stay away forever when we lived in the same state they wanted to see us every weekend and they would show up at our house unannounced. They constantly guilt and talk down to us. And they say things like "oh well your WIFE wants you to see her family but don't forget you have a family too!"... we've done our best to split holidays but enough is enough. If they're going to be ungrateful every time then I'm done