Kids saying no...

I would ask one more time, if she still just sits there, I think you will just need to except it and move on. If she decides later that she wants to be a part of it then maybe she can help hand out programs, usher guests or something like that to make her feel included.

So, my sister has always wanted my parents to get back together and I remember when she was 10 it was one of the hardest times for her. She was young I mean she still is but she didn't quite understand at that age. My mom and her boyfriend have been together for 10 years and still have not gotten married they just chose not to. But to me if they wanted to and obviously would want my sister involved you would have to go about it gently. She is still not fully developed and she is about to go through all these changes within herself. Being gentle and letting her know that you know she still wishes her parents were to get back together but you love her father and her very much. And you could never replace her mom.

I second Vanessa. Being the product of a previous relationship is rough, and I know some part of her probably just wants things to go back to how they were. Accepting a stepmom is somehow tougher than a stepdad - I've done both - but a lot of that was that my stepmom never wanted kids and more or less rejected us. You just need to explain that you know you will never replace her mom, but you're there for her. Best you can do is be a sympathetic ear for her - a lot of kids, especially those that went through a split, are stuck with a lot of changes that they have no control over. I'd let her have some time to digest, then sit her down and explain that you're there for her.

I would have your SO ask her alone, and see what she says so her answer isn't influenced by you being there or her sister. If she is stuck on her parents getting back together (and if her mom is influencing that at all), I don't think suggesting counseling to your SO for her is the worst idea either. It may help with communication between everyone & help her adapt to larger life changes (like this wedding) at a younger age.

View Quoted Comment Her Mother is supposed to have them both in counseling to begin with (truancy court and DCFS have been involved) and she removes them as soon as they start talking negatively against her (their Mom). She is a very high conflict person, along with her family towards the kids when it comes to their Dad. I am sure it is influenced by their Mom especially when the courts placed them in our care for quite some time for her to get her life together (she has them now, and fooled the court system). I think she will do the same to her Dad as well. Her Mom has completely brainwashed her (the other daughter is old enough and was brainwashed but has since grown up and realized the truth).

Keep loving, keep offering. You are wise to understand it’s not you and not to be offended. It will take time

Ten is a hard age. My daughter is 10, and when I got engaged, she was happy about a wedding and a party but not at all happy about me getting married. I’m a widow and many times she just says “I just want Daddy back so it can be the three of us like it’s supposed to be.”


My fiancé sat down with her and explained that he understands that he can’t take her Father’s place and that she doesn’t have to be adopted or even call him “Dad” if she doesn’t want to. He just wants to make us both happy. It has helped her some, but she has definitely given him some heartburn!
I would suggest you try the same with this kiddo. Just explain you know you can’t take Mom’s place and you’re not trying to. You just love her dad and want to do your best to make everyone happy and feel loved when You’re all together.
Children need lots of reassurance at that age. And seeing her parents’ marriage crumble may also make her scared that you and her dad aren’t going to stay married and she may have some defenses up to prevent herself from being hurt. Don’t push the bridesmaid idea. Let her know you’d love her to be involved in the wedding, one idea you’ve had is that she could be a bridesmaid, but if she isn’t comfortable with that, what else might she like to do?
Good luck!