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Vanessa
Expert September 2019

Kids or no kids?

Vanessa, on April 14, 2019 at 10:43 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 77
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My fiancé and I just got back from his cousins wedding. We were going to allow kids at our wedding but after tonight it is now up in the air... the kids tonight were all very cranky and irritable (which I understand it’s a long and loud event for children), during the entire ceremony there was a 3 year old behind us in our ear whining about not having a toy that was in the car, and when we got up to dance to one song and during that song kids ran into our legs 3 times during ONE song period... HELP! There are so many kids on my fiancé’s side of the family. We are nkw thinking to allow his niece and nephews. Their ages are 4 but will be 5 (ring bearer), 2 yo, and newborn, and his niece is 2 yo she is our flower girl. I need advice!!

77 Comments

Latest activity by Mia, on April 20, 2019 at 5:04 PM
  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    I recommend no children. Unfortunately, many parents let their kids run around and fail to properly discipline them.
    • Reply
  • Vanessa
    Expert September 2019
    Vanessa ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I agree Smiley sad
    • Reply
  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
    • Flag
    I used to live in Japan and Ecuador and the kids were sooo much better behaved in general compared to American children.
    • Reply
  • R
    Savvy June 2019
    Rosie ·
    • Flag
    I used to work at a home daycare with family friend’s kids. Most of those parents are invited to the wedding but we are not allowing any children unless they are nursing or our nieces. In order to not offend anyone we worded it as “Q: Are kids invited? A: We love kids! However, we would appreciate if you treated our wedding as a date for you and your significant other!”
    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. R
    Dedicated June 2019
    Future Mrs. R ·
    • Flag
    We are having no kids at our wedding for the same reason. We are making an exception for his and my nieces & nephews. We made the youngest of our nieces/nephews the flower girls ( we are having 2 - ages 2 both) and ring bearers (we are having 2 - ages 7&8). One is 12 and will be a junior groomsmen. The other 2 are both 17 so not really little kids.

    Honestly, if you want no kids at your wedding except the nieces/nephews you dont have to have them in the wedding party. Just invite them and if people have a problem with then oh well! I have gone to weddings where no kids were invited yet saw the bride's 3 year old niece and I though nothing of it.
    • Reply
  • Vanessa
    Expert September 2019
    Vanessa ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I love this! Thank you so much 🙏🏼
    • Reply
  • Vanessa
    Expert September 2019
    Vanessa ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you this helps so much
    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner September 2020
    Sarvenaz ·
    • Flag
    No kids!!!! Don’t make exceptions either because then everyone is gonna ask you to make exceptions and if you say no, they will get upset. Just say “adults only”. I love kids, don’t get me wrong, but this is the biggest and most important day of your life and you want to enjoy it. I’ve attended wedding with kids and it’s just a disaster. The ones with no kids have been the best weddings so far. Even parents with kids will enjoy a little time off away from their kids.
    • Reply
  • Vanessa
    Expert September 2019
    Vanessa ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you for this! I don’t want to feel like the bad guy saying “no kids”. All of your replies are putting my mind at ease.
    • Reply
  • D
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag
    I’m having no children. We do have 3 flower girls and one ring bearer but we already have baby sitters coming to pick them up after the ceremony. We chose to do this mainly
    because a lot of our friends and family have small children and they don’t get a lot of time for themselves so we want this to be a super fun night for all the parents to let loose and enjoy themselves without having to worry about all the kiddos. Also are wedding isn’t until 6 8in the evening so a little late for small children. Honestly I’m noticing it as a big trend here lately with weddings I’m attending or know of. It’s ultimately up to you and your groom to decide and you decide what will make you guys happy because it’s yall big day, nobody else’
    • Reply
  • Myrandafaye
    Savvy February 2020
    Myrandafaye ·
    • Flag
    I think no kids is a reasonable request for a wedding. Maybe just close family exceptions, like we are doing with ours because my siblings make their children mind and will discipline them. One of my sisters has decided she wont be bringing her 2 boys because they get rowdy and she would rather enjoy being a guest over watching her kids like a hawk and making sure they dont ruin anyone else's time there
    • Reply
  • Cynthia
    Devoted November 2019
    Cynthia ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I also agree!!
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    Give the few special kids a place in your wedding party (flower girl, ring bearer) so they can go but otherwise no kids... except babies under 1 who may be nursing. Always the exception.
    • Reply
  • Becca
    Expert July 2019
    Becca ·
    • Flag

    I encourage no kids for the exact reasons you talked about. People won't be able to enjoy the party if they are concerned about stepping on a kid. They have a tenancy to take up the dance floor, not eat (which you are paying per head I assume) and ultimately their parents have to babysit, not enjoy the day. However, you are risking a lot by allowing some children to come and not others. If it is just the ring bearer and flower girl it is one thing, but the second you add other children, that is when others feel hurt. I think it is fully acceptable to have a babysitter pick up the littles after the ceremony. Of course, nursing kiddos are always the exception.

    • Reply
  • Khin
    Devoted November 2019
    Khin ·
    • Flag
    Have a childfree wedding and you won't regret it! There might be some resistance and drama but at the end of the day, it's your wedding day. Don't let parents/anyone make it about them. Whoever cares enough will make it to the wedding and you will appreciate everyone who's there.
    • Reply
  • Wendy
    Dedicated October 2019
    Wendy ·
    • Flag
    For us it’s No kids unless under a month old (because that will be the case for one person). We also took out kids IN the wedding ceremony. We went to a wedding that didn’t have kids in the ceremony and it wasn’t missed. To keep both families on fate grounds we are not having a flower girl or ring bearer and we are both totally fine!
    • Reply
  • T
    Dedicated March 2020
    Tamsin ·
    • Flag
    To be a different voice:
    I can’t imagine not having children at our wedding and have been to many a wedding with children. I can’t remember children misbehaving at any of these either.

    It is fine to only invite close family children, just as it is okay to invite only certain friends and family. Baby in arms shouldn’t count in any ‘no children’ policy. And think about any out of town guests were children many be a concern for them, if you don’t want children that is fine but be prepared for some adult guests to perhaps not attend.

    • Reply
  • Jeanelle
    Super September 2018
    Jeanelle ·
    • Flag
    We had no kids and it was a great decision. So many of our friends and family were with babies since we're in that age group. We let everybody know well in advance and there were no exceptions. We didn't have flower girls or ring bearers, instead a Sunday morning boozy brunch wedding dance party. It was important to us or guests enjoy the day and we actually got loads of parents telling us they were glad to not bring their kids and have a day for themselves.
    Enjoy!
    • Reply
  • Corine
    Dedicated October 2019
    Corine ·
    • Flag
    We are doing absolutely no children at our wedding.. no exceptions. Even if a baby is nursing we said no to any children because other guests will see the “baby” and think “why wasn’t my child allowed then?” So we are doing no children at all to avoid any conflicts. Hope you guys are able to decide what works best for you guys and your vision of what you want your day to look like!
    • Reply
  • Jordan
    Expert September 2019
    Jordan ·
    • Flag
    No kids for us. Everyone has a better time when there are no little ones to keep track of.
    • Reply

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