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Dedicated December 2021

Kids on the guest list

Arlene, on May 11, 2021 at 12:55 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

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Hi ladies!

My FH has a huge extended family.
2 of 5 of his cousins have 12 kids just between them!We wanted to have a small wedding of 50 people. The venue gives us a huge 50% discount for weddings 50 and under. The event planner at the venue suggested we ask people not to bring their kids. I feel HORRIBLE just thinking it let alone saying to to someone. 95% of our family is coming from out of town so how would they not be able to bring their kids to the wedding?We are doing a wedding weekend with our immediate family and wedding party coming in on Saturday, guests coming in on Sunday, the wedding is on Monday and then the farewell breakfast on Tuesday. We were actually going to hire a babysitter for the wedding to keep the kids occupied at the venue but could we hire one to take care of the kids at the hotel everyone is staying at? Help!!!

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Valerie, on May 11, 2021 at 6:21 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on May 11, 2021 at 1:03 PM
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Personally as a parent I would rather my child not be invited or leave them home than use a stranger babysitter at a hotel I won’t be at for the length of the wedding. Plenty of people choose kid free weddings. You’ll just have to be okay with those people with children potentially declining, but I think that could be possible anyway since you’re getting married on a weekday during the school year.
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Dedicated December 2021
Arlene · on May 11, 2021 at 1:09 PM
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Thanks for the feedback.
The venue was a boarding school and they have after care programs so their staff offered to help. But even though I know they'd be with someone safe and trustworthy, they'd still be a stranger to the kids.
My brother and his girlfriend have 1 son, 1 more on the way and live in California. The only family they have out there is my mom so I'm worried if I have a kid free wedding they especially won't be able to come.
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Dedicated December 2021
Arlene · on May 11, 2021 at 1:14 PM
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I just remembered they have a game room on site that we were are already renting to do wedding party wars! What if the kids were there with a sitter? It would literally save thousands!
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on May 11, 2021 at 1:24 PM
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Talk to your guests. Let them know what options you are looking at and they can decide from there what to do. Some parents are ok with any certified childcare and others have preferences.

Are your guests the type who would not have issues with you providing childcare or would they decline if kids are not invited, regardless of the options you offer?
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on May 11, 2021 at 1:35 PM
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As a new mom, I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my daughter with a babysitter that my husband and I didn't personally select. In fact, my husband is in a wedding this fall (postponed due to Covid) and I am now unable to attend since they aren't allowing children and it's across the country so I'm not going to ask my mom or mother-in-law to take time off to watch our daughter for several days. Also, like the previous poster mentioned your wedding is on a weekday during the school year so unless they are okay with their children missing school I'm guessing one parent will stay home with the children anyways.
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Dedicated December 2021
Arlene · on May 11, 2021 at 1:35 PM
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Thank you!
I'm honestly not sure because they are all flying in. I feel like since they are flying in, they wouldn't come without their kids. But I also don't think they would expect me to have options for them either and would appreciate it.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on May 11, 2021 at 1:39 PM
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That is why you contact them to let them know your plans so they can tell you if it will work for them before they make travel arrangements.
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Lady · on May 11, 2021 at 1:40 PM
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It's also totally ok to invite just the kids of your siblings (for example) and not your cousins - so that is an option. If it were me and I was worried about people not attending if they couldn't bring their kids (due to traveling far, etc) then I would invite all of them. But that's just me.
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Savvy July 2021
Valerie · on May 11, 2021 at 2:49 PM
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We chose not to have kids at our wedding except our own children (that all all teens and 20s and the flower girl). We worded it this way "While we love your kids, we can only accommodate children of our immediate family. This is your time kick back and relax kid-free"!
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Dedicated December 2021
Arlene · on May 11, 2021 at 5:59 PM
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Thanks Lady!
That's how I feel too!
I really want everyone to come but it is at a loss of the 50%. At the end of the day if we can swing it with everyone coming then that's what we'll do.... maybe lol
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Dedicated December 2021
Arlene · on May 11, 2021 at 6:01 PM
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Thanks for your input Valerie!
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Dedicated December 2021
Arlene · on May 11, 2021 at 6:02 PM
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Thanks for your input Veronica!
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Savvy July 2021
Valerie · on May 11, 2021 at 6:21 PM
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You are so welcome and good luck!
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