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Dedicated May 2020

Kids not happy with 2nd marriage

Elizabeth, on January 31, 2020 at 6:06 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6
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Backstory: My first marriage ended amicably in 2016. My ex and father of my 2 kids (10 and 7 now) had an "easy" divorce. We made a pact to put the kids first. His new wife and I get along well. No drama but of course it's been hard for our kids. He has since remarried and I'm getting married in May, a destination wedding. While planning the wedding, I asked my daughter if she wanted to go knowing she was struggling with the idea of her parents not being together anymore. She reluctantly said yes but I got the feeling she really doesn't want to. Yesterday she confessed she wants to stay home which means my son won't want to go either. I'm heartbroken about it but let her know it's her choice and I'm not mad or sad about it. I'm not forcing it if it will cause her distress to be there. According to my ex's wife, they both had meltdowns 5 min before she walked down the aisle and it was hard. She cried a lot during her own wedding because the kids were so upset. I dont want to put them in that position again. I was going to ask them both to walk me down the aisle so that's not happening. I know I'll be secretly sad without them there but I'll get through it. Anyone else go through this with young kids? It's so hard because I deserve to be happy too but I also care so deeply for my kids. Please tell me it gets easier.

6 Comments

  • E
    Dedicated May 2020
    Elizabeth ·
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    Also want to add that I wanted to elope with FH to avoid this but since this is his first marriage and he's an only child, we compromised and decided to go forward with a small wedding where his family lives. I felt bad robbing him of the experience of seeing me walk down the aisle. That was one thing he really wanted so we're having a semi formal ceremony and a low key after party afterwards. He's been so patient with the kids and tries so hard to connect with them but that's been hard too.
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  • Susan
    Devoted May 2020
    Susan ·
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    I have a ten year old and was widowed when she was 3. For years, she asked for a new daddy. When I met my FH, she turned into a total brat! Informed me she didn’t need a new dad and didn’t want one. It’s been almost a year and she is finally chilled out and loves it. Kids don’t have the language to express themselves as easily. Your kids will feel better in time when they adjust. Seek counseling if necessary. I’m as in my 30’s when my mom remarried and I hated it too! I got over it. Smiley smile
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  • Madelyn
    Dedicated June 2020
    Madelyn ·
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    Kids don’t see it as adults do. Kids think that you are going to be taken away and that they’ll never see you and such. It’s just how they are processing things. Big changes are hard for them (just like they can be for us at times too!). They haven’t learned completely how to process their feelings yet and so they resort to what they’ve always known- crying, meltdowns, tantrums, and the works. But they will accept it after the change has settled into their lives and a new normal is established. Give it time. Also like PP said- counseling is always a great option! I hope everything works out for the best!
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Have your kids been to counseling regarding the divorce at all?

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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
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    I have two kids from marriage #1. My son is 12 and my daughter is 9. My son did not like the idea of getting a step parent. Well he was wishy/ washy about it. I tried to include both children in as much of the planning as possible. We went through not only premarital counseling but also my now husband was a part of our family counseling prior to the wedding day. Have you thought of doing some counseling? I know 4 years seems like a long time (I also separated from my first husband in 2016 for good) but it's not in kid time. Maybe with so many changes so quickly for them being able to do some premarital family counseling together would help immensely.

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  • E
    Dedicated May 2020
    Elizabeth ·
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    Hi ladies. Thank you so much for the comments. I loved reading all of your perspectives. My daughter, the 10 year old, has been to counseling last year but I'll consider doing it again. I understand how hard this must be for them so I'll do anything to help them through this.
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