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Savvy September 2021

Kids-need help with polite wording

Ladyish, on May 25, 2021 at 11:52 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5
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Hey everyone!

FH and I are having a "beach kegger" vibe reception in November. The reception will be held at our friend's home who have a teenager(16) and toddler (3) . While we really do not want our friends littles there, we aren't comfortable asking for our friends/family attending to not bring their children while there will be a child there. We want our friends to take a night off and enjoy themselves. We have asked the 16yr if she would be okay with babysitting, but one teen can not watch roughly 20 kids all under the age of 10, by themselves. We are looking into hiring another (or 2) babysitters, but what I want to know is there a polite way of saying, "please don't bring your kid unless you absolutely have to". Thanks!

5 Comments

Latest activity by Courtney, on May 26, 2021 at 10:53 AM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    I would find it odd and disrespectful to have the reception at the home of children whom you don’t want in attendance. While there is nothing wrong with a child free wedding (as long as no flower/ring children and newborns are in attendance because they are all or none) you have to make sure the venue is feasible for it. It is also not the teenager’s responsibility to babysit everyone.


    To not invite kids, you simply don’t put their names on the invite.
    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Devoted October 2023
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag
    Will their children actually be attending, or just be present since your reception is where they live? It's honestly fine to just say no kids. I think it would be easier to say it's adult only and only list the adults on the invitation than it would be to try and ask them to not bring kids unless they have to.
    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    I think you need to decide whether you want children there or not and make a firm decision. If you’re allowing children then you cannot tell your guests that their children can come but ‘only if they have to’. By the same token, I really disagree with the premise of having the 16 year old babysit. Her parents are doing you a massive favour and you’re showing them your gratitude by having their teenage daughter work the wedding as a babysitter.

    If your friends have been gracious enough to allow you to host your reception at their home it is reasonable to assume that their children will be present unless your friends elect to send their children elsewhere for the evening (i.e. to sleepover at their grandparents’ home). This does not mean that you have to make the whole event child friendly if you do not want to. You will either inform guests the event will be child free or deal with however many children your guests choose to bring.

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    It's ok to have a no kids event. The kids who live at the venue are a fair exception.
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    Have a reasonable conversation with your friends. If they're acting as a venue they should know what they're signing up for anyways. Explain that you're doing a beach kegger vibe, and ask if they're comfortable with their kids being there or if they have plans for the kids. This whole thing may be a non-issue and they may plan on family watching the 3 yr old and the teen may go out and do something that night anyways.

    Otherwise, don't leave it up to the other guests on if they want to bring their kids or not. If you don't want kids there put it as a hard line in the sand that they're not allowed. If someone RSVPs for their kids you give them a call and say 'Sorry for any confusion! The invite was just for you and SO, no kids. We understand if you can't make it'.

    Childcare arrangements are not your responsibility. If they can't make it without their kids they can't make it.

    If the friend's whose home you are using plan on having their kids there I think it's a valid exception. If anyone has the audacity to ask who the two kids are you can explain that your friends kindly opened their home to you and the kids are theirs and live there. No one worth anything will actually get upset that the kids who live at the venue got to come to the event when their child didn't. If they do get upset, well, quite frankly they're wrong and need to get over themselves.

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