I was asked if we got permission from my ex and my FH’s ex for our children to participate in our wedding. Our exes have never had a problem with our relationship. We all speak and discuss the kids all the time. My question is if we really didn’t get along with each other’s exes should we have gotten permission for our/their children to be in our wedding?
I think the only time this is really relevant is when you’re getting married outside of your own parenting time. My ex got married outside of the country and because he was going to be gone longer than he’s allowed to have our daughter per our agreement, I traveled with her so she could participate. Our wedding is scheduled for a weekend that would be mine regardless so I didn’t ask his permission to include her.
I could only see getting permission if there was a custody issue. But if both you and your FH have joint/partial custody, you shouldn't have to ask permission of the ex. My FH definitely didn't feel the need to ask his ex.
I would only see an issue if the wedding was on a weekend where the kids would normally be with the other parent. If so, I would ask them to switch to be understanding of the situation. If you are on good terms, I can’t imagine it being an issue.
Both of us get along with my stepson's mom, and it didn't occur to ask what she thought of him being part of the wedding, but it occurs during fh's time. I would think even if we didn't get along with her we wouldn't ask because at that point it's not up to the mom.
I have 2 kids as well, but my first husband died so no issue there with permission. I didn't tell his parents personally either, though. There are issues there as to why I didn't feel it was necessary.
For reference my stepson is 8, and bio kids are almost 15 and almost 18.
My relationship with my ex is strained. There is no way in h*** I need his permission for my children to attend and participate in my wedding. Nor would I expect him to ask if he ever got remarried. The only thing I consulted him on, was a slight change in parent time, and given him travel itinerary as required in our divorce decree.
Absolutely not, I am a mom from a previous relationship. We do have a relatively good relationship but we're not friends outside of the relationship we have for our daughter. I would never nor do I ever ask him for permission for anything, let alone to have my daughter, that I pushed out of me in my wedding lol. Granted I also have full custody sooo I guess maybe it would be different if it was his wedding and my weekend with her... or he had to travel with her for it then I of course need to know these things lol.
I'll echo what most have said, I didn't ask my ex as I have the kids most of the time. He takes them when he can which is maybe 1-2 weekends a month. If we had a more stable visitation schedule and the wedding was occurring during his parenting time I would have given him a heads up.
I would only ask if the relationship was strained or if the wedding was taking place overseas.
I would ask if on the other parent's parenting time, or out of state. I would also discuss who is going to take the kids home? Are they going home with you guys? If the wedding goes late, I would not expect the mom to come pick them up.
Far as me im not a mother but i think it depends on the kids age.. My FH kids are old enough to make decisions on their own.. What i did was asked them to be aprt of tbe wedding party and they both agreed excited about shopping.. But idid speak to their mother just to give her the info but i didnt have to..
Legally you only need to get permission if there is a custody agreement that states that those children are with your ex on that specific day. Other than that, it's in good form to ask if the kids don't normally see that other parent a lot. For instance, when my daughter was 5, my ex-husband was remarrying and wanted our daughter in the wedding. He hadn't bothered to see her in months and she did not want to stand up in the wedding because she didn't know the woman or her kids. I brought her, dropped her off, and she cried until they called me to come back and get her. I think each case is different.
Furture Mrs. G ·
Ummmm no! Absolutely not. We don't have this issue with my ex. He has his life/wife/other kids as do I. But, even if that were not the case- I still wouldn't feel I need the permission for children I have birthed to be in my wedding.
The only way I see an issue is if my ex was having a wedding and he wanted my son to be in it he would have to come to me so we can work it out ONLY because we live 8 hours from him so we would have to figure out travel plans. But, as far as "is it okay for our son to be in my wedding" no I would never make him do that.